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I haven’t been on here in a while, partly because I lost my password and didn’t have the energy to locate it but mostly because over the last 6-7 months the lives of my family members and myself have been turned upside down.

I find it interesting that this is one of the Topics Kel decided to use this month as it was precisely the thing I was going to write about anyway when I found my lost password.

I’ve never really been “family oriented” I didn’t feel any sort of support or even real belonging with the blood relatives of my “family”. I mostly pushed them away and only showed up at events that I HAD to be at i.e. Christmas, birthday parties (I’m sure a lot of you can relate to this).  I’ve also found it very easy to write off family members. I can drop them completely without any remorse or without giving it a second thought. No, I’m not a sociopath I have just found them useless.

When I came out (10 years ago) I had very few people I could call “friends” and I didn’t know that new friends would soon take the place of that family feeling I had never felt before. In an essence I guess that the friends I’ve met along my journey have become my true family.  I spend more time with them, their children and their families. They accept us more than my blood line ever did. We laugh and cry together. We have holiday get togethers with each other and buy their kids gifts. They are my true family…..

This is where it gets bad… My sister and I have never gotten along because she was basically self destructive, neglected the welfare of her son (my blood nephew) and was constantly asking for help or money because she refused to find a good job. She would bring home any man… have sex with him then introduce him to her son. She would do this on countless occasions.

We had taken different paths in life. I kept trying to tell her that her lifestyle was not conducive to raising a child and that she needed to change. Her typical response was to tell me to get fucked or the ever popular “you can’t tell me what to do with my life”. At one time during a “Text War” she told me that my nephew hated me and that she would never allow me to see him again”. This was in February of 2008 that I decided I was going to call it quits with her. I knew the consequences of this. Not seeing my nephew grow up was going to break my heart but she basically made that decision for me. I told her I never wanted to talk to her again.

Then March rolled around. My sister and I had successfully made it over a month without speaking and without me seeing my nephew. I was still content for this to continue. My life was a bit brighter without her in it. One day while getting ready for work (3:30pm because I worked midnights) I got a call from a cousin of mine. She was frantic and told me that I needed to get to the U of M hospital right away because my nephew had “set himself on fire”. I couldn’t imagine the severity of it. I asked right away if he was still alive. He was. I grabbed my wife and our close friend and headed out for the hour trip (which only took us 30 minutes that day).

When we arrived we walked into the Trauma Burn Unit and there on a hospital bed lay my 5 year old nephew doped up on morphine with his entire chest, abdomen and left arm burned right down to the nerves and muscle. Basically…. (and she will deny it… and continue to lie about it….) Super mom, took too many xanax and decided to take a nap. She fell asleep and when my nephew got up because he was hungry she told him “go get you some food” that’s the quote in the police report from my nephews mouth. she went back to bed and he…. at the age of 5 got up, microwaved himself 2 hot dogs, ate them then began playing with a lighter. Super mom didn’t hear any of this going on…. but she was awake right?

He soaked his shirt in Axe cologne spray and lit it. You can imagine the rest. Super mom woke up to her son running into the room as a big fire ball.

needless to say, the state took him from her and placed him with me until Super mom could get her head straight. 6 months of caring for his wounds, teaching him to read and giving him social skills that he had never had before because mom kept him trapped in a house because she was too lazy to get off her ass.

Basically super mom didn’t change a bit. she never really believed this to be her fault, although she will tell you it is because she wants you to feel bad for her. After 6 months the courts returned him to his mothers care. I’m told she’s been drinking a lot, is always late picking him up from school and has been very rude to the teachers and staff at his school. Its out of my hands and she won’t let us see him.

My reason for this story is this… Family can be blood but they are only family by blood. I have found that my true family and support are those that don’t share my blood, haven’t known me since I was born and haven’t been around for most of my life.

My real family are the friends I’ve made over the years and my acquaintances are my blood line. I have cut myself off from everyone basically but my grandmother and my father but I’m content. I have everything I need really I have sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles and a mom.  None of which share my blood but truly care for me, my wife and our well being. We are expected at holidays and missed if we don’t show up. We are treated as equals and loved.

Here’s my advice to those who suffer with family woes. DROP THEM!!!!! unless they come crawling to you on their knees apologizing for all of the things they’ve said or done over the years, they’re not going to change. You’ll spend countless hours crying over what you CANNOT CONTROL!

Embrace your new family and let them embrace you. Blood doesn’t mean a whole lot any more.