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Name: Jace
Age: 23
Location: N/A

I have asked before in this panel. this is the extended story. My ex text me one day saying she’s upset. i asked what can I do, or if she wants to meet me? she asked me back if that helps? Ok, fine. later in the evening she asked me if I can help her,she cannot move and is having gastric pain. I got to where she is in half an hr but she’s there looking just fine and had lots of things to carry. after that we hang out for 4 consecutive days after which she went MIA again. she won’t look at me in the eyes and keep shying away. I did everything she requested but she blames me for being irrational and silly. she said she has now become rational and realized our love is wrong. God says women shouldn’t fall in love with each other, we are just not meant to be.

I must say I have been the nicest to her since our breakup. I take actions whenever she needs help, rather than just talking about helping her. She ask me to stop being nice to her because she feels bad she cannot be nice to me. the reason she gave is that she cannot reciprocate my love. it makes her feel bad that I am doing a lot more than the rest. she don’t want to be nice back to me or I will be misled. I told her I have given up and will appreciate she can just act normally and stop being especially nasty /harsh to me. Finally she came up with the “we shouldn’t be friends anymore” because this is not helping me.

I am crossed about what she is thinking or doing. she now regrets having me as a friend because she made me physically and mentally weak. she feels it’s all her fault that she let me in. She wants me to give up so that i don’t waste my time and youth on her, I should find someone worthy to love and care for me. she told me she has no feelings for me. When we’re together, we had a lot of sex and she said I made her horny. I am not sure anymore if it was lust or love for her. or did loneliness got the better of both of us?

she say she’s not ready for a new rs but she’s checking out a new guy whom I have met when i met her the last time. she’s esp nice to this guy, misleading the guy to think she likes him. this guy is a mutual friend who asks me about her. she has written off our rs to everyone she knows, like we didn’t happen at all. I know she won’t come back to me again. But she’s driving me crazy, I feel like dying.

This is a follow up question to

TLL Q&A Advice Panel Installment #15

Read the TLL Advice Panelists answers after the jump…

Lori Hahn

Dear, dear Jace,

It sounds like you are in a lot of pain.  And, that you were not able to take our cumulative advice.  I know, it’s hard to do that when you feel such strong emotions still raging within you.

You have to walk away.  You are not going to get anywhere here no matter what you do or who you try to become.  She will not love you in kind.  She does not love you.  You will not have a relationship with her.  She’s been as clear as she can be.

Stop seeing her.  Stop talking to her.  Stop driving by her house.  Stop hanging out in places you might bump into her.  Stop thinking you are going to change the outcome.  If you can, get to a therapist.

It hurts like hell, but you will get through it – one day at a time.  But, really, this situation will not improve and could potentially turn ugly.  In a really ugly way.

L
Hahn at Home

Shanna Katz

Jace-
Holy moly, that’s a long question, and I’m still not quite sure what you’re asking.  It seems like she’s been pretty clear about her feelings, as much as they may hurt.  She can’t be with you for religious reasons, she is having trouble remaining friends with you right now, etc.  My advice? Let things cool down. Yes, it’s ridiculously hard, but step away. Let both of you heal. When you try to be such good friends right after a break up, it can really hurt feelings and cause resentment.  It sounds to me like she’s asking you for space, so that hopefully you two can persue friendship later on, and that you’re just holding on for dear life to something that is over. Let both of you get some space and time to heal – ignore who she is flirting with or dating. Just let it be. In time (weeks, months, a year), whatever it is, once you two have re-grown your own lives, THEN you should get back together, as friends, and talk…when emotions are less tender.

Good luck!

Shanna
www.shannakatz.com

Dharma Kelleher

Dear Jace,

I had a similar relationship with a few of my exes. I kept thinking that if I could just make them love me, then all would be right with the world. It was a delusion. A codependent delusion. At the time, I had no clue what real love was. I eventually learned that you can’t change people.

Regardless of what you think of her reasons or rationalizations for not wanting to be with you, the fact remains that she has nothing to offer you. Move on, girl. Let her go and enjoy life. Clinging isn’t healthy. It’s only holding you back. Quit looking for “the one” in someone else and become “the one”. Love yourself first and everything else will take care of itself. And trust the process.

Peace out,
Dharma Kelleher
http://www.dharmakelleher.com/

Tina-cious

Dear Driving Miss Crazy,

Umm — walk away.

Don’t talk to her anymore… don’t contact her anymore… DEFINITELY don’t fuck her anymore…

Salvage whatever self-respect you have left and turn that woman loose.

Seriously — what more does she have to do to you before you think it’s time?

Let your mutual friend deal with whatever new heart ache she’s gonna dish out.

She sounds like yet another succubus that I’ve seen in my lifetime.

…my 2 cents…
Tina-cious

Kelly Leszczynski

Jace,

I will be short and sweet. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t love you back? Your job is to get over wanting what you can’t have and move on with life and love. Easier said than done, but it’s the only remedy.

Kelly
Brain Clouds

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* Please note that this advice should by no means be used as an actual diagnosis or therapy session. All of the panelists will be giving you their views from their own life experiences. If you have any further inquires please send them here.

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