thelesbianlifestyle.com

SexToys was kind enough to allow me to review Nina Hartley’s Guide to Stripping for your Partner. Let me just say that as much as I love Nina Hartley, I hate Evan Stone more. I may be hated for announcing this, but it’s the way I feel. There are occasions where I think he’s kind of funny, but mostly I think he’s frankly scary and Fabio-ish. But I saw this movie and I thought, hey, you know, why not? It’s about stripping for your partner. (Most) strippers have sexy moves, I wanna work on my moves, let’s give it a shot. I really like Nina Hartley. She’s smart and pretty and charismatic, and very enjoyable to watch. In the beginning, she and a very pretty young lady, Justine, are sitting in lingerie talking about stripping, doing the introduction, and I really wanted to watch them strip together, but alas they did not. This video has a decidedly heterosexual format, which is to be expected, but is disappointing nonetheless.

In the DVD, Nina strips for Marco Banderas in the first scene, and then Evan Stone strips for Marie Luv. By the way, in case you, like me, were unaware, it seems that all these guide films degenerate into sex in the end. I don’t know why I was surprised by this, really. The problem is, I never seem to like mainstream male porn stars in porn flicks. I’ll watch alt and queer guys go to town any day of the week, but… meh.

Evan Stone was the captain guy in Pirates XXX. I didn’t like him there. He was in something else I was unfortunate enough to see. I didn’t like him there, either. He’s in Space Nuts, a spoof of Space Balls, and I didn’t like him there (though I begrudgingly admit he was kinda funny). I noticed him as Kirk on the cover of Hustler’s This Ain’t Star Trek, and I vomited in my mouth a little. (I AM A TREKKIE AND THIS IS BLASPHEMY OF THE HIGHEST DEGREE! Do you hear me, Hustler!?) And now, he’s HERE. STRIPPING. In horrible multi-colored underpants with a sewn in bit to cradle his junk, so that it dangles and stuff. And he looks like a wannabe Tarzan. And… and… he takes off those underpants… oh, God, I’ll never be okay again. I could go on for days about the many many reasons I don’t like Evan Stone, but I’m stopping myself right now.

The video is supposed to be instructional. I found it to be so, for maybe twenty minutes or so, while Nina Hartley was talking and demonstrating stripping. She is very very sexy and her dancing and talking is quite helpful. She talks about choosing music that makes you want to dance, what kind of things to wear and how to layer for a successful reveal. It’s handy stuff. I didn’t like her music, though, and I wish she had had some kind of list of good tracks, or something along those lines. I really enjoyed watching her, and it was informative.

Then it turned into sex, and that was not so instructional. However it was acrobatic and impressive. Marco held her upside down on a chair for 69, which honestly gets some bonus points. The part where Evan Stone dances is not instructional either, but it’s because he doesn’t seem to be capable of speech, so you just have to watch him rip off his velcro pants and continue the trainwreck that is him getting naked. Don’t even start me on the horror that is Marie Luv rubbing real live money on Evan’s naked penis. I mean… honestly? I may have Evan Stone cock-money in my wallet? I think I threw up again in my mouth.

So, there’s some instruction which is good, but minimal, and if you’re a guy wanting to learn to strip there’s no instruction for you and you get subjected to Evan Stone. Nina Hartley is really so charming, but Evan Stone is so… just… himself, that I’ve got to say this isn’t worth it for me. I wanted way more instruction, maybe a couple of different women showing different techniques. Maybe they could show their techniques to each other. Maybe I could be in the video, and they could give me lap dances. Maybe there’d be special features where I get to erase Evan Stone from existence. All of these would make the movie way better.

Sorry, Nina. I gotta reject this. If you’re out there, though, and want to keep teaching me to strip, drop me an email.    Everyone else, wash your hands after you handle money. You never know.

sex toys | vibrators