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Hi. You don’t know me, and judging from your recent public remarks of late, you don’t want to know me. And as I am a fervent member of the gay community, I’d rather not want to know you, either. But, as a senator, you have been charged with the duty of hearing the words of the people you so zealously serve in the name of God. I have a few words, and I do hope you take a moment out of your day to read some of them. What else are you getting paid to do other than flaunt prejudiced notions on the air to gain yourself fifteen more minutes of fame (Ann Coulter, darling, I’m also speaking to you)?

Canada sent troops to Vietnam

First of all, I read this morning that your homophobic remarks to reporter Reed Cowan, an openly gay man, has cost you a chair in the judicial committee you were apart of. I’d like to offer my congratulations, you dim-witted fool, for failing at failing. Sucks when bashing the gay movement gets you fired, doesn’t it? Having to admit that your bashing gay people won’t work in today’s society is rough, I imagine, but admitting one’s mistakes is just how people grow, dear Buttars. I for one am pleased that you are of the opinion that gay people are, and I quote, “probably the greatest threat to America going down.” It shows a lot about an elderly straight, white male in American society today.

I have a theory. Criticizing homosexuality is like one neighbor criticizing another neighbor’s lawn. It means you are so hyped up on your own twisted vanity and that of the others conforming to your views that to see anything different, like an overgrown yard in a suburbia of perfectly manicured lawns, is at once remarkably threatening to your peaceful, calm, submissive existence. It means you are criticizing someone else because you fear their freedom. Deep down, you crave that for yourself–but to keep your perfect reputation from being tarnished by your base desires, you feign disgust and hatred so that you might keep conforming. To be philosophical, you are trapped by the very society you helped shape.

I suppose I just want to let you know that it’s okay, Senator Buttars, if you want to like us, or be like us. Please, you must understand that your virulent remarks of hatred and disgust only portray you as a bigger faggot. Literally. I try not to use the word “faggot” when describing one of my fellow gays; it’s a word filled with nothing but reviling, loathsome feeling. However, I believe that people who cannot even stand up for their true feelings, who must project hatred onto the people he wants to be apart of, are cowardly and loathsome and to be reviled. Therefore, my dear Senator, you’ve earned the rightful term. You are a flaming faggot. You are the kind of gay that I adore to hate. And not because of what you happened to say–it’s because of your cowardice.

By the way, I’d like to remark upon the above statement, “the kind of gay that I adore to hate.” I mean two things when I say this:

1. I have a great disdain for stereotypes, and try my best to avoid them, and avoid becoming them.
2. You can take the “don’t hate!” stigma to hell for all I care. I believe in the power of hatred. I save it only for those whom I believe to deserve it, and in the words of my dear roommate, “be happy that I care enough to hate you, rather than forget you exist.” I believe that knowing that someone hates you can be a powerful teacher. I despise out of a want to teach the individual why their behavior is unacceptable.

Which brings me back to Senator Buttars, to whom I leave with this thought: consider letting your lawn grow a little. And fucking be a man about it, instead of BAWWing about how some innocent gay person might be harming your sainted manhood. Let’s be mature, here.

Chelsea @ Textphish