2009
TLL Adult Review: Seven Minutes in Heaven
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Seven Minutes in Heaven, courtesy of GoodVibes, starts out with an intro with each of the seven cast members which is interesting. Many were kind of nervous, but some people were just excited to get down to business. It’s an all amateur cast, and for some this is their first porn film. Some – I was surprised – experienced their first queer encounters on this film. Also, this movie, Seven Minutes in Heaven, is the first queer gonzo-style porn ever, which means it’s all sex and no plot, and endeavors to put the viewer in the scene (that’s what “Gonzo” refers to). The movie is unscripted, the performers chose who they would have sex with, and what they wanted to do – the way real life sex should be. This porn is exactly the opposite of pretty much everything in existence. It’s queer, it’s messy, it’s unscripted, the performers don’t seem focused on doing what will look good on film, but instead, are focused on what feels good for them. It’s fantastic.
I was so excited about this film before watching it, just from looking at the cover. The cast is hip, they’re nerdy, they’re funky, they’re diverse. Racially, they’re only black and white, but I feel the cast is as varied and interesting as a seven actor cast can be, with respect to the many intersecting identities and desires of each person, which include race, sexual orientation, gender identity, role (top, bottom, switch) etc. After watching it now twice three times, I can say that I really and truly loved it. There were some things I didn’t care for, though. I don’t like all the talking between sex scenes, and wish that had been saved as bonus material. I also don’t like that we never get to see Carson orgasm (THIS IS A CRIME). I love everything else without fail. I love the diversity of the actors in what they like to do and have done to them, I love the chemistry, I love the sex toys, I love the setting, I love the laughter, I love the interplay of personalities and desires.
I love Seven Minutes in Heaven (click to view trailer). Now, let me show you why.
Interlude/Intro – Spin The Bottle
The film starts with Carson and Puck kissing. Carson’s the hot-as-sin pixie-faced dykey girl and Puck is a transman (or at least extremely butch, but I’m going to default to calling him “he” because in the film they reference fucking “girls and boys” and he’s the only one who seems like a boy). What a way to start off! They’re playing with jimmyjane’s spin the bottle game! When I saw that, I knew swanky sex toys were going to play prominently in this film. Stay tuned as I play Where’s Waldo with sex toys in this review.
Scene One – “Where should I begin?” with Sarah Lee Sinful & Tina Horn
Tina starts out spanking Sarah’s ass, which I’m not often fond of in porn, but somehow Tina’s enthusiasm and Sarah’s delicious booty-shaking hip gyrations make this a good time. In a fine example of Tina’s strong, sensual hotness, strokes Sarah’s thighs and breathes, “Where… do I… begin?” Tina’s sure movements are a nice counterpoint to Sarah’s inexperience and aimless desire. Sarah wants, but she doesn’t know what she wants, and Tina makes her an offer that takes Sarah’s breath away.
I love that there’s natural humor and laughter between the actors. I really like that in porn, as in real life sex. The dialogue is really hot here, too. Tina Horn is really good at dirty talk.
As a side note, they’ve draped something beneath Sarah that I think is a Leopard print Liberator Throe? Maybe not. But I think so. And it makes me happy.
Scene Two – Silent Finger Fucking with Jae and Joline
There is no dialogue here, which feels awkward. Additionally, the music track has random bird chirping which I don’t like. This is not my favorite scene, it’s too slow or something. I don’t feel like there’s passion or lust between the actors.
That said, they’re on a really awesome piece of furniture. It’s like a large leather stool or table with leather loop straps on the sides, for feet or something? I want to know. The fact that I come away from the scene more interested in the furniture is not so good. Next!
Interlude – Smoke Break
THIS IS A HORRIBLE PLACE FOR A PAUSE. It reminded me strongly of that awkward moment after sex with a new partner and you discover she smokes after sex, but you’re still living in the dorm, so you gotta throw something on and go sit on the steps and smoke with her while you still smell like sex. Only less walk of shamey.
The only good thing that comes of this is that Carson offers to teach Puck how to suck cock. YES. PLEASE. OHGOD.
Scene Three – “I’ll shove it down your throat,” with Carson & Puck
Carson straps on her cock. Her harness is the black Jaguar. Puck does the same. I think the cock is the Outlaw and I’m almost certain the harness is the Commando over another harness which simply covers his female genitals. Carson has a crop. Puck kneels at her feet. Carson whacks Puck lightly with the crop, bends down, and they kiss. Puck kisses Carson’s belly. Carson says, “Stick your tongue out, and put it on my cock.” Puck asks, “Like that?” She instructs him verbally as to how to proceed, what to do with his mouth, his lips and tongue.
I love when Puck looks up at Carson and asks, “Am I doing good?” his eyes so hopeful, so eager, and Carson replies coolly, “You’re doing alright. But you missed this side.” He goes to get that side. Puck can do no wrong. Carson is made of sex. I love this scene.
There’s more awesome in this scene, but I don’t have time to tell you about it.
Interlude – Putting a Dildo in a Strapon Harness and Giggling with Sophia and Jae
WHY WOULD A LOVING GOD ALLOW AN INTERRUPTION RIGHT HERE? RIGHT. FUCKING. HERE. Right after all that cock-sucking, deep-throating deliciousness, there’s an interlude. This killed my metaphorical boner.
Here, Sophia gets help putting a cock in her harness, and proceeds to do the strap-on-cock-dance. Don’t look at me like that. You know you’ve done it too.
I’m not talking about any more interludes, but just know they exist between every scene without fail.
Scene Four – “Rub it on my tits,” with Sophia and Tina
Tina and Sophia are making out on a bed. Clothes come off, and soon Tina and Sophia are jerking their cocks off, looking at each other. They’re enjoying it and I enjoy that they’re enjoying it, because this sort of act is one of those things I think about doing sometimes, and it’s an erotic image that makes no logical sense. It shouldn’t do anything for you, but it does. It’s all the visual, the head-space you get to when you’re jerking off your cock in front of another woman who’s jerking hers off. It’s really freaking hot.
After some mutual masturbation, dildo style, Sophia takes her cock off and uses the Gigi in blue on herself! With a condom over it, score for safe toy sharing!
Scene Five – Bathroom Spanking with Carson and Joline
They’re in the bathroom. I like the music here, it’s edgy and mostly beat, which matches the spanking and slapping theme of the scene. Joline’s face, as she’s getting spanked, is almost serene. I like watching people who crave to be spanked get what they want. I don’t want to see someone be punished, who tries to escape. Joline looks as though this is the very thing she needed most in the world.
The action moves to the tub, AND THEN CARSON IS USING THE LELO IRIS ON JOLINE.
Joline’s panties are being used as a gag which doesn’t do it for me. She could take them out whenever she wants, and that fact alone ruins it for me. But Carson’s hand, intermittently at Joline’s neck, as if she might cut off Joline’s airway at any moment, does do it for me. End scene.
Scene Six – Somewhere, Someone is Having an Orgasm, while Tina spanks and flogs Jae and Joline
Tina caresses Joline’s ass. I love Joline’s hip/ass tattoos. Tina spanks Joline. Jae watches. Tina flogs Joline. Jae watches. Joline loves this. Somewhere, someone is having an orgasm. I can hear it. Tina caresses Jae’s ass, and then flogs her. Soon, Tina is flogging both Jae and Joline, who kneel hands and knees, side by side.
Tina has hit her stride. She loves this. She’s got footwork to go with her flogging, she has style, she’s good at this.
Scene Seven – “Do you want me inside you?” with Sophia, Carson, Sarah and Puck
Sophia was dared to do something she’s always wanted to do but never done. She has always wanted to be fucked or fuck someone with a strap-on, so here she is, ready to get fucked by Carson, Puck and Sarah.
The music is amazing, heavy, bass driven and Carson is gloved and stroking Sophia. Puck peels off Sophia’s shirt, kisses her and caresses her breasts while Carson continues to stimulate Sophia with her hands. Puck positions himself over Sophia’s face and she fellates his strap-on cock. He has great, dorky suspenders attached to his harness.
Dorky harness fashion for the win! Sarah is also wearing a harness, hers with jaunty studded belt, for another bit of fabulous harness fashion.
They all fuck Sophia in turn. I’m fairly sure Sophia came more than once. This is just an all around hot scene with lots of variety and different positions. It ends with Carson finger fucking Sophia and Puck finger fucking Sarah. Amazing scene.
Scene Eight – Two Tops in a Tub with Carson and Tina
Carson’s dark hair and black leather jacket is delicious against Tina’s blond hair and white leather jacket. The two make out aggressively in the bathroom, pushing each other against the wall. After seeing each of them top others in other scenes, watching them together pushes all the buttons I have left.
They stumble over to the tub. Carson’s really good at the dirty talk, too. Tina is extremely receptive to Carson’s roughness, pushing and spanking. The two end up on the floor of the tub, where Carson uses her hands to get Tina off. Tina is loud, expressive, and extraordinarily hot to watch. Carson really gets into it. Totally hot scene.
Scene Nine – Two Fuck on a Chair While One Shines the Boots with Puck, Joline and Jae
Otherwise entitled, What The Flipping Fuck?
Joline and Puck are getting naked, having fun… and Jae is shining Puck’s shoes. I do not understand this. It’s not hot. Add to this the fact that Jae, shining the shoes, is black and Puck and Joline are white, this just doesn’t sit well with me. Maybe Jae has a shoe fetish, I’m not sure.
After Puck and Joline are through, Jae and Joline both work to get Puck off. It’s a threeway, sort of, and while Joline works to get Puck off, Puck’s getting Jae off. The way this scene is filmed is just way too close to the genitals. I wish the camera had panned back a distance, it’s too close and it’s not as hot as other scenes. Also, it’s a short scene.
The film ends with everyone coming into the room where the threesome just ended where they all collapse on the floor. The ending music has lyrics that go, “Let’s leave the Sex Club.”
First rule of Sex Club? Don’t talk about Sex Club.
I, however, will be talking about this sex club endlessly, to anyone who will listen. Head over to GoodVibes and buy a copy of Seven Minutes in Heaven. Don’t think twice. You won’t be sorry.
Sounds like this might be a nice Christmas present! Thank you!!!
GG