2009
Sappho Speaks: “The 5-Minute Test: An Online Dating Weed Out Exam”
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Lectori Salutem! or L.S. (Greetings to the Reader!)
For those of you out in the online dating world, I have come up with a little test to weed a bit of the undesirables from the beginning. Now, if you can’t pass the quiz, Houston, I’m afraid we might have a problem. So here it is for you to peruse.
I have devised a new quiz that may weed out some of the crazies, losers, and overall intellectually inferior women to society-at-large from those who can maintain a sane front for the initial interactions during Internet dating:
1. Name all the presidents from now to the assassination of JFK.
This answer will tell you whether the person listened during high school and/or has listened to the news on and off ever since. It will also betray the age gap between you and your paramour. If she has no recollection of the Bush I years as well as did not hear about them in high school, she is most likely too young!!!!!
ANSWER: LBJ, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush 1, Clinton, Bush II, Obama
2. Can she name at least 10 state capitals not including the great state of Texas? Just another question to make sure your not dating someone that could end up on the news representing the decline of America’s educational system.
3. Does she know what a DSM-IV is?
ANSWER: This is a trick question. If she says “yes” immediately, you have to follow up quickly with “What is your diagnosis?” and see if you can catch her off guard enough to tell the truth or fumble lying. This is a judgment call. Since the DSM-IV is the psychiatric manual used to number, categorize, and name all psychiatric diagnoses, there is, of course, more than one reason to know about it. After a “yes” answer, anyone with a non-diagnosis would most likely laugh and then voluntarily tell you the story of their coming to know of the manual. Several homosexuals know of it as the book that had being gay as an actual disease until the 1970’s when the American Psychiatric Association took it off their books. Others know of it because of the controversy not over the definition and assignment of being transgender but over its treatment protocol. Most have never heard of the manual. They, of course, get a green light too!!!
4. Strictly an easy grammar question: when and where do you use they’re, their, and there?
ANSWER: Use your own rules to judge your prospective date. That way you guys are on the same wavelength.
5. How many months have 28 days?
ANSWER: Trick Question as many will answer one thinking of just February but really easy if your girl is thinking about passing for a chance at a date with you!!! All of them, of course. All months have at least 28 days.
6. Divide 30 by 10 and then multiply by 2.
ANSWER: 6. 30/10 = 3 * 2 = 6 This is the basic formula for making a 20% tip in a restaurant. You don’t want your partner to be unable to figure out a simple tip in her brain at a dinner with friends! So, the formula is Total Amount/10 times 2 = 20% tip. If you want to leave less or more, just substitute your own number for the number 2. (i.e. 15% would be 1.5 and 25 % would be 2.5 etc.)
BONUS QUESTION: (Extra Points awarded if correct should she be of such beauty that if one of the previous answers were really messed up, she just must get a second chance.) Finally, here is a simple logic question. You are stranded in a darkened kitchen with only uncooked food to eat and a tapered candle , a match, a kerosene lamp, a Coleman gas stove, and Dr. Pepper. You are hungry and need to eat. Which item do you think lights up first?
DON”T READ ON. WHAT’S YOUR ANSWER?
Now, most people will think of the items and say the tapered candle because it could light everything else. They forget that the match has to light the candle.
So, think about these questions and whether you want someone who can think a little outside the box in the next person you meet. Try the quiz. See how she does. You never know how things might turn out. If you didn’t know the answers to some of these questions, remember in reality, this is all a little tongue in cheek… or is it? Passing is 5 questions out of 6 where the Bonus Question can substitute for any other question. PLEASE REMEMBER. THIS IS ALL IN FUN AND DO NOT HOLD ME RESPONSIBLE FOR THE OUTCOME OF ANY RELATIONSHIP DUE TO THE ACCURACY/INACCURACY OF THIS EXAM.
Much Love.
Inspired by Sappho’s Muse
