thelesbianlifestyle.com

I allowed the very first woman that told me she loved me to lower my goals and ambitions

Allowed her to define my worth

Even though her definition was below my very existence

I redefined myself on her conditions

Even when

I love you

Became I hate you ho*s and bit*hes

Battle scars began to take the place of loving kisses

But I was willing to swim the distance

Excuse my self esteem and allow other women to give me the love she didn’t

I spent 4 years of my life as a victim that was voluntarily crippled

Until my wings could no long take the restrictions and I had to break free

The next woman that told me she loved me…. Had me

I’d never known love could be so strong

Lifted me off my feet and planted me beyond cloud nine

I was flying

I became an addict and she was my hourly addiction

Touched me in places I never knew existed

And allowed me to cross boundaries that were meant to never be broken

We moaned words that didn’t have to be spoken

My body became her playground

And I didn’t mind riding her merry go round as long as she stayed around

And come and go she went

With me and other women

Took the love that I gave and attempted to walk in shoes she could not fill

Never told me the woman she claimed to be was not real

I was all in

Riding 99 in a 45 before reality came crashing in

Put the hood through the back seat

My breath was the only thing left of me

When she was done there was no salvaging me

This love completely flat lined me

The next woman that told me she loved me had to walk with care

Understand that my heart was under repair

And could only operate at minimum capacity

She passionately erased the pain that was buried there

Allowed me to walk as a woman

Speak like a lady

She treated me like a queen daily

Taught me how to set boundaries without encasing my heart in concrete

She loved me

But we were only meant for a season and not a lifetime

She fulfilled God’s purpose in my life even if only for a moment in time

Though we’ve parted ways, she will always be a friend of mine

Now I truly know how to love me

What love is and isn’t

The standard has been set and I’ll never accept anything less

Will never allow a woman to physically or verbally abuse me

Will not lower my standards or forget my ambitions

The next woman

Will accept me mentally, physically, and spiritually

Only a woman of experience

One with virtue

Honesty

And integrity

But until then I’m 100% satisfied with simply loving me