SOCIAL CHAMELEONS: FRIEND OR FOE?

Dec
2009

Hot:

Lectori Salutem! or L.S. (Greetings to the Reader!)

I’m sure all of us know what a chameleon is, especially here in Texas where those green suckers go running by with their gorgeous grapefruit necks puffing in and out. What though, is a social chameleon? There is the standard definition as someone who tries to change the way they interact depending on who they are with by mimicking others behavior, sometimes down to their gestures, thus putting their subjects at ease and making everyone they are with feel special and more at ease. OK… WARNING!!!! THE NEXT THREE PARAGRAPHS ARE A BIT DRY AND SCIENTIFIC-Y BUT VERY INTERESTING TO ME AND I THINK SOME OF MY READERS. IF YOU CARE NOT WHERE/WHAT A SOCIAL CHAMELEON IS, HOW THEY GET IN YOUR LIFE, ETC SKIP THEM BUT READ THE BOLD TEXT!!!

This kind of person is not easy to spot as they are highly intelligent and almost always an INTP (Introspective intuitive Thinking Perceiving) or Introverted Thinking with Extroverted Intuition according to the Myers Briggs Standardized Personality Test. Now, to be sure, not all or even most INTPs are social chameleons and the inverted is certainly not always true either and that is the case we will be looking at for INTP social chameleons are usually harmless in their intentions. While extremely intelligent, they seem to adapt to their surroundings as a way to put others at ease (including themselves) for they live a more solitary existence than most and are constantly stuck inside their own minds analyzing difficult problems, identifying patterns of how life could be improved, and coming up with logical explanations to share with others. It is my belief that these are not the social chameleons to be wary of. These are not the people that will end up hurting you without warning.

My definition of the second kind of social chameleon is similar only in face value to the first. The real social chameleons that go from person to person being all things to all people are simply a blank slate in reality. They are either so damaged or so stunted that at some point in their growth they simply shut down and adopted a malleable yet likable persona – a simpleton of sorts that layers could be added or subtracted to depending upon the situation. The layers become a bit thicker through the years but the true person never changes and the values or belief system that make up anyone are simply not present in this core. It is built into the layers – layers that on some issues have both the positive and negative viewpoint to fulfill everyone’s dream for the perfect friend or lover. How is this different than the above definition? This persona requires no special intelligence, only a good memory and the ability to split off into different versions of one’s self at a whim. For this type of social chameleon the layers are revealed to new people in their life so slowly they are often seen as mysterious and elusive, a trait the chameleon encourages in their friends and prey.

So, now that we have identified in clinical terms what this social chameleon is and how he or she uses a basic personality that can be loved by all, perfected over years of trial and error through adolescence to young adulthood, let’s look at how in practical terms this person uses the layers of personality growth they experience over a lifetime as a coating of armor put on at will depending on the person the encounter in their every day life. It is one of the reasons they keep their life so compartmentalized and friendships do not easily overlap. Each person in the chameleon’s life has a different perspective of who that person is and only those with the closest of projections are even allowed to speak to each other – even then, it would be preferable if one of the two is shy or had a sense of privacy about the chameleon’s relationship with them. Those types of feelings are easily fostered by a sexual relationship that is turned into something more by the chameleon to suit her purposes for the moment as well.

The saddest part of this type of social chameleon’s existence is that they buy into their own bill of goods. They feel whatever the moment requires them to feel according to the grand design of a more complex organism than they themselves had been given the skills to interpret – their own self-consciousness or their id. These humans are being led around by a damaged brain that is today even being studied in the neurological journal Neurocase by psychologist Giovannina Conchiglia and colleagues. The conclusions show that the behavior of these social chameleons might not only be influenced by physical damage caused to the brain, but also by the wishes and desires of the patients.

So, that read like a lot of scientific B. S. and I am sure was not as interesting to most of you as it was to me. It will always be a balance between what the readers want and what I feel I must divulge. I hope most of you are still with me to the GOOD STUFF. It is finally time to deconstruct these lizards as they exist in our every day lives – that is, how they affect us, or in this case, me. I will try not to project my views of these master manipulators onto you too much just yet until I hear back from some of you that you know the people of which I speak. I few paragraphs down I believe I transgress.

Most often this brand of chameleon is like the ones bred here in Texas – sleek and beautiful to look at but if you get too close they will slip right through your fingers or worse yet, when captured, turn a shade of brown that makes them thoroughly unattractive. It is really only the bright green ones, running from a day in the grass or other foliage that catch our attention. Such is the same with their human counterparts. If you know one, he/she (most likely a she) is beautiful, achieved something early in life that she clings to that is actually impressive (a ranked figure skater when she was young, a child actor), and/or has a skill that she doesn’t use or explore nearly enough inviting compliments and encouragement from everyone she meets with offers of help (an excellent artist, a web designer or model).

One trait they seem to all have in common is they are always the damsel in distress – the dumb blonde in the ways of the world of whatever it is they do not want to do (drive, get the check, grocery shop, directions anywhere, etc…) and they love to be thought of that way as long as their intelligence is acknowledged in other ways (look at how deep I am because I asked the question “Does God exist?”). The problem is by the time these issues become part of your existence with this chameleon in your life she is filling a void you did not even know you had with some of her layers that over time she applied on a hit and miss basis until she got the right combination to get you to drive her everywhere, pick up the check most of the time you went to dinner, (her layers knew your limit was three in a row and she always picked up the forth), and she somehow was with you when you went grocery shopping even though her house was 10 minutes out of your way.

Like the bright chameleons here in Texas you are almost never satisfied to just look at them from a healthy perspective. You have to possess one for yourself, at least for a little while and I have made that easy mistake on more than one occasion. If you haven’t guessed it yet I just transitioned to a particular social chameleon that was in my life and still would be had this blog not come into conception a month ago and started me thinking. I’m not sure she is the only one still in my life either because there are people I know on very superficial levels that could be just waiting me out, waiting for a little room in my life that I just made available with the exit of a big, beautiful lizard. Look out Houston – she’s on the loose!

Identifying these people in your life is the biggest and hardest step because you don’t want to think everything between you all these years has been a lie and it hasn’t. These social chameleons live there lives in this world they build based on the raw version of themselves filled with different layers of themselves that are true but are exposed at different times in different sequences and frequencies to each person in their life. No one person will ever know all the layers and over time you may feel you have met most of the different layers of a complete person, but with this type of social chameleon a complete person has never been constructed for anyone. It is their biggest fear to look in the mirror at all that they are and find nothing of substance looking back so they construct themselves in the image of whoever they are with for as long as they can get away with it. You do know the realest them that you can know so it is not a lie as in they are anybody different than they can be. Just run like the wind because when you need them for some real emotional support they are not capable of all of a sudden pulling together their empathy and being their for you. Emotions are something that stay fragmented with the layers and even when some of the layers are reunited, the emotions never are. The social chameleon may be able to display emotions but they are merely crocodile tears as put on as the best actress in many a play here in Houston’s vast Theater District. These people are to be feared and to be left to their own devices. Only then will perhaps some introspection occur to have them look past the empty reflection in the mirror that causes them to immediately turn away, but I doubt it. I am sure an entire week of blogs could be dedicated to why they are who they are, but it won’t change the hurt they can cause so I reach out to you as fellow human beings and warn you of their intoxicating powers of behavior modeling, telling you what you want to hear, and magnanimous gestures in the beginning that seem to good to be true. If it walks like a duck….

Much Love.

Inspired By Sappho’s Muse

MUSIC OF THE DAY
Since so much of what I am talking about is the ego of the social chameleon, how can I pass up the chance to play Beyonce’s Diva. Now, I’m sure the appropriate choice would have been her song Ego but it feature Kanye West and he is still on my black list. Don’t worry, Diva gives Ego a run for its money in the self-promotion category and is a great song to boot. The first song that popped into my mind that could cover the subject equally is Carly Simon’s You’re So Vain. While these to artists have nothing is common style-wise, they both married high profile singers of their day, did multiple duets with each other, it is yet to me seen if Beyonce & Jay-Z will spout progeny the way Carly and James Taylor did (or end up in divorce court for that matter) but they both represent powerhouses of the female singer/songwriter performer and are both worth a listen to today.

Enjoy!!!

Diva Beyoncé
You’re So Vain Carly Simon

QUOTE OF THE DAY
No matter what our achievements might be, we think well of ourselves only in rare moments. We need people to bear witness against our inner judge, who keeps books on our shortcomings and transgressions. We need people to convince us we are not as bad as we think we are.
Eric Hoffer

Guest Post Sent In From: Sappho Eurygyus
Email: maxieblue@gmail.com
Website: http://www.sapphospeaks.com
Quote: Life can only be understood backwards, but must be lived forwards.