2009
TLL Adult Review: Little Book of Sex
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I want to thank the nice people who keep sending me Sex Toys. This week, I’ve got The Little Book of Sex written by Anne Hooper. Yes, I know it’s a book and not a toy, but I also like to read occasionally, so this is what you’re gonna get. This book covers a lot of topics, including but not limited to basic Kama Sutra and sexual positions, eroticism, fantasies, talking dirty, bondage, sex toys, fetishes and sexual/relationship problems and how to work through them.
What I Liked
- I’m pleased at the range of topics and the thoroughness with which the relationship aspects are written about in this book. It starts out talking about “good sex,” and what you need to attain it – sensual touch and communication, according to the author, and this section is pertinent to all readers. The book talks about sharing ones sexual biographies with your partner. This includes things like your family background relating to sex, religious aspects that influence sexuality, and how (or if) your parents taught you about sex. It also includes sex ed classes you took in school, information gleaned from friends, when you started masturbating, and your first sexual encounter “with either gender,” as well as previous partners. This chapter talks about a lot of ways to facilitate open communication practices.
Criticisms
- Overall, I find the book heteronormative and oversimplified. I do have to give credit, though, for the use of the term “partner,” but it’s only so progressive when it’s accompanied with zillions of pictures of guys and gals together, and no gals with gals (or guys with guys). In fact, even in the 9 pages that talks about gay and lesbian issues (out of 151 total pages) there are no nude photos of same sex couples, but plenty of sexy naked pictures of heterosexuals.
- The section that is about bisexuals, gays and lesbians is very, very basic and touches on discovering you’re bi, gay or lesbian and then how to tell your parents. There’s not a lot of practical information. The author says a few times that lesbigay sexual problems are not all that different than heterosexual sexual problems… but they are. Two of my favorite sub-headings are, “Parenting When Gay,” and “Making Gay Friends.” I know these are two very real and very important topics, but the wording amused me. These sections don’t really deal all that well with their topics.
- In the chapter, “Extra Special Interests,” on facing pages there is fetishes, transvestism and transsexuality and completely overlooks transgender. This is the reason that I’m forced to reject this book. The juxtaposition could give the impression that transvestism and transsexuality are fetishes. Transvestism could be but is not necessarily a fetish, as a fetish is defined as a sexual fixation on an object without which arousal cannot occur. I’m here to say that I’ve have gotten sexually excited wearing drag, but I also get sexually excited while naked, and wearing hats, and sitting on the sofa, and in rooms completely devoid of shoes. I’m pretty offended that transsexuals come right after this. The section on transsexuals is not, in itself, bad or inaccurate (this section is a brief overview of what transsexuality is, and the hormonal and surgical options some people choose to take, but nothing more). It is nowhere near detailed enough to be helpful to anyone who may be transgendered/transsexual themselves. Moreover, transvestism has NOTHING to do with transsexuality!
- RuPaul is NOT a transvestite! But the author seems to think so, judging by the photograph in the “Transvestism” section. RuPaul is a drag queen as far as I am aware, as this is how he is referred to publicly.
Final Thoughts
I actually hadn’t thought I’d fail this book right up until the end when I saw where trans stuff landed, and was pretty appalled. I’m not displeased to own it, as I find there’s enough pertinent information and relationship advice that it’s somewhat useful to me, and most penetrative heterosexual sexual positions can be adapted to gay penetrative sexual positions and also to strap-on lesbian sex positions. There’s some good intimacy advice, and lots of basic information. This might be the sort of book I’d give my child as a reference, but it might not be. If I did, I would accompany the book-giving with a frank and honest conversation about the topics in the book, and a little lesson about just why the trans section is wrong. If you’re looking for a book all about lesbian sex, try The Whole Lesbian Sex Book. I haven’t read this book, but I’ve thumbed through it in the past and can tell you that it definitely goes more in depth as far as lesbian sex, sexual positions and relationship advice goes.
Excerpted from article:
“The section on transsexuals is not, in itself, bad or inaccurate, but it is nowhere near detailed enough to be helpful to anyone who may be transgendered/transsexual themselves. Moreover, transvestism has NOTHING to do with transsexuality!
RuPaul is NOT a transvestite! But the author seems to think so, judging by the photograph in the “Transvestism” section. RuPaul is a drag queen, and he likes men. Transvestites usually prefer women, so a picture of Eddie Izzard would have been more appropriate here”
*****
Holy fucking crap batgirl – I try very hard to stay away from the comments sections because I know that along this path lies madness but I simply could not allow this quote to go without responding. I am dumfounded by the utter lack of regard for basic understanding of the trans community and its outright expression of prejudice and vicious oppression. The ignorance is mind boggling. The author passes it off as “The section on transsexuals is not, in itself, bad or inaccurate” WTF? I cannot believe that this review does not call the article out for being hopelessly out of touch and filled with such vile references.
Calling a person of transgender history a “transvestite” is precisely equivalent to labeling a Lesbian woman “hysterical” Transvestite is a derogatory, demeaning term used to indicate that being transgender is some sort of mental illness and not the day to day daily experience of a normal human being struggling to get by like all the rest of us. Who is the author anyway – Sigmund Freud?
Pretending that we have some concrete understanding of what sexual orientation preferences one person has for another – as if it’s any of our business or something we ought to know – is again oppressive, privileged bullshit. Sexual orientation is an ever changing kaleidoscope of colors and layers that shifts with time and mood and age. It is unique and precious to every individual. Or perhaps – by this author’s opinion – bi sexual women too should be labeled as “not real lesbians”
The author seeks to link sexual orientation with gender expression. Please get a fucking grip and go back to class. Gender identity and sexual orientation are clearly not linked in any way they are two wholly separate matrices. Some men like women some women like men, some women like women, it has no bearing whatsoever on whether or not a person has undergone a medical treatment or surgery during the course of their life time. It has no bearing whatsoever on the geography of their genital structures. It has no bearing on what clothes they choose to buy.
The author states: “Transvestites usually prefer women” This kind of privileged bullshit is the same as saying – Hysterical women must undergo a hysterectomy in order that they can properly regain their role of serving their husbands brothers and fathers in the natural order.”
(No actually it’s not even close to the same thing – But I am really really fucking pissed off – and it does reflect the same order of privileged thinking.)
How in all the holy universe do you think you have any idea what transgender people like or who they may be attracted to? It appears that you know this so well that you have actually established rules about it.
My sibling struggled all of hir life with hir gender identity only finally finding a place to fit in hir forties. I have had to witness hir oppression at the hands of ignorant people who called themselves gay or lesbian. I have heard the demeaning jokes and the ignorance vomited from the mouths of privileged assholes who fancy themselves as progressive. I cannot sit idly by and let this garbage go unremarked.
I urge you all to educate yourselves on these issues. No one is going to do it for you. Becoming educated on the oppression issues of your own times is vastly superior to utterly embarrassing yourself with your lack of knowledge in a public forum.
Sorry to be so snarky – but this level of demeaning prejudice passed off as educated commentary – makes so angry I could write a nasty comment on a blog site. Oh wait a sec – I already did that.