thelesbianlifestyle.com

“You are not afraid of the dark, you are afraid of the unknown.” This may be true in most cases where we are afraid, but what if you DO know what’s in that darkness, what monster lies in wait? And that monster’s name is rejection, contempt, and disgust…

I came out once. I was proud of who I was. I even came out to my parents, my friends…my mother said, “Well, at least you’re not pregnant,” telling me this at 15! Ugh… And my [step] dad asks if I was molested as a child. He said something about 70% of homosexuals being molested as children. As if that explains it. A week passed, and I was getting called names and being shunned at school. The girls in my chior hated me–all of them were preppy little snobs, not to mention this WAS the Bible Belt–and when I had brought a red velvet cake that my mom baked, one girl was about to get a piece and found out it was me, went to go tell the other girls and they all backed away.

WTF?!?! It got worse after I got my hair cut–really short, with blonde tips, totally awesome–and I walked down the hall, some guys yelled after me, “DYKE!” *sigh*

What is this? Ignorance, stereotyping, prejudice? Even my mother rejected me…

So I started dating boys again, and dumped them all eventually, or just used them as a sexual outlet. (I never had sex, but you know…)

So there. I have a perfectly logical reason why I’m in the closet. But now, I’m with my dad and step mom, who are very accepting of me and who I am, in Chicago, where people are out and proud, and it’s amazing! I even met a girl…she’s so beautiful. There’s this tension in the air between us. I went over to her house a couple weeks ago and we watched 50 First Dates and Buffy. It was amazing, just sitting there with her and enjoying a movie together.

But…I know that even if I DO come out in a place where people are “more” accepting, I’ll still face hostility, rejection, and negativity. I’m just scared…

I need to face the facts. I need to understand that when you express yourself, there will be people who will reject you, and not understand you out of fear of the unknown.