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Name: Tra Andra Mitchell
Age: 16 going on 17
Location: Las Vegas, Nv

I am 16….my mom had been told my story when I was in the 8th grade ever since then shes been really ….idk..weird about me…I feel like she has given up on me…What do I do to help her understand that I can’t change who I am?

Read the TLL Advice Panelists answers after the jump…

Lori Hahn

Tra,
Parents have a hard time coming to grips with the burgeoning sexuality of their kids.  I know I have a very good relationship with my teens, but it’s still difficult.  We can’t help ourselves.  We have hopes and dreams for our babies – who not only aren’t babies anymore, but have their own vision of their future and it might not align with ours.

I don’t know how easy it is to talk to your mom, but I would let her know how you feel.  It can be scary, but it sounds like she’s unsure of what to do herself.  Maybe you could write her a letter and let her know so you don’t get sidetracked by her arguments or comments.

You might want to direct her to http://www.familyacceptance.org/home.html – confused parents seem to have found comfort there.

The one thing to remember is that you are still a minor and though you want what you want when you want it, your mother has some control.  Reason and logic, tempered with love (read:  react as an adult and hope to be treated as an adult) will get you a lot farther than you might think.
I think this situation lies in good part with you and how you handle it.  But, setting things right with your mom by open and honest communication seems to me the best route.  Even if it doesn’t go down well immediately, if she’s a reasonable woman, she’ll contemplate and perhaps shift her view.

Wishin’ you the best of luck.

Take good care.
Lori
Hahn at Home

Shanna Katz

Tra:

It’s hard when your best friend is also your partner, and it’s even harder when you’re not completely sure where your family stands on the matter. My advice for you? Sit down with your mother, maybe even write out some thoughts and questions beforehand. Explain your concerns, and your feelings, and ask that she does the same. Do the best to not get angry, or extremely emotional. It’s hard, but you *can* try.  Also let your girlfriend know how you’re feeling, so she doesn’t feel like you’re hiding anything from her, or pulling away.

I’ve said it a million times, I can say it again; communication. Communication is key!

Best of luck!

Shanna
www.shannakatz.com

Dharma Kelleher

Dear Tra,

First of all, congrats on coming out at such a young age. I wish I had had your courage!

Like you, my parents didn’t exactly embrace the real me. It can be hard to be rejected by those who claimed to love you. But in time, you will learn that you can survive, even if things don’t go exactly as you would like.

The good news is that in a few years, you will be on your own and you will be able to make your own decisions. For now, you have to deal with your mother and whatever rules she chooses to empose (although if it becomes abusive, get help). You can try to put her in touch with PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) or with other parents of LGBT teenagers. But ultimately she’s going to do what she’s going to do. It may mean the end of your first relationship, but it’s not the end of the world. You will have new relationships that make this one pale in comparison.

Your other option is to emancipate yourself, which means that you move out and support yourself. That may require the services of an attorney. It’s a difficult journey, but one that some people find worked for them.

Hang in there and trust the process.

Peace out,
Dharma Kelleher
http://www.dharmakelleher.com/

Tina-cious

Out of the office.

Tina-cious

Kelly Leszczynski

Tra,

I can’t promise you that your Mom will come around any time soon. I always thought that nothing could compare to a mother’s love. Then I heard the stories, and saw so many friends shunned by the one person in the world that was supposed to have their back.

What’s most important now is that you stay true to you and follow your heart. To lie to yourself to please your mother won’t do any good for either of you.

For now do your best to keep the lines of communication open. Be open and honest with her when you feel the time is right. You are young and despite your persistence she may think it’s just a phase. With time both she and you will discover it’s not.

Kelly
Brain Clouds

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* Please note that this advice should by no means be used as an actual diagnosis or therapy session. All of the panelists will be giving you their views from their own life experiences. If you have any further inquires please send them here.