thelesbianlifestyle.com

So I have briefly told you my journey to realizing I am bisexual thus far.

I am in a relationship of some sorts at the moment with a girl. I will tell you what has happened so far and really appreciate your feedback on it and maybe some suggestions on what to do. I have spoken too many of my heterosexual friends about it, but I feel they don’t understand the complexity that comes with being ‘queer’.

So about 2 years ago I met my girlfriend at my flat. She is my ex flat mates girlfriend. At first instance I had no interest because I knew she was taken and my flat mate is a guy. Not that ever stops me. I just think most if not all women want to experiment with another woman if they just admit it to themselves; just my opinion. So we get talking and I see she is flirting with me, and of course I flirt back. There was just a spark between us, and kept saying to myself stop thinking these thoughts because she has a boyfriend, but alas after some alcohol and little encouragement we end up kissing a lot that night. Eventually her boyfriend sees and has a tantrum of note. I thought he was quite silly because he had himself in a situation where he could have 2 girls all to himself because prior to me meeting her, he and I messed around a little. I know I sound like a terrible person at the moment but I had no idea he had a girlfriend at that time. Anyway so that ended the night and I didn’t see her again for about 3 months. She came to our flat again and happen to have some alone time and exchanged numbers. All initiated by her I must add.

We started communicating and we got closer, became friends, but I think we knew if we met face to face it was way more than friendship because the chemistry was so intense with us. So we met face to face after a few months and ended up spending the night together, and no we didn’t have sex. I have no idea what it was about her that I didn’t want to jump straight to that with her. Something deep down said wait. The next day I tried calling her and there was no answer. I tried a few times but nothing. All of a sudden she stopped talking my calls, not replying to emails etc. so I thought she didn’t want this sort of relationship or I did something and left it and carried on with my life.

A year later her boyfriend and I got in contact and he was going to come over and we were going to chill out and catch up, this also meant cocc was involved, he said he will bring his girlfriend over as well. I was in utter shock. So they came over and I saw her and I felt my heart melt a bit, but said to myself no, she must be happy. Middle of that night he happened to go to the bathroom, and I couldn’t hold back and ended up kissing her. She responded and we left it there but she did tell me to please call her the next day. Which I did, and we spoke and everything started to unravel itself. She was misinformed that I had a girlfriend and was just messing around with her; that is why she stopped taking my calls. We got past that.

We started seeing and communicating with each other a lot since then but she still has her boyfriend. They have been together for 7 years and prior to me coming back into her life he proposed to her and she accepted. Anyway that is beside the point. We have fallen insanely in love with each other. I never thought I could feel such love like the way I feel about her. She is amazingly gorgeous and has super personality. My biggest concern was her family because she is so close to them and obviously this is not the type of life they ever planned for her. After a few months her family found out about us and needless to say they totally flipped; now they want her to get married to her boyfriend sooner more than later. In all this time she has tried to end our relationship numerous times because she doesn’t want to hurt me. Yet we can’t seem to stay apart from each other.

So that is the basic jest of the story so far. Here are my reasons for why this is the way it is. She won’t leave him because she is so used to being with him; change is not something she likes at all. She won’t leave him because she still has feelings for him. She is still with him because she is afraid of being alone. She won’t leave him because she doesn’t want to disappoint her family. I know that families over react when you come out, but they will come around, they may not agree but if they love you enough they will be ok. That I believe. I could walk away and tell her get married and do right by them, and then what live my life wondering what if? I also know that her entering this whole new world is so scary, with society being so cruel and with us being in a minority in this country does not make it any easier. I also know I can’t be that huge support she needs when she starts coming out because I myself am still coming out. So much of complexity in this…

All I do know is the way we do feel about each other. From both her and my side it is very real. I know she is not playing me we have been through so much so far. It’s been about 9 months now that this is going on. We have stopped the cocc a long time ago so it’s definitely not the influence between us. I love her and want to be with her, I am being patient in all this. I know it is up to her to take that leap of faith. It has to come from her. I have not pushed her in anyway. She must leave him because it’s not working not because of me. It is also just not a physically attraction between us, we compliment each other on every level.

So ladies and gents, what do you think? Should I wait it out? Walk away? Any advice…