So.

A few years ago I realize “Hey! I’m into butt sex! And I have a debit card and Babeland has a website! Rock!” So I go out and buy a beginner’s basic black plug for my rear end, wait the 3-5 business days, and get it in plain brown packaging at my college.

I use it a few times and realize it’s the shit (no pun intended) and am addicted. So one day I’m using it in my room (in a suite for 6) and forget to lock the door. How do I know? Because my roommate walks in. I’m under the covers, still clothed on top, so I wait about five minutes before realizing she isn’t leaving, and quickly shimmying into my pants under the blanket. I get up and run to the bathroom to take it out.

I’m sitting in the bathroom on the toilet and I think “Okay, it’s still in, let’s give this a shot.” Try and masturbate for about five minutes before realizing it’s just not working and giving up. I push the plunger, stand up.

And as I stand up, my butt muscles release, the plug falls into the bowl, and goes *SHWOOOOP* down the pipes.

I stand there staring at the bowl for about five minutes, hoping it’ll magically reappear. All I can picture is the plumbing for the entire dorm seizing up, and some plumber standing there digging in the plumbing, holding up the plug between two fingers and going “Now there’s yer problem, right there!” or having it float up in the middle of the night to say hello to one of my roommates.

I spend the next three days periodically going into the bathroom and flushing the toilet obsessively. On the fourth day one of my roommates takes me aside and asks “Are you feeling okay? You seem to be going to the bathroom a lot.”

*face palm*

Beka´s last blog post..So

Except, that lump of blankets on the other bunk bed? Not so much a lump of blankets. It turned out that we’d gotten a new roommate at 3 am: an older conservative woman who disapproved of masturbation. And who I woke up after her long night of travel. Because my bed was squeaking and my hand was down my shorts.

And then we lived together for two more months.

WHOOPS.

That night, my mom came home from work and, upon entering the bathroom, spied the cup full of water, with my upended plug inside. I heard her call my name and immediately remembered what I’d left in the bathroom. I hurried over and, when she asked what was in the cup, made up a lame story of getting my “paperweight” dirty and needing to soak it clean. She shrugged and left to start dinner, and as soon as she was gone I poured out the water, rinsed the plug and hid it deep in my closet.

I was mortified at my mom having seen it, and wondered if she even believed my story. But the alternative is waaaaay too embarrassing to even consider!

Whoops!

nell´s last blog post..the ties that bind, part the second

One day I was in the shower and decided to take advantage of the detachable shower head. The tiny bathroom was just adjacent to the tiny kitchen, which was our only communal space so I had to be very quiet. I leaned against the bathroom wall, with my legs apart and brought the shower head down, aiming the water at my clit. The water pressure was not that strong but eventually I started to get into it and moved my pelvis gently and I got closer to orgasm, my back against the wall.

Crack.

Suddenly my ass was no longer against the wall. I had managed to pop out two tiles with my butt to leave a hole in the wall. I was mortified at the idea of explaining to my six roommates who I had broken the shower wall so I propped the tiles back into place so that they would fall out when someone else was in there and then denied all knowledge of it…