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It’s a little penis! Thank you, Babeland, for letting me test out this soft pack! What is a soft pack, you say? A soft pack is a faux penis that you can wear in your pants to create the look of a happy little bulge. A portable party for your pants, if you will. A few years back, I would have worn this damn near religiously. I tend to fluctuate with the gender flavor of the moment, and at that point in my life I was wearing mens clothes, underpants, etc., and occasionally when I went out found myself wishing for that finishing touch… socks in your pants aren’t the same. They don’t feel sexy, and you can’t imagine you’re packing… socks… and feel good about that. Unless you’ve got a foot fetish, that is.

Enter, the soft pack.

I wanted the mini, because it sits up all cute in the picture over at Babeland, but they sent the small. This is okay. It’s floppy and squishy and “realistic.” I like the shape of the thing, and the texture of it. It’s got skin-like wrinkles, indents, etc. If it wasn’t cool to the touch, you’d think it was a disembodied penis. It freaked out my partner, whom I smacked a lot with the packer. I’m… er… badly behaved?

When my partner asked why on earth I’d want a sad, limp penis, I promptly shoved it into my annoyingly pink hipster cut watermelon print girl panties.   And that’s when I realized I’ve changed a lot since my manties days. I’ve got to admit, though, that I still think the cock rocks in a frock… also, I might have eaten Dr. Seuss.

I would warn against setting your packer onto an unfinished wood surface, because you get ball marks on the wood. Why? I have no idea. I do know that if this happens, you get a lot of clever folks making comments about tea-bagging their drumset and wondering why I’m so sweaty. I tell you, I was watching Cops!

Er, was I reviewing something?

Right-o. The soft pack. It feels real, it’s really awesome, if you wanna bend or blend gender up a bit, I’d suggest trying it out. The small is a good size, it’s not too big and out there, and it’s not so tiny you forget it’s there, either. The larger sizes all seemed kinda big to me. I’m happy with the small (but still think mini would be adorable). You’re gonna need underpants that are snug, like tightie whitie style man briefs, or girlie boy briefs or a snug girl brief or something of the like. Or check into getting a packer strap thing. The back of the balls and the base is flat, but I don’t mind that. I think it fits nice and flush to my skin, and I can tuck the penis down a bit against the balls, and it feels pretty natural. As natural as I can know a penis feels in my pants, that is. I can see this working really well for long term wear.

The care and feeding of your disembodied penis

Wash with soap and water and store in a ziploc baggie with a little bit of corn starch. This keeps it from getting tacky, so that each time you pull it out it feels fantastic and skin-like. I was tempted to make it a little bed and find it a little musketeer hat, but then again, I’m a little twisted. The soft pack doesn’t eat anything, so you don’t really need to feed it.

Are you quite done?

Yep, that’s about it, folks! If you wanna try out packing, this is a really economical choice. It comes in pink (which is very pink) and tan, and comes in a number of sizes, so you can pack naturally, or pack like Goldmember from Austin Powers. It’s all up to you! Whatever you choose, I think you’ll like this series of packers.