then fuck the rest. And of course that”s a luxury I know not everyone has.

I dunno…perhaps I just feel too great of a responsibility for the people that read my blog. It’s in my nature to worry. XD

I’m glad that you honestly tried to work with your family, and believe me when I say that I’m so very sorry that it hasn’t worked out. At that, I would definitely agree that perhaps leaving them to their own devices is the best option for you in particular.

You wrote:
“Are you suggesting that we continue on this path? the pleading, the crying the gut wrenching pain it all causes simply because you think if we don’t we are sinking to their level? I’m sorry but I disagree.”

I respond with:
We’ll just agree to disagree. But then again, I’m one of those really hopeful people, I guess. The reactions of others to my own “taboo” actions doesn’t bother me much anymore. If someone didn’t want me at my own family reunion, for instance, I’d go anyway. Fuck them, it’s my family. You see what I mean? If all of them didn’t want me to go, like I imagine your wife’s parents would probably say (or someone of the same so-called loving demeanor) I would still go. Then I would soak the watermelons in Everclear.

You wrote:
“I simply see it as standing up for ourselves. This has been going on for far too long. I think we are afraid of reprocussions, on what level I’m not sure. We’ve all been made fun of throughout our lives and it hurts. We don’t want to hurt any more so we keep our mouths shut and take what comes.”

I respond with:
Standing up for yourself is so very important. I admire you for expressing that so powerfully! You have a very lively personality. Personally, I’m not saying we should lie down and let people walk all over us. But fighting back in an intelligent way is much better in my opinion than suggesting to others that they cut others off. Perhaps I’m a die-hard pacifist. That was my point in the first place.

You wrote:
“Yes this is an open forum. I was personally asked to blog on this site because I have a more controversial point of view and sometimes things get a smidge dull around here. I havn’t found a person on this site who has taken my words personally but simply took them as they are…My Opinions. If my words appear to you to be angsty and teenager-ish then so be it.”

I respond with:
There’s a reason why I said that, and it wasn’t to be rude or cutting. I was speaking my mind, just like you. I thought the way that you expressed yourself, the whole “WE DON’T NEED THEM” thing sounded petulant. In truth it reminded me of how I felt when I was nineteen and lashing out at whatever hurt me. So in that respect I suppose you could say that I was taking that personally, though I’ve tried not to.

That being said, however, you say it loud and say it proud. You’ve defended yourself very powerfully here and you have every right to. I respect that.

You wrote:
“It is my hope that people will read our conversation and think more deeply about the situations they are all facing in their own personal lives and decide to do something about it so for that I thank you. I am by no means a literary genius and perhaps may not have the vocabulary that you do but just as my words appear to be that of an angsty teenager (or a few intelligent words away from that) Your words come off as weak to me. But it is all in the eye of the beholder.”

I respond with:
I hope the same thing. I’m glad we were able to communicate civilly, despite my remark. No one has to be a literary genius; it happens to be my only strong point (I failed math and chemistry!). My words may come off as weak, and I understand that, and accept that. Indeed the beholder has the powah.

You wrote:
“Where our differences come into play here is that you have repaired …. or tried to repair.. or are still in the process of repairing the relationship with your mother. I would not have done that. I guess you’d have to get my sad life story to understand that one.”

I respond with:
She hasn’t returned my calls in almost a month. I don’t think repairing the relationship is going to work out now…but I did try. I didn’t want to try for a long time. She never wants to put forth any effort to rectify things. However, I don’t see my attempts as weak. I think I’m the stronger person for wanting to reconcile. Any attempt to make nice with anyone is a gesture of strength in my opinion.

Thank you for the differing opinion.

Chelsea´s last blog post..Sex

Are you suggesting that we continue on this path? the pleading, the crying the gut wrenching pain it all causes simply because you think if we don’t we are sinking to their level? I’m sorry but I disagree.

I don’t believe that is a “level” they are simply ignorant and refuse to learn or hear the truth. It’s not a “level” to sink to.

We have put our lives on hold for far too long. As have many others in this situation and there are many others. It’s all too common. We as a society (lgbt) need to start standing up for our rights (what little we do have) and demanding equlaity in our communities and in our families. I ask you, would you attend a church that hated you because you were gay? Would you walk into a wedding planner who openly denounces lesbians and gays and give them your money? I wouldn’t

I simply see it as standing up for ourselves. This has been going on for far too long. I think we are afraid of reprocussions, on what level I’m not sure. We’ve all been made fun of throughout our lives and it hurts. We don’t want to hurt any more so we keep our mouths shut and take what comes.

I truly appreciate your difference of opinion as that is what makes us all different. There was one comment you made that I believe was meant as a “dig”. You said

“your argument is only a few intelligent words away from being the rant of an angsty teenager

While I will give you that it is a good dig, I will close my argument with this.

Yes this is an open forum. I was personally asked to blog on this site because I have a more controversial point of view and sometimes things get a smidge dull around here. I havn’t found a person on this site who has taken my words personally but simply took them as they are…My Opinions. If my words appear to you to be angsty and teenager-ish then so be it.

It is my hope that people will read our conversation and think more deeply about the situations they are all facing in their own personal lives and decide to do something about it so for that I thank you. I am by no means a literary genius and perhaps may not have the vocabulary that you do but just as my words appear to be that of an angsty teenager (or a few intelligent words away from that) Your words come off as weak to me. But it is all in the eye of the beholder.

I’m truly sorry for the pain you’ve suffered as in your younger days but obviously you have used it to make yourself stronger and that is to be commended. Where our differences come into play here is that you have repaired …. or tried to repair.. or are still in the process of repairing the relationship with your mother. I would not have done that. I guess you’d have to get my sad life story to understand that one.
thanks for the difference of opinion.

You wrote:
As for the “petty” part, I find the ignorance of families shunning away their children, calling them names, and cutting them out of wills and trust funds “petty”. I DON’T think it’s petty to stand up for your self and demand that your family give you the respect you deserve and if they don’t do it then SHUT THEM OUT.

I respond with:
That is indeed petty. It’s hurtful, shameful behavior by uneducated people. In no way did I say that it was petty to stand up for oneself–I apologize if I came across that way–but I did say that it was petty to sink to their level and become the very monster that they are. “SHUT THEM OUT” is only what they are doing to you, and if you can’t overcome your own base anger and frustration, you will become the very thing you loathe. This is why I suggested that you have faith and that you educate them, so that they know and can have the chance to overcome their own bigotry. If you “shut them out” there is no chance, none at all, for reconciliation, and that gets no one anywhere.

You wrote:
“I’m mostly speaking here of the people who wait around 5,10,15 years allowing themselves to be punching bags. If they feel that it’s worth it to keep taking it up the ass (proverbially speaking of course) then by all means please proceed.”

I respond with:
You see it as people allowing themselves to be punching bags. In my opinion that is so very one-sided that it’s no wonder you’re tooting the “SHUT THEM OUT” horn. I know that you cannot worry about everyone’s opinion here, but consider this: you’re posting on a huge blog that many many many people read. Why wouldn’t you consider how your words might be taken? Many are hurt and want nothing more than to reconcile with their loved ones, and the best advice you can give is for them to sink to the level of uneducated bigots and shut them out just as they do to you. I was shocked by this insensitivity and lack of compassion.

You wrote:
““WE DON’T NEED THEM” stands firm here and I’ll do you one better by saying that if the problem persists, change your name, your number and move!. A person who constantly verbally abuses you, talks to you as if you don’t matter or generally finds you to be an exhausting waste of their time is not going to come around.”

I respond with:
My entire childhood, from conception to the time I moved out on my 18th birthday, was spent being verbally and mentally abused. By the time I escaped my household, I had no clue that I was just a normal human being with needs just as much as anyone else. I cut myself, I nearly killed myself, and I see a therapist and a psychiatrist monthly not to overcome my problems, but to learn how to live with them. I did exactly what you suggest here, sans changing my name. I rather like my name.

But why, why, why would I even THINK to sink to my mother’s level? I cut her out of my life and though these past three years have been a miracle of freedom for me, they have been painful without her presence. Like it or not she gave birth to me. She is woman, hear her roar! Cutting her off completely does not solve any problems. I know this from experience. Instead, why don’t you try to understand where they are coming from when they yell and scream at you? What made them the person they are? If you can look at them in context then you can CERTAINLY find a way to reconcile. If you can take one moment and try to analyze what the problem is, where it’s coming from, and why, then you are one step closer to solving it. Running away from your problems does. Not. Solve. Anything.

You wrote:
“If you my dear feel you need them then go to them but you’re precisely the problem I speak of here. People are like dogs. If you allow them to jump all over you when you walk in the door and if you bend down and pet them while they are exibiting bad behavior, the bad behvior is going to continue. Treat them like you were training a dog.”

I respond with:
If that is your view on humanity then I pity you like I pity no one else on this earth. That is so sorrowful, and I am sorry you feel that way.

You wrote:
“If you havn’t read my blogs before then you should know that I don’t sugar coat anything. I’m sorry if I’ve struck a chord with you but there are thousands of readers to this site and I cannot worry about all of their feelings. As a matter of fact your most recent post should solidify what we are talking about here. Our people are being beaten and murdered because of intollerance/ignorance and hate. We are allowing it to continue.”

I respond with:
My most recent post was a reflection on the violence we face(d) and how we can solve the problem by education. By cutting off the masses that show us bigotry, we only increase the problem. That is willful ignorance and it is downright shameful.

I respect your opinion; I respect all living beings’ opinion. I like that you don’t sugar-coat things. At a time like this, nothing needs to be sugar-coated. However, I think you’re taking a gigantic step backwards, and that your argument is only a few intelligent words away from being the rant of an angsty teenager. Forgive me, but I must speak clearly about that.

I understand the pain involved. We’re all in this together. But if we become apart of the very problem we seek to solve, how the fuck will we get anywhere?

Chelsea´s last blog post..Sex

I have family members that had a rough go at it and later came around but I didn’t and wouldn’t have given them 3 years to figure it out. As for the “petty” part, I find the ignorance of families shunning away their children, calling them names, and cutting them out of wills and trust funds “petty”. I DON’T think it’s petty to stand up for your self and demand that your family give you the respect you deserve and if they don’t do it then SHUT THEM OUT.

I’m mostly speaking here of the people who wait around 5,10,15 years allowing themselves to be punching bags. If they feel that it’s worth it to keep taking it up the ass (proverbially speaking of course) then by all means please proceed.

“WE DON’T NEED THEM” stands firm here and I’ll do you one better by saying that if the problem persists, change your name, your number and move!. A person who constantly verbally abuses you, talks to you as if you don’t matter or generally finds you to be an exhausting waste of their time is not going to come around.

If you my dear feel you need them then go to them but you’re precisely the problem I speak of here. People are like dogs. If you allow them to jump all over you when you walk in the door and if you bend down and pet them while they are exibiting bad behavior, the bad behvior is going to continue. Treat them like you were training a dog.

If you havn’t read my blogs before then you should know that I don’t sugar coat anything. I’m sorry if I’ve struck a chord with you but there are thousands of readers to this site and I cannot worry about all of their feelings. As a matter of fact your most recent post should solidify what we are talking about here. Our people are being beaten and murdered because of intollerance/ignorance and hate. We are allowing it to continue.