Comments on: Being Gay is Exhausting! http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/2009/01/16/being-gay-is-exhausting/ Thu, 09 Sep 2010 13:17:14 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: scantron http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/2009/01/16/being-gay-is-exhausting/comment-page-1/#comment-4301 scantron Tue, 27 Jan 2009 20:54:15 +0000 http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/?p=2290#comment-4301 <a href='#comment-4241' rel="nofollow">@sugar_baby</a> - Thanks for sharing your experiences! A lot of times, I feel like we don't have these safe spaces for us to talk about our daily struggles and inner conflicts. So it's always nice to hear that we aren't alone in these situations. <abbr><em>scantron´s last blog post..<a href="http://beyrownqueero.com/post/73408015" rel="nofollow">Be Yr Own Queero chose the term Queer to represent our inclusion of the entire LGBTQ community.</a></em></abbr><div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('4301','scantron'); return false;">Reply</a> - <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('4301','scantron','<a href=\'#comment-4241\' rel=\"nofollow\">@sugar_baby<\/a> - Thanks for sharing your experiences! A lot of times, I feel like we don\'t have these safe spaces for us to talk about our daily struggles and inner conflicts. So it\'s always nice to hear that we aren\'t alone in these situations.\n\n<abbr><em>scantron´s last blog post..<a href=\"http:\/\/beyrownqueero.com\/post\/73408015\" rel=\"nofollow\">Be Yr Own Queero chose the term Queer to represent our inclusion of the entire LGBTQ community.<\/a><\/em><\/abbr>'); return false;">Quote</a></div> @sugar_baby – Thanks for sharing your experiences! A lot of times, I feel like we don’t have these safe spaces for us to talk about our daily struggles and inner conflicts. So it’s always nice to hear that we aren’t alone in these situations.

scantron´s last blog post..Be Yr Own Queero chose the term Queer to represent our inclusion of the entire LGBTQ community.

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]]> By: sugar_baby http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/2009/01/16/being-gay-is-exhausting/comment-page-1/#comment-4241 sugar_baby Mon, 19 Jan 2009 11:27:48 +0000 http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/?p=2290#comment-4241 Wow, I couldn't agree with you more. I have the same issues you do; people automatically assume I'm straight, which really bothers me on multiple levels. Just last month at work, we had this "get-to-know-each-other" lunch, and I was talking about how I knew a lot of the company already since my spouse works there as well. Everyone there, with the exception of the new guy, knew what I was talking about without me saying "spouse" or "wife" or partner, since I had just said "I've heard a lot about this company for a few months now!" Later, the new guy walked up to me and asked me if my husband worked with us. I was quick to inform him that it was my wife, to which he looked rather confused. (Perhaps, though, in hindsight I should have let him think otherwise; anytime I work with him now, there is some sort of ridiculous comment about gay people, including him once telling me that he likes "gay music"...*eye roll*) It does get tiring to out myself all the time. I've had to do it with strangers, new friends, coworkers, my son's teachers, principal, office secretaries, other mother's at his school, daycare providers...the list goes on and on. And I do get exhausted doing it, because sometimes I would just rather NOT have to talk about it and have people assume nothing, but inevitably, I end up having to correct someone's pronouns or partner reference, or explain why a woman's name appears on my emergency contact info or my son's emergency card at school. But as you said, it's important to come out these ways because if we don't, we reinforce the auto-assumptions that people have. If we can teach just one person each day to stop assuming strangers' sexual orientations, then maybe someday in the future, these situations won't happen to the next generation of gay folk.<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('4241','sugar_baby'); return false;">Reply</a> - <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('4241','sugar_baby','Wow, I couldn\'t agree with you more. I have the same issues you do; people automatically assume I\'m straight, which really bothers me on multiple levels. \r\nJust last month at work, we had this \"get-to-know-each-other\" lunch, and I was talking about how I knew a lot of the company already since my spouse works there as well. Everyone there, with the exception of the new guy, knew what I was talking about without me saying \"spouse\" or \"wife\" or partner, since I had just said \"I\'ve heard a lot about this company for a few months now!\" Later, the new guy walked up to me and asked me if my husband worked with us. I was quick to inform him that it was my wife, to which he looked rather confused. (Perhaps, though, in hindsight I should have let him think otherwise; anytime I work with him now, there is some sort of ridiculous comment about gay people, including him once telling me that he likes \"gay music\"...*eye roll*)\r\n\r\nIt does get tiring to out myself all the time. I\'ve had to do it with strangers, new friends, coworkers, my son\'s teachers, principal, office secretaries, other mother\'s at his school, daycare providers...the list goes on and on. And I do get exhausted doing it, because sometimes I would just rather NOT have to talk about it and have people assume nothing, but inevitably, I end up having to correct someone\'s pronouns or partner reference, or explain why a woman\'s name appears on my emergency contact info or my son\'s emergency card at school. \r\n\r\nBut as you said, it\'s important to come out these ways because if we don\'t, we reinforce the auto-assumptions that people have. If we can teach just one person each day to stop assuming strangers\' sexual orientations, then maybe someday in the future, these situations won\'t happen to the next generation of gay folk.'); return false;">Quote</a></div> Wow, I couldn’t agree with you more. I have the same issues you do; people automatically assume I’m straight, which really bothers me on multiple levels.
Just last month at work, we had this “get-to-know-each-other” lunch, and I was talking about how I knew a lot of the company already since my spouse works there as well. Everyone there, with the exception of the new guy, knew what I was talking about without me saying “spouse” or “wife” or partner, since I had just said “I’ve heard a lot about this company for a few months now!” Later, the new guy walked up to me and asked me if my husband worked with us. I was quick to inform him that it was my wife, to which he looked rather confused. (Perhaps, though, in hindsight I should have let him think otherwise; anytime I work with him now, there is some sort of ridiculous comment about gay people, including him once telling me that he likes “gay music”…*eye roll*)

It does get tiring to out myself all the time. I’ve had to do it with strangers, new friends, coworkers, my son’s teachers, principal, office secretaries, other mother’s at his school, daycare providers…the list goes on and on. And I do get exhausted doing it, because sometimes I would just rather NOT have to talk about it and have people assume nothing, but inevitably, I end up having to correct someone’s pronouns or partner reference, or explain why a woman’s name appears on my emergency contact info or my son’s emergency card at school.

But as you said, it’s important to come out these ways because if we don’t, we reinforce the auto-assumptions that people have. If we can teach just one person each day to stop assuming strangers’ sexual orientations, then maybe someday in the future, these situations won’t happen to the next generation of gay folk.

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