thelesbianlifestyle.com

Are you on Facebook? Of course you are. Everyone is. Including me. Including my exes.

I keep a pretty lean friend list – no family, no extraneous friends, no riff raff. But when I got the requests from two exes, I was curious. I don’t make it a habit to stay friends with exes – I mean, what’s the point? There’s a reason we’re not together anymore, and I’m not a big fan of trying to make the past any better.  I accepted them anyway, just as part of my effort to not be so bitter or something, I don’t know.

They’re both in committed relationships now; one in a LTR, and the other is engaged – but both are with men. And I know they’re not the only exes who have done this, they’re just the ones I have heard from since dating them.

Why does this freak me out a little bit? I identify as butch/genderqueer, so I get that in some capacity the women I date/have dated are attracted to that male energy. But I’m not interested in bisexual women (no offense), and I was a little weirded out by the fact that both women went to men after dating me. Is that because I wonder if they were bisexual when I met them? Maybe.

I don’t think I take it personally; I don’t think it speaks to what their dating experience was with me, but I think it feeds into my fear that women appreciate the masculine side of me because they’re actually attracted to men. I hate saying that because I know femmes who fight that very stereotype, so I don’t want to do anything to perpetuate it. I also know butches who intentionally date bisexual women because they want a woman who embraces the masculine persona embodied in a female.

I’m not jealous, and I’m not upset about it; I actually wish them well and feel happy that they’ve found love. I just find it curious that they’re dating men instead of other women.

(I originally posted this over at my personal blog, can i help you, sir?)