Lesbian Friendships

Jan
2010

Hot:

Love ‘em! Who doesn’t? I have to admit as a older baby dyke (I came out only 2 years ago but I’m 30) I haven’t had the pleasure-pain of breaking up with a girl just for her to be my best friend a year later. I didn’t think that actually happened, really. I thought it was something that you saw on the L Word or read about in books like “Trace Elements of Random Tea Parties” until I met two of my girlfriend’s exes and it wasn’t pretty.

I blame the fact that I’m still in my lesbian adolescence. In the first year of our relationship she was the super sweet girl who’d laid a handful of girls who were still her friends and I was this new dyke with only two sexual trists under my belt. As a straight woman I hadn’t remained friends with any of my male exes and it seemed to me that these woman were still interested in my girl years later. In fact, I was quite certain that one ex in particular was and continued to be until she found herself another lady.

Then, I went to San Francisco to meet another best friend who I used to sleep with and that was the worse possible scenario ever. It was like we were male dogs pissing all over my girlfriend marking her as “ours” The fighting got so bad I almost flew back to NYC 5 days early to move out of our apartment. Don’t worry. It has a happy ending, we’re still together and that best friend and I…well, we’re still working that part out.

Thing is, I didn’t get to have that time when I was in college to sleep with a lot of girls that would become my friend after we’d licked our relationship wounds. The only two other girls I slept with before meeting the woman I’m with now I haven’t heard from and prefer to keep it that way. Sometimes my lady comments that she feels bad that we met when I was just coming out because I didn’t get the chance to be a foot-loose and fancy free horny lesbian in New York City. Honestly, sometimes I wish I’d met her this year instead of last year for the same reasons.

I have this friend who I have an ebb and flow crush on depending on how much we hang out. She’s totally my type; andro, creative, flirty, gives the best hugs and I’m sure we’d be amazing in bed together. If I’d met her before I met my girlfriend I’m absolutely positive I’d have the we had sex and now we’re friend relationship. Instead we have an innocent flirting with each other because we both love our partners relationship and it works.

She is, well she used to be until she found a special lady to settle down with, my token single friend I could visit the girl bars with. With her I could imagine what single lesbian life in Manhattan and Brooklyn was like and help her find a date all at the same time. She has been and still is my sounding board for my relationship. No matter how wonderful straight friends are-they don’t understand the complexities of a lesbian relationship. When my girlfriend and I were having issues around exes as friends all of my straight friends were useless in terms of helping me see through my blinding jealousy. My lesbian friends helped me see otherwise.

It’s taken a while to find a group of lesbian friends who aren’t connected to my relationship but the time has been worth it. Having my inherited friend group from my girlfriend is great but it’s also rewarding to find another group of lesbians all your own. So far, the lesbian friend/ ex drama has been limited to the first 5-9 months of our relationship and having our little lesbo covens to hide in has been great. Our Friend Drama is limited though, because no one-in either of my friend groups- are single. Now that it’s winter we’re all hibernating in our own little love nests. Hopefully by spring thaw I’ll see them all again and we can scratch up some good ole dyke drama.

Erika

http://ohiolezgirlinnyc.wordpress.com/