TLL Q&A Advice Panel Installment #24

Feb
2009

Hot:

Name:
Emily Nichole

Age: 24
Location: N/A

How do I approach a woman? I am one of those women who has never “had to” approach someone, BUT has always held the burning desire to do so. I have no problem whatsoever taking the reigns with someone who I know likes me. However, when it comes to a complete stranger, I have never initiated contact. I’ve always been too nervous, or have perhaps dangled the “flirt carrot” just enough to still have room to pull it back to safety. I have been attracted to a lot of women who have been snatched up by my bolder, go-get(her) friends/associates….so basically, it all boils down to my need to fully ignite my inner Scorpio, which comes out in every other area of my life except this one.

Read the TLL Advice Panelists answers after the jump…

Lori Hahn

Boy, do I feel your pain. My best friend, who is still stymied by the “asking first” thing, is incredibly outgoing with EVERYONE, has lost out on countless opportunities because of the same thing. I’m, according to my girlfriends, just right once I get warmed up, but talking to a stranger is like pulling teeth for me. I think as women, we are encultured NOT to make the first move. As I took on my inner butchness, I realized that if I didn’t ask, the asking wouldn’t get done. And, it’s kind of scary if you think about the potential rejection. No one likes to be turned down. I started small – if I saw someone that interested me, I’d take notice of what she was doing (playing pool, swimming, whatever) – then I’d go up and ask her a question about it – practiced in my mind for several minutes first. It usually meets with success because people want to talk about what they like or who they are. As I did that, it got easier and easier. I’d find ways to practice it as often as possible in really small doses and would extend my attempts. Eye contact, physical proximity, and an engaged look and true interest in a person goes a very long way. I sure wish you luck! Let us know how it’s going.
Lori
Hahn at Home

Shanna Katz

Flirting is hard, regardless of gender or orientation.

Best way I’ve found to feel more comfortable going ovaries to the wall, and just doing it? Go someplace where you don’t know anyone. Not your usual haunt, but somewhere completely different. This way, if things don’t work out, you won’t have it haunting you. Get comfortable first…grab a drink or something to munch on, and scope the room. You can practice a bit; offer to buy someone a drink, or for a dance, or even start up a conversation about the game on the TV. Whatever it is, it should be a big deal. Practice a lot being flirty and friendly. This way, when you find someone that you do have interest in someone, you’ll feel comfortable with the friendly flirt. And perhaps, you’ll leave the carrot to dangle, without pulling it back.

It takes time. And that’s ok.

Good luck!

Shanna
www.shannakatz.com

Dharma Kelleher

My advice is don’t start with a complete stranger. Get to know people first. Become friends. And go from there. Allow nature to take its course. If, after getting to know a gal, you find yourself attracted and you think she might feel the same way (i.e. there seems to be some chemistry), make a move. You can either start by sharing your feelings or, if you’re feeling exceptionally bold, start with a simple kiss.

Peace out,
Dharma Kelleher
http://www.dharmakelleher.com/

Tina-cious

Out of the office.

Tina-cious

Kelly Leszczynski

Allow love to make you brave. Let yourself revel in the fact that the woman you are attracted to may be just as attracted to you. Fall back on the age old adage, “What’s the worst that can happen?” Remind yourself that love is worth the possible embarrassment. Remember all the positive things about yourself in order to build up your confidence.

More importantly than any of this. Don’t let a chance at love pass you by. Life’s too damn short!

Kelly
Brain Clouds

Do you have advice you would like to give? Be sure to leave your thoughts in the comments section of this post.

Do you have a question you would like to pose to The Lesbian Lifestyle Advice Panelists? Find out more about the panelists and submit your question here.

* Please note that this advice should by no means be used as an actual diagnosis or therapy session. All of the panelists will be giving you their views from their own life experiences. If you have any further inquires please send them here.