Hot:

Name: Meg
Age: 23
Location: Arkansas

Hi there! Thanks for taking the time to help me out. A little background: I’ve been friends with Amanda for about eight years. I started to like her as more than a friend the first year we met. She was aware that I was a lesbian and became curious as to who I liked. Once I told her she said that she was flattered but didn’t feel the same. A little later we started to flirt a bit and became intimate on one occasion. Of course, after she admitted to enjoying it but let me know that it wouldn’t happen again.

Shortly after we had a falling out..we were young, immature, and were heading in two different directions. A while later we started to talk again and this time it feels different, more mature. We still flirt and are both single. As to date, she has only been with men but has said that she could date a woman.

Long story trying to make short…is she flirting with me and should I make a move? Here’s some examples (it’s hard to explain as lots of this is based on intuition and body language.) When we hang out it’s mostly just the two of us..we spend all day together until dinner…head home to freshen up then head back out. I always pick her up and pay for both of us 85% of the time. While talking we ‘talk’ about what ifs? What if we dated? How would we act? While at a restaurant she mentioned that she knew I noticed her and that it didn’t bother her. Our waitress brought us our food and I was overly nice. She called me a flirt and asked if a good looking celebrity walked in would I look? I replied: I’d keep my eyes on you the entire time! She laughed and called me a liar. A day before her Birthday we were supposed to go out just her and I. Her friend called to ask if she could help him get his car started as it wasn’t working properly at the time. She asked if I wanted to go with but I declined. I thought she’d only be an hour or so but after a few hours I became irritated and let her know that I was going to hang at home that night. She immediately drove home crying. We spoke the next day. (I would be upset if a friend said they couldn’t attend my outing but I probably wouldn’t cry and am interested if this was a ‘relationship’ type argument.) After I drop her off we talk to each other on the phone before bed and while taking care of her dog I playfully said that I loved her. She playfully said back – and I love….Tess (her dog) I laughed and said Oh! So you’re going to do that to me, huh? While spending time at my family’s house, on the phone, she asked if I had seen her naked. I started to blush and let her know my parents were in the next room. She laughed and kept repeating Have you? I finally replied yes and she simply said ok…wanna grab some dinner? She’s in Nursing school and is currently focusing on graduation which comes up in May. We haven’t seen each other as often because of this but have said things will get back to normal come next month. Because of this I text her flirty messages: Hey Gorgeous! Just thinking about you. She doesn’t reply but hasn’t complained. We’re both very vague about our past relationships. I can tell she doesn’t like to discuss them with me. With most friends, I/they are very open about other guys/girls. But with Amanda, it’s different. I’ve kissed her hand and she kissed me back. I should have made my move then. While over late, I asked her to stay the night and she answered ‘We’ll get there.” While kidding I asked her to give me a chance and she laughed it off. She called me the next morning telling me that I crossed the line, started crying and said that she didn’t want to lose me. I have asked her why we weren’t together and she let me know that there was no sexual tension. With our schedules, tension has built and things are more nervous now. My intuition says that she likes me but is scared. I understand that I should just ask her how she feels but she has said that she doesn’t like to have the ‘Where are we?’ talk…she likes things to flow naturally as do I. I’m thinking about just taking her hand. Thank you so much for your help. I’m glad there are people like you out there.

Read the TLL Advice Panelists answers after the jump…

Lori Hahn

She’s sending out all the signals that she is drifting towards the lavender love highway, but she said one thing that was very interesting and I’m hanging onto it:  she said there was no sexual tension.  I’d hate for this to be her just checking off a box on the sexual experience inventory.  I do think she’s toying with you—not in a malicious way – but in a way that tells me she’s scared and inexperienced and immature and experimenting—she’s the microscope and you get to be the test tube.  I think she’ll definitely fall into bed with you one of these days.  Be careful   
Lori
Hahn at Home

Shanna Katz

Meg - 

Communication. Say it with me.  Com. Mun. I. Cation.  Seriously.  I know you may want things to just flow, and that’s fine, but conversation can flow naturally as well. Voice these concerns to her. I mean, if she’s saying she doesn’t want to have the “where are we” talk, it seems to imply that there is a “we” to wonder about, and that’s an indication that she’s interested for sure! If you don’t talk to her about it, you might never know what could happen. Communicate. That is all.

Good luck!

Shanna
www.shannakatz.com

Dharma Kelleher

Hi Meg,
 
It sounds like there may be some attraction, but that Amanda just isn’t comfortable being in a lesbian relationship (and may never). Given that, it’s time to move on. Stop begging for scraps in the form of flirting. You deserve a fully-functioning romantic relationship. You won’t get that from Amanda.

Peace out,
Dharma Kelleher
http://www.dharmakelleher.com/

Tina-cious

Dear Meg-in me Beg,
 
I would back off.  Please don’t take this to be insulting as it’s not intended that way but … if she’s this wishy-washy about whether or not she’s interested, imagine what she’d be like in a relationship?!?
 
Do you really want to be with someone you have to drag down the road of life w/ you?
 
She’s obviously not sure what she wants yet with all the back and forth she’s doing — give her time to decide.  In the meantime I’d hang out with her less often and when I did I would not flirt or encourage her flirting.
 
I’d also start setting my eye out for other possible dates.  Sounds like you’ve halted meeting other people on her account.
 
Hey, you never know, maybe it’d speed up her decision but you can’t continue on this way — all I saw was a 5 min. snapshot of your life and I’m emotionally exhausted!
 
…my 2 cents…

Tina-cious

Kelly Leszczynski

Meg,

I feel you. Hanging on to something you hope can turn into your everything is hard. It can get confusing when the object of your affection is sending mixed signals. I suppose the answer here is what you think of yourself.

Do you have the time to wait for her to figure out what she wants? Do you feel like she is being honest and treating you with respect? Does she love you the way you love her?

As long as you feel that her intentions are good then things are fine. The problem is that love may be blinding you in regards to her intentions. Perhaps she just likes the attention she gets from you. Maybe she likes that you pay for things 85% of the time. Perhaps you are her go to girl when there isn’t anyone else to go to. Think about those options and attempt to determine if they are valid options.

Most importantly, be careful with your heart. You could be wasting time chasing her when another amazing woman is right under your nose. Love should be amazing, mutual, and is best when it’s out in the open. Maybe the best thing you could do is let her go and see if she comes back. If she doesn’t…… well….. then you have your answer.

Kelly
Brain Clouds

Do you have advice you would like to give? Be sure to leave your thoughts in the comments section of this post.

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* Please note that this advice should by no means be used as an actual diagnosis or therapy session. All of the panelists will be giving you their views from their own life experiences. If you have any further inquires please send them here.

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