Name: sierra rain lucey
Age: 14
Location: South Carolina

QUESTION: my best friend and i are both bisexual and she knows that i like her as a girlfriend but every time i try to ask her out she gets really nervous and she cant stay focused so she quickly changes the subject to a ex girlfriend of hers or something like that. Why does she do that?

Read the TLL Advice Panelists answers after the jump…

Lori Hahn

Sierra,

At your age, you’re both figuring out the sexuality thing.  But, it appears to me that she is telling you in the nicest way possible that she is not interested in being romantically involved with you.  Hold onto the best friend – that is something that will be far less transitional than a romantic relationship.  Take the pressure off of her.  If it evolves, let it do so naturally.

Good luck!
Lori
Hahn at Home

Shanna Katz

Sierra -

It sounds like she’s a little nervous. Lots of people get nervous about relationships, dating, etc.  Perhaps it might help if you explained to her what “going out” looks like to you; does it mean seeing a movie? Going out to dinner? Holding hands in public?  Maybe she’s interested, but is unsure what will happen if she says yes, or maybe she isn’t interested in you in that way, and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. If you have trouble getting her to talk, try writing her a letter or email; sometimes it is easier to say it in writing.

Good luck!

Shanna
www.shannakatz.com

Dharma Kelleher

Dear Sierra,

That’s a good question. Unfortunately, the only person that might have the answer is her. She might be afraid of sabotaging a good friendship or maybe you’re not her type (which doesn’t have anything to do with why she likes you as a friend). If you really want to know why, ask her. She might not even be aware she does that.

Since she has done this a few times, perhaps you should ask out someone else. Keep in mind that making a relationship work (whether gay or straight) isn’t easy, especially for people your age. I’ve had my heart broken a few times and I’ve broken a few hearts in return. The best thing you can do is go out and have a good (and safe) time with people. Get to know people and, more importantly, get to know yourself.  Romance will happen when it’s ready. Trust the process.

Peace out,
Dharma Kelleher
http://www.dharmakelleher.com/

Tina-cious

Dear Sierra,

I would say that maybe she isn’t interested in a relationship with you but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings/doesn’t know how to just say that.

She knows how you feel now since you’ve told her.  The ball is in her court.  Don’t bring it up again.  Date other people.  Move on.  If she’s interested she’ll let you know that.

Good luck!
Truly,
Tina-cious

Kelly Leszczynski

To me her nerves acting up would mean that she feels the same way that you do, but she doesn’t know how to express it. I would keep on talking to her about the issue until she comes out and says she’s not interested. Evey one deals with there feelings differently. I wish I could tell you that nerves go away when you are older, but they don’t. But the way she deals with her feelings may. All you can truly do is be honest with yourself and with her. Keep an open conversation going about your feelings and hopefully she will be comfortable to talk about yours.

Remember, if it’s meant to be it will be,

Kelly
Brain Clouds

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