Hot:

Name: Jace
Age: 23
Location: N/A

My partner left me after 3 months together. The reason she gave me is that she didn’t want to waste any more of my time and wants me to lead a normal life. She says she understands me and knows I will live to regret this. She is 9 years older than me. She is my first. I love her a lot and I’m still holding on. She has been very mean so that I can forget her and let this go. I am not taking this very well. I need some advice. Should I leave and lead life the way she has in mind for me? I’m lost.

Read the TLL Advice Panelists answers after the jump…

Lori Hahn

Hi Jace,

Wow, what a control freak.  She gets to decide how you live.  Very cool, makes decision making a whole lot easier.

Sounds about as manipulative as she can be.  What’s clear here is that she’s dumped you and tried to make it appear as though it’s for “your own good” so she can assuage her own conscience.

I’m sorry, it’s going to hurt for a while.  Take time to heal – first loves are the hardest to heal.  All I can say is take the good moments and carry them with you.  Remember, that we rarely stay with our first.  It does seem to a have a purpose to open our hearts to the possibilities.  Now open your eyes – and walk forward into the rest of your life with the knowledge you are capable of love and are able to give it to someone willing to return it in kind.  Don’t settle for less.  And, walk on the path you create, not someone else’s vision of how you should live.

Lori
Hahn at Home

Dharma Kelleher

Dear Jace,

I’m not sure what you mean by “waste any more of my time” or “normal life” or “live to regret this”. It sounds very cryptic. Is there more to this story?

Regardless, if she wants out after only three months, it doesn’t do any good to cling. Cry, grieve, talk to a therapist, do whatever you need to do (so long as you stay safe). But move on. You’re young. Your heart will heal. And remember, love comes from the inside out, not from the outside in

Peace out,
Dharma Kelleher
www.dharmakelleher.com

Kelly Leszczynski

Jace,

I’m only 30, but trust that I wish I could go back to being 23. Ah the things I would have changed. I’ve always had a thing for older women, but have never cared to much when they pull the “I know better because I’m older than you.” card. However now that I’m older I can see some truth in it.

It doesn’t look like there is anything you can do. Especially if she continues to push you away. It sounds like maybe it’s her that can’t handle it. I would assume that older women can be just as insecure as younger women. Perhaps her jealousy has gotten the best of her. Maybe she feels more like a Mom to you than a girlfriend. My point is that you won’t know unless she tells you and it doesn’t look like she will.

If I had a chance to relive my first break up and I was 23 again I would let go. I would recognize the pain as healthy, but I wouldn’t get hung up on it. Real love, the kind of love we all strive for will make us brave. It will not want to make us push someone away. Then again maybe she’s doing the whole “If you set someone free and they don’t come back they were never yours to begin with”. Try to talk with her if you can. Get to the root of why she is pushing you away. Only then can you make a good decision on what your next step should be.

Loves a bitch,

Kelly
Brain Clouds

Tina-cious

Tina is out of the office.

Tina-cious

Shanna Katz

Shanna is out of the office.

Shanna
www.ShannaKatz.com

Do you have advice you would like to give? Be sure to leave your thoughts in the comments section of this post.

Do you have a question you would like to pose to The Lesbian Lifestyle Advice Panelists? Find out more about the panelists and submit your question here.

* Please note that this advice should by no means be used as an actual diagnosis or therapy session. All of the panelists will be giving you their views from their own life experiences. If you have any further inquires please send them here.