2009
Surviving the Seven Year Itch
Ok, I’ll admit it: Long ago, in a time and low-lit joint far, far away, I used to be one half of that couple. You’ve no doubt spied them (and possibly gagged) while en route to the loo: they’re the ladies locking lips at the back of the club, the ones, who, in the throes of new passion, all but rip each others’ clothes off grinding to a slow jam on the dance floor while the more jaded amongst us roll their eyes in unison.
Yup. That was me. The one doing the ripping and gazing openly, seductively at the woman who would become my wife, everyone else be damned! Now, almost eight years and one gorgeous preschooler later, we’re lucky to watch a sitcom uninterrupted, forget indoor sports. Now, we’ve weathered storms stronger than restaurant choices, errant texts, or new love/ old ex insecurities.
We’re talking gale-force hurricane storms masquerading as financial calamities and errant stepsons. Towering tsunamis. Erupting volcanoes, fatal attraction-type fits, and other natural disasters. You get the idea.
Several months ago, I blogged about some of those storms. See http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/author/egarcia761/ .
Like LBD (lesbian bed death; a whole different subject deserving of its own site about which I’ll someday blog!), the seven year itch is largely viewed as a fabled phenom. But, as I’m here to testify, it’s real! The desire to re-examine and dissect the relationship, to panic, weigh options, question choices, and, yes, stray, arise in many, if not most, unions. And the average time they arise as supported by research? Approximately seven years post honeymoon phase.
Besides being cathartic, blogging about some of the problems we were facing and the resulting turmoil allowed me to step outside of the dysfunction and view my life objectively, if momentarily. Ascribing words to feelings (however inadequate given their gravity) forced me to articulate old grudges and resentments, which in turn forced me to address said issues; in addition to confronting my partner and airing our problems in a no bullshit form, I had to actually SEE her clearly. That is, I had to remove my resentment-filled filter, rub my eyes, and SEE her, the woman I fell in love with that awkward night in the now-shuttered, smoky bar long before smoking in bars was outlawed. And– guess what? She’s still there in all her smiling, dancing, genuine, warm, and loving glory.
In my original post, I was straddling a cusp– and not a particularly attractive one.
Thankfully, I’m– we’re– now planted firmly on one side. And the seven year itch is soothed.
By Elisa Garcia/ egarcia76
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The seven year itch is not a fable. Most every couple I know has gone through it in some form or another, me included. But, most every couple I know met in their very early twenties. My theory about seven year itch is that it really has more to do with growing into adulthood, settling in, and becoming the person who you are. And if both people are going through it at the same time, forget about it. Then when someone new comes around and thinks you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread, it’s easy to get caught up in “the new.”
If you are aware of and believe in the seven year itch, it’s much easier to see the warning signs so you can weather the storm.
[rq=3676,0,blog][/rq]Silly girl. You can’t hit a double.