2008
Taboo? That’s normal to me….
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What is really taboo?
Merriam-Webster defines taboo as
- 1: forbidden to profane use or contact because of what are held to be dangerous supernatural powers
- 2 a: banned on grounds of morality or taste b: banned as constituting a risk
But who holds the power to decide what is forbidden? Who decides what should be banned, or better still, what morality measuring stick are we to use?
We, as gays, bisexuals, lesbians, and transgenders, are already taboo to a great deal of society. There would be no fight for equality if everyone thought our “behavior” was “appropriate”. There would be less bullying in schools if society fully accepted us. So as a culture, I’m sure many of us feel that we understand what this word really means. But in reality, the word is subjective. What some may consider inappropriate or morally disgusting behavior may alienate others within a community.
A personal example: As a young lesbian, I made many mistakes, many of which I attribute to my own cowardice to fully being who I am. I had a child with a man, married a man, and had yet another child. I figured that no lesbian would ever accept me after all that, as I wasn’t “gold star”. I obviously was mistaken, but since reorganizing my life, I have still discovered some prejudice against lesbians who have previously slept with men. Prejudice, which indicates that those who hold the bias consider past experience with men a no-no, or in other word, a taboo behavior.
I see forms of bias against other parts of our so-called “accepting” culture. Many gays and lesbians consider bisexuality taboo, and mock bisexuals for being confused, cowardly, or just plain slutty. For example, lesbians, by default, are thought of to be women who love women, are attracted to women, and have intimate and sexual relationships with women. Many lesbians do not understand or accept a lesbian that loves a man, is attracted to a man, or has sex with a man. That would change her “label” to bisexual. But what if she isn’t bisexual? What if she is just as much a lesbian as the rest of us, one who has that fantasy or pursues that behavior? Her thoughts, her feelings, and her behavior would be labeled taboo by many in the greater lesbian community.
I have found, in my experience, what I believe to be the greatest taboo with our community; being transgendered. If bisexuals get a bad rap, then our fellow trans-people have it ten times worse. For some reason, it is acceptable for a woman to be as butch as possible; wearing her hair in a boy cut, donning men’s clothing, never shaving, cologne-never -perfume, insert-your-own-definition-of-butch-here. These characteristics, while setting her apart, still allow for greater acceptance than if she wished to pursue her goal of a transitioning to become the boy he always knew he was. Many who don’t (or refuse) to understand consider that transition to be completely against the grain, unacceptable, and, yet again, taboo. What’s worse is that a transgendered person is not only alienated by the gay/lesbian community but also by their own circle if they choose to reject surgery and hormones, a practice that many trans-people consider taboo.
Of course, there are other taboos that are not related to our community alone. We, as a larger culture, do not believe in eating dogs, cats, insects, etc. We have defined meat products acceptable for consumption and reject the idea of eating “pet” animals or “creepy-crawlies”. In some cultures, eating dogs and cats is not only acceptable but necessary as the animals are perhaps the only that are in great abundance. In some cultures, insects provide a necessary protein in a diet that would otherwise consist only of grains, fruits and vegetables.
While labeling groups and individuals helps us to form necessary boundaries to create feelings of safety and acceptance, this technique is dangerous because it also alienates and isolates those that don’t fit the “standard” put in place by the majority. The key is to always remember that just as “majority” is subjective, so too is taboo.
These are my thoughts…what are your’s?
I’ll be sure to have a giant bowl of dog and cockroach waiting for you the next time you come over.. MMMMMMMM
JK.