IS THERE SUCH A THING AS A TRUE BISEXUAL?

Dec
2009

IS THERE SUCH A THING AS A TRUE BISEXUAL?

For those of you who didn’t tune into the film industry through going to the movies or ultimately renting the DVD or watching on cable the movie Kinsey in 2004 about sex researcher extraordinaire Alfred Kinsey, prepare yourself for another one of my history lessons. By now you should be used to it with the Sappho bio and BEWARE, THE UPCOMING guide through the history of marriage.

Kinsey, born 1894 – 1956, is commonly known as the father of sexology or the study of human sexuality as a science. His work has profoundly influenced social and cultural values all over the world and the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction remains in his name at Indiana University. Most well known of his work after interviewing thousands and thousands of individuals was the idea that at least 10% of the population was gay and that sexuality was not a static idea as simple as hetero and homosexual. It was fluid and fell on a scale, known as the Kinsey scale, running from 0 to 6 with 0 being completely straight, 6 completely gay and 3 being completely bisexual. Later a 7 was added for asexuals. Before this monumental work sex was in the shadows of modern life and virtually unspoken of in the media, sciences and news. His contribution to the cause of opening the door for us to walk through should not be underrated.

So onto the real subject, is there such a thing as a three, a true bisexual with absolutely no preference between the sexes? And where on the scale do you fall?
I know for a fact not all lesbians are sixes. I’d have to call myself a 4.85 or something based on my life history while presently I would never sleep with a man, I can still sit back in awe of the male form when a real gorgeous one comes my way. It’s just that now I am no longer confused when that same man starts to flirt with me like I was when I was younger and single, lonely and wondering am I really totally…? YES would scream back at me whenever I was weak enough to fall down that path but it didn’t mean a pretty man couldn’t flirt and get me drunk enough to con his way into my home and then my bed many years ago so obviously I am not a six! Sex with men and women is so totally different I cannot conceive of someone who finds them interchangeable. I have admitted to getting myself in trouble with the “professed” or “recently converted” bisexual but I know exactly what women who are a four or a five are like to be with and exactly what they think of being with women and why they choose men, it’s part of their societal wiring. Without fail, the way the culture treats a man and a woman and two women will drive a woman who is experimenting but still likes men back to men. It is almost inevitable. If there is such an animal as a three, how does he or she fight the urge to be treated as “normal” folk and be completely unbiased? I don’t believe it’s possible. I’m not saying there aren’t bisexuals out there in relationships with the same sex. They have fallen in love and love is a cruel animal that strikes without warning but like tributaries flow into a mighty river, the bisexual will eventually wind up with the opposite sex, or so my imagination believes and my eyes have seen in my lifetime.

The exceptions to this are the “converts” who were really lesbians all along and just didn’t know it. My best friend is of this category. She was 29 and entered her first lesbian experience and stayed with the same woman for 12 years. After they broke up she was unsure what to do and found that she had no real desire to be with men. She even took one for a test drive to push the point home. Sex with men was a thing of the past. She had tasted something that ignited a new desire in her and no second-rate, stubbly-faced, man is going to do for her. Sorry guys, it’s a metaphor, kind of.

So, let me here from all you threes out there telling me how wrong I am. This again is just my opinion. Thanks for indulging me.

Inspired by Sappho’s Muse

Guest Post Sent In From: Sappho Eurygyus
Email: maxieblue@gmail.com
Website: http://www.sapphospeaks.com
Quote: Life can only be understood backwards, but must be lived forwards.

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3 Responses to IS THERE SUCH A THING AS A TRUE BISEXUAL?

Sexual desire is complex and in my opinion depends on needs and emotions just as much as on physical attraction and pleasure. Some peopel my behave based on strictly physical desire, but I haven’t seen or experienced this as a predominant way of starting various relationships.
I don’t think that bisexual desire has much to do with interchangeability of having sex with men and women. Rather, I understand bisexual feelings as enjoying relationships (personal, interactive, sexual) with both men and women. That does not mean same needs and wants are satisfied in the same way and level with a man compared to with a woman.
So this whole argument about men and women being equally viewed by a “true bisexual” is full of oxymoronic assumptions and statements. I’m sure that if you asked a variety of bisexuals, one would get a variety of answers.

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by Tina on December 13th, 2009 at 3:17 AM

I don’t think of it has such a static thing. As if you sexuality clicks into a 3 or a 5. More like a range finder. And it changes like your friend who went back and tried men after a long term same sex relationship. Attracted to the man? Yeah, sure. But not permanently. As for myself, I thought I was hetero. Married for 10 yrs. Would have put myself at 1.5 if asked at the time. But after my divorce and years of feeling asexual, I fell for a woman. A lot of things fell into place for me, including finally getting why sex was such a big deal to people. The relationship didn’t last but I know I’m not going back to men. I can still view them as sexually attractive, but Its more along the lines of viewing something in a museum-I can see the beauty in it, the attraction to it , but choose not to sleep with it. Does that make me bisexual, a 3? No. But I know I’ve passed through a three at some point on this journey. Now I’d put myself at about a 4.8 -5. Not sure how I’m splitting hairs there but it makes sense to me. And I’ll keep moving forward incrementally as I go.

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by Edge on December 13th, 2009 at 10:12 AM

I totally understand what you mean and used myself as someone whose sexuality has ebbed and flowed over the years. There are however those out there who claim to be “true bisexuals” and that was what the article was about. Of course people slide up and down the scale in small increments or do a swing shift like my friend, but she considers herself to have been gay all along and just not know it. I agree with the fluidity of sexuality to a point but not that one goes from a one to a six to a one in their lives. It is a very subtle shift that in my opinion that happens with age and maturity and becomes more static as we become more sure of ourselves and who we want.

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by Sappho on December 31st, 2009 at 11:19 AM