Hot:

Name: Sally
Age: 40
Location: Aussie

I just broke up with my g/f.

We have been together almost 7 yrs. The reason i called our relationship quits was she was so jealous i couldn’t have any friends. I said to say hello to a friend of mine from school 25 yrs ago and yes back then i had a crush on her. Thought this is so many yrs later. She found this after logging into my email and went nuts. She decided that no matter what she was going to track this grl down. I told her i said Hi leave it alone please.

From there her insecurity got worse and worse she would do things like look this persons (maiden) last name up and ring all these ppl asking if they were her. I begged and i mean begged her to stop but she wouldn’t and didn’t. I then discovered that she was logging into my email and phone account and was ?ing me about emails even if they were spam and who was i calling and ringing. I talked to her for about 2 months and asked her please stop please stop then i changed my passwords. Well with that she told me if i didn’t give her my passwords to my phone account and emails we were done. I caved and gave it to her and of course things just got worse. I changed passwords again as i felt invaded upon and it was not hi how was your day it was what is this phone number and explain this email.

She says i am trying to be secretive. I don’t believe i am i just don’t need the crap. So i changed my password and stood up to her and told her no i am not giving them to you. As much as i asked her to stop it just got worse to the point i have had enough and i told her she HAD to stop she said she would try. That lasted less then 24 hrs and she called me and was going off her nut cause i had told her a friend who is straight and getting married had invited me out. I told her if she kept abusing me i was hanging up next thing i know she was on my door step. At that point i decided that if she wasn’t going to stop i had to stop it.

I believe i have done the right thing for myself but how do i make her understand that it was her behavivour that ended our relationship as she keeps saying that i cheated on her when all did was say hi to someone who was a friend 25yrs ago

Read the TLL Advice Panelists answers after the jump…

Tina-cious

Out of the office
Tina-cious

Lori Hahn

Whoa, Nellie! There is way more to this than I’m hearing.  Unless she has a serious mental illness, no one goes off half-cocked like that after seven years unless there is way more to the story.  I just hope that you’ve been completely on the up and up if the two of you are in a committed relationship.  With just this to go on, her trust in you is shot.  It’s probably better you broke up.  Why don’t you try to look at this again and get back to us…

Lori
Hahn at Home

Dharma Kelleher

Dear Sally,
 
Sounds like you did the right thing. You didn’t cause her mania and you’re not capable or responsible for ending it. That’s her stuff. Nor are you responsible for making her understand that it was her behavior that led you to set a boundary that ended the relationship. If you’ve told her, and from what you’ve said, you have, then just walk away.
 
In America, we have what’s called a restraining order also known as an Order of Protection. It is a legal order issued by the court system that forbids someone from having contact with a named other person. I’m not familiar with Australian law, but if they have something like that, you might want to look into it. I had to do that with one of my ex’s. Keep in mind that it is simply a legal document. Of those slapped with a restraining order, about a third will choose to ignore it.
 
Ultimately, do whatever you feel is necessary to keep yourself safe. Every person’s situation is different.   

Trust the process.

Peace out,
Dharma Kelleher
http://www.dharmakelleher.com/

Kelly Leszczynski

Sally,

Jealousy is a horrible monster. It makes us do things that we normally wouldn’t. It sounds like your long term girlfriend is both jealous and insecure. These two combined are many times deal breakers. I think you need to ask yourself what is most important to you in this relationship. When you do that, if trust isn’t one of them, I recommend you stay.

Kelly
Brain Clouds

Shanna Katz

Out of the office

Shanna
www.shannakatz.com

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* Please note that this advice should by no means be used as an actual diagnosis or therapy session. All of the panelists will be giving you their views from their own life experiences. If you have any further inquires please send them here.

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