Dear Eros

Sep
2009

Hot:

Well, here I am again. Did ya’ miss me? Yup. Single. Not-so-suddenly. We were on a long, slow death march for the last couple of months. Lovely woman. Love her very much. Totally incompatible for the long haul. My regular pronouncements during each of three major relationships over the past three years was: “This is it. No, really.” Which then, after the course of months and as the honeymoon dissolves into reality becomes “Not really, just kidding.” purgatory

So, what’s a girl to do? Maybe cry a little. Or not. Make jokes about my inability to couple appropriately. Tell the dramatic, or in this case, anti-climatic story to my friends. Find time, sans girlfriend, to lie around all day Saturday doing absolutely nothing but catch up on my DVR stuff, read a book, and take a nap. Oh, and get reacquainted with faithful Japanese appliance.

Then, as ritual, go to my computer and test my theory. I pull up both Yahoo! Personals and Match.com. Look through the photos to figure out just how depressed I should be.

And, what do I discover?

It’s the same pool of women who have been on the site since 2006 when I hit them the first time. Really. The same women. Updated photos. Punched up profiles. They have become dating professionals.

I thought perhaps they’d been there all the time when I realized that couldn’t possibly be true. They just all break up on the same cycle as me. It’s like the equivalent of women in the same office getting on the same menstrual cycle – only in this case, it’s synchronized Internet dating. My pool is more than finite, it’s my purgatory.

I’m doomed to living in the lesbian dating equivalent of Groundhog Day.

You are a funny little impish cherub, Eros, I must say. Tone it down a little, will ya’?

Love Maybe Some Other Day,

Al the Letter Writing Lesbian

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3 Responses to Dear Eros

Well it is nice to know I am not alone in this whole relationship perdacament. I too wonder why things don’t seem to work out once the honeymoon stage is over. I mean I am a realistic woman, I try to stay focused and grounded when I meet someone new, yet still once reality kicks in I rarely find that my partner and I are as compatible as I once thought, or hoped. And I agree that looking at some of the online dating sites and seeing the same faces year after year makes it all the more depressing. I just keep hoping that this is the process we all must go through to find “the one,” whatever that means.

But I guess in a way we are all addicted to love, because we keep doing it over and over in hopes that somehow we will get it right…isn’t that the definition of insanity?

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by Girl2grl on September 17th, 2009 at 1:19 PM

I dunno G2G – I think that we have a natural inclination to have a tribe – mate, kids, etc. It’s in our DNA. We as humans have the option of making choices if we want to fight those natural urges. At my age, I’m looking for hot sex sure, but I know that as my body slows down my need for amiable companionship is going to be greater. I’ve had a lot of great sex and not so much on the companionship. Here’s to your search–and mine.

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by al the lwl on September 17th, 2009 at 8:05 PM

Well Al you did certainly make me laugh by telling the truth as I live it.I hadn’t actually thought it through as far as you had, but the menses analogy certainly seems accurate to me. I just couldn’t possibly put myself back on those dating sites because I was pretty sure I would be counted among the terminal on-line daters, that are here too in L.A., the same people that were on-line two years ago when I broke up with my long term ex and more recently with my six month gf. I even remember just a few nights ago trolling through some CL ads and muttering to myself, “No shit, you’re still here….damn girl you have some real tenacity”.Well it’s all the way to the end of February and hopefully in the last five months you’ve broken the cycle. Thanks for a good rant.

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by Belle on February 25th, 2010 at 8:51 PM