thelesbianlifestyle.com

So yesterday, I took my first little step towards accepting my sexuality. Brief history: I’ve identified bisexuality since I was twelve, although it took me a couple of years to get to grips with it. I have (very) recently realized that I’m gay. Here’s what happened – it’s nothing revolutionary, but it’s still something:

At work, about twice a year, employees have to fill out an anonymous survey about which section we work in, how we feel we are treated and what we think of the management. The final page also asks you to select your age band and your sexuality. I put my little ‘x’ in the box for LESBIAN. I couldn’t help but grin to myself after I’d done, to be honest. It’s kind of a big deal.

Ironically, I had a dream involving me being in a relationship with a guy – albeit a musician who I used to have a crush on, and one who is slightly more in touch with his feminine side. I’m one of those people who pays attention to their dreams; I like to analyze them and get messages. In my honest opinion, I truly believe that, whilst some dreams are just dreams, others are visions or messages. That’ll be a story for another day. But in my dream last night, I sensed a switch in myself. I remember thinking to myself “but I’m gay”. I also remember that I felt very close to this person, but it wasn’t a sexual boy-and-girl thing. It’s difficult to put into words, but it’s as if I’m slowly awakening to the person that I am. I’m beginning to discover who I am and what I want. For me? BIG deal.

I met a girl towards the end of last year when I was dating a guy, D2 (called D2 because another ex of mine’s name begins with ‘D’ aswell). We’ll call her J. Anyway, we were both drink and snuck in a kiss whilst at the pub. Naughty me, I know. D2 was a bit pissed off with J and got rid of her. Funny how things turn out, eh? We got talking because we both love The Doors and poetry.

I’ve just had my hair cut, too. Nice and short, with a sweeping fringe sort-of-thing. A little bit boyish. A bit dyke-ish. I love it and I’ve been receiving constant compliments for it, which is a relief! So my relationship status may about to change, my physical appearance certainly has. All I need to do now is tell my parents the bad news. And possibly explain to a couple of people (read: exes) how I’ve gone from shagging them to loving women. Oh, the joys of sexual orientation.