thelesbianlifestyle.com

TLL has decided to follow up with those who have written to its advice panel and see how they’re doing a couple of months later. Though our “advice” is intended for “entertainment purposes only” and not to be construed as professional therapy of any type, we do like to know that our cumulative years of living might prove helpful to others.

Our first follow-up is with Frankie, TLL Question 27.  Her original letter asked: “I am beginning a new relationship and I am really crazy about her, and extremely attracted to her, but I am having the hardest time putting it into words and giving her compliments. She’s not super butch, but definitely a dyke and no words seem to fit. The word beautiful, to me its kind of a femme-y word. But she is a woman, and I don’t want to call her handsome. I feel stupid and inarticulate. I guess also that in the past I’ve been shallow and have usually dated conventionally attractive people and so this is new for me, to really be physically turned on by someone’s personality and way, and our connection not just shape and looks. I just don’t want to sound phoney or like I don’t mean it, ‘cause I do mean it but also I don’t, cause the words don’t seem right.”

TLL: Are you still in your new relationship? How’s it going?

We are still together, it has only improved. I am head-over-heels. HEAD-OVER-HEELS I SAY!

TLL: Were you able to come up with the compliments that were eluding you?

Yes, I just told her how I felt, or showed her, stopped worrying about it. I went for the VERBS not the ADJECTIVES!

TLL: What advice would you give to others going through a similar situation?

Well, I left out a bunch of details, like that this was “Coming Out Round Two.” I was out after college for a couple of years, and then for a variety of reasons, ended up marrying a man. And when I was with women before, I always picked ones I didn’t feel particularly strongly about, so when I came out this time, and started to experience this intense connection, it was overwhelming, to feel so attracted to a woman who looks gay and to really LIKE THAT. Wow, what does that say about me? So I think much of my hesitation came from that, really admitting and accepting, wow, this is real, I am really feeling this. So I can now, once and for all, deeply accept myself and enjoy the attraction.

TLL: Did any/all of the advice help you in your situation?

Yes! First, I felt human, understood. I loved the variety of responses. I read it over several times over a few weeks. The other thing that helped was checking out the websites of the advice panel, and just seeing the variety of expressions of lesbianism, and that I can really just be myself.

TLL: Thank you!

Thanks, Frankie, for keeping in touch!