Name: Angel
Age: 21
Location: AK

Okay. I’m not to experienced with the lesbian thing quite yet. But oh, do I want to be. I’ve always been attracted to women sexually. I enjoy lesbian porn so so much lol. I never considered myself Bi or lesbian until the past 8 months or so. Ive still never really done anything with a girl except make out. Ive yet to have the relations I would like to have with a female.

I got married to a military man and not long after my urges to have sex with a female became stronger. I went on to this lesbian dating site just to see the lesbians in my small town. I talked to this girl who caught my eye, and we started talking ALL the time and everyday for hours. We hung out a couple times, nothing happened we just enjoyed each others company. Come to find out she is a military wife just like I am. Only differences is, she got married knowing she was a lesbian. She wasn’t married when I met her though. Her thing is she wants that all American family and doesn’t want her kids to have 2 moms. Anyway, her husband is deployed right now. It took us awhile to build up to where we are right now. There would be time periods where we talked all the time then time periods where we didn’t talk at all. But here lately we have been consistently talking and hanging out. Still nothing has physically happened with us. I can’t explain how much I like this girl. She’s amazing. And shes hottt. I don’t ever trust females but for some reason I trust her with everything. I feel like she is really the other half of me. We are a lot alike but yet so different…different enough to where we learn from each other you know?

At first I wasn’t sure if she felt the same way towards me. Because I would always drop hints towards her that I wanted her SO BAD. And she would kind of just laugh it off you know? Then, ONE DAY when she got drunk she started talking to me on MSN messenger. She started telling me how great I was..and how she confides in me..and I’m smart n gorgeous and how she is “out of control” for me. I wanted to elaborate on that but for some reason I didn’t. Then the next day I was hoping we would talk about it more, but she acted like she didn’t want to talk about it as always. Or that she was uncomfortable talking about it.

She is the more experienced one when it comes to this I don’t understand why she isn’t making any moves. Well, maybe i do. Her husband. My husband and I are having major issues and divorce has been brought up many times. This girl, THINKS that she is in a happy marriage..but this guy is lame, and I know its not going to last much longer. Her husband gave her permission to mess with girls while he is deployed. But being the wonderful person she is..she feels guilty about it. But shes already made out with 3 girls while hes been gone. I know this girl wants me as much as I want her. Its driving me nuts that I haven’t got in her pants yet. I honestly have feelings for this girl..deep deep feelings. And i feel she does to, and she scared. Its a weird situation to be in. Two Military wives madly “in like” with each other. We both don’t have the courage to make the first move. We’ve even tried getting drunk together..still, nothing happens. LOL its just makes me more shy and more horny. I just don’t know what to doooo. And I have no one to ask about this. This girl is driving me nuts.

Read the TLL Advice Panelists answers after the jump…

Dharma Kelleher

 

To provide some clarity, you are dealing with three separate issues. On the one hand, you’re dealing with questions about your sexual orientation. Your also dealing with how that affects your marriage. And finally, you’re dealing with your attraction to someone who is dealing with questions about her own sexuality. So let’s deal with them one at a time.
 
Regarding your sexuality, you have to decide is whether your attraction to women precludes any attraction to men. In other words, are you lesbian or are you bisexual? There’s no right or wrong answer, just one that is true for you. There’s also the possibility that your attraction to women is not actually a sexual/romantic attraction, but an infatuation triggered by a temporary aversion to your husband or men in general. It’s not common, but it happens. It might help to talk with a (non-homophobic) therapist who has experience helping people work sexuality issues.
 
From there, you have to decide what to do about your marriage. If you come to the conclusion that you are bisexual, then it may be sufficient to acknowledge your attraction to women without necessarily ending your marriage, if you are still in love with your husband. If you decide that you are no longer attracted to men at all and that you are truly a lesbian, then it may be time to consult a lawyer about an impending divorce. Again, you might need the help of a therapist to help you work through your feelings.
 
What I would caution against is getting involved sexually or emotionally with anyone else until after the issues of your marriage have been resolved. Straight or gay, cheating is a rotten thing to do and it only complicates your situation. Don’t use the euphoria of a tryst or new relationship as a way to dull the pain you’re dealing with on your marriage.
 
As for this other military wife, I would suggest walking away from that until your other issues are resolved. You’ve got enough drama on your plate with your own situation. Don’t add someone else’s drama to the mix. It will only make things worse. Trust me on that one.  
 
Coming out of the closet, whether as gay or bisexual is a lot like adolescence all over again. Lots of confusion, insecurity, and other powerful emotions without the maturity to make sense of them. But if you take things slow, avoid putting yourself in dangerous situations, and get help when you need help, you will make it through. Trust the process.

Peace out,
Dharma Kelleher
http://www.dharmakelleher.com/

Tina-cious

Hi “Angel”
 
Maybe you should consider settling your house first? If you’re new to “the game” and are truly a lesbian (and not just a bored housewife – no offense – but we’ve seen those too) — you are about to go through a lot in connection with that.
 
It’s a lot to deal with emotionally when you come out as gay. You have to consider your children, your family, your husband, your friendships, your job (if applicable), your everything.
 
Maybe you should leave things as friends for now while you figure out what you really and truly want before you level both your houses.
 
If just getting “in her pants” is all you both want and are just looking for a one-time deal then go for it — but if you are talking long term, I’d say throw on the brakes and realllllly think about what the long-term would mean and if that is truly for you.
 
Then deal with your husband problem (heh, problem) first and decide how you are going to handle all of that — then move forward.
 
Lesbians sex IS hot — but not worth it just for a temporary tryst into homo land.  If you’re moving here — you really need to make sure you are in love and not in lust before busting up your family and hers.
 
….my 2 cents…

Tina-cious

Lori Hahn

Having both been in the military and been a military wife at one point, I hear you.  I also know that the statistics on the potential “success” of both of your marriages is about 0%.  
 
You are married.  It’s failing.  In part because you aren’t present.  You are making out with girls and trying to figure out how to bed one.  How fair is that to the guy?  Having been cheated on and cheated in a relationship in the past, I know that neither end feels really good or gives one any sense of worth.  It’s dishonest.
 
You need to sort out who you are.  You can either decide to settle into this commitment you made, negotiate a new set of rules, or exit it so your husband can move on.  It’s the decent thing to do.  
 
Her husband gave her “permission” to sleep with girls?  Well, they do that out of naïveté. Like somehow, being involved with a girl can’t be that serious when there is a real man to take care of business once he comes back to her.   They don’t understand that most lesbians aren’t wired that way and may well get attached.  He’s not going to like that.   Thing is – what she does is not anything you can control and her marriage is just that, her marriage.
 
It’s not happening with this girl for a reason.  Doesn’t really matter what the reason is.  If you decide to exit your marriage so you can get to the root of who you are as a person, there will be plenty of other women who are both available and willing to help you out in the sex department.  You are 21.  You’ve got time to figure it out.  But, don’t do it at your husband’s expense.

Lori
Hahn at Home

Kelly Leszczynski

 

Angel,

Handle your marriage first. Stories like yours make me shun marriage altogether. Take things one at a time and they won’t be so overwhelming. But first and foremost you need to look at your marriage and figure out what needs to be done before you go sleeping with anyone else. It’s not fair to your husband and in the end won’t be fair to you.

Kelly
Brain Clouds

 

 

 

Shanna Katz

 

Out of the office

Shanna
www.shannakatz.com

 

 

 

 

 

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