A drop in a sea

Mar
2009

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My tongue does not speak your language, and my mind doesn’t necessarily harmonies with your ideas or views, but downright my heart does stream along with your hearts towards Love.
I have a confession, a secret that I’ve concealed for so many years, and today I’m scared that it might fade and die within me before I give it the chance to see the light of revealing, just for once, even if that once might be the last…
It’s a story of love. It’s a story of …her
And her name was “Princess”, and she was the princess of my life, right from the first glance…
She was simple like the Sun, always there, every day…And me? I was in a dark empty room called… “me”, a room where there were no windows ,no doors to open or to see through…no access and no exit, and still, I have no idea till today, how she , in a very smooth, tender way, managed to get through and reach out to me!
What was that secret scheme, or that magical spell she had? I don’t know…
I never approached her circle, never could, not because she wouldn’t see me but simply because she was far away, so far away. Or that’s what I thought….
I was an absent existing soul to every person around me, just kept on hiding from the vivid live of my fellows , flowing with the secret lines and curves I’ve used to create in my scraps’ book , minding myself, and minding nothing, except……minding her…and only her
Did she know when she was looking around and noticing with a royal courtesy all those who adored her company, that she was the one that I could only see…
And did she know or heard my heart beats following her steps through those empty streets, lonely streets, we walked every morning …
And did she know that I waited in the corners, hided in the corners of the rooms, just to watch over her, and share her concealed loneliness amongst the crowds…
And did she know that she turned my one mono color of life into an unlimited, so richly colorful palette of feelings…did she? And did she? And did she????
Yes she did…Because I dared to reach out my hands to the heart of the Sun, to touch it, knowing somewhere in my mind that it might burn me till I vanish, but did I fear the flame? Did I care the risk?…Never
What to vanish in her dazzling desert’s color eyes?
What to vanish in her secrets’ lands?
What to vanish in her warm embrace?
And she did embrace me, and she accepted to enter my open vague heart, and she accepted to call my anonymous name, and she accepted to appreciate my insignificant existence,…and she cared…
I escorted her like her odor, like a shadow, like the endless stretched sky, always with her even if we were not together…She, holding my heart in her hand, and me? Just holding my whole life…
But there, right behind us, was walking Fate, Sneaking Fate, bearing in his mysterious chest a desire to steal, and a plan to devastate a young free dream…
And so he did…at the end…………at the beginning…
But I’m still breathing.
We walked in the sun, not thinking of the rain, but the rain was falling and pouring on the roads we took… and washing away the steps we left behind…
We didn’t know…Still amazed, still overwhelmed…we didn’t know…
And she was gone. Around her leaving steps my roses were fading slowly and my winter was beginning, rushing his storms into my heart…… I didn’t know…
I never took her for granted, right from the first word .Never took her for granted…I held her in my heart like we hold water in our palms, so cautious not to drop..A drop…
Yet, Fate was stronger than my clinging tide fingers; separate them in a moment…
And she slipped away…
But I’m still breathing.
Time has no conscience…He can erase all the names, all the faces, all the memories,…He can replace lovers ,substitute places and lives within a blink of an eye…
Conscience is only for the lonely heart of a lover that will always hold the agony of “WHY” …
But I’m still breathing.
I remember ,once, while we were walking in an old road, she paused and asked me with that sweet smiling on her lips ” why did you picked me up amongst all those girls that were around you?” then she looked deeply into my eyes, and in a sad tone of confession she revealed “ I’m just a drop in a sea”…
I felt her words cutting through me, my heart quivered in my chest and my lips spoke” YOU ARE The Sea, I’ve drowned in you, and yet only then I knew how to breathe”.
I watched her walking away…towards the Sun…and they both set…leaving me upon an empty horizon…
It’s been more than nineteen years since she has been gone…The Sun has rosin millions of times on this world… but never had my Sun……….
I wonder, just wonder, does she know that I’m still breathing?!…
That nothing is coming in …and everything is going out?…
And I wonder, just wonder, does she deserve all this?