thelesbianlifestyle.com

I thought it was a numbers game…I was actually quite positive, but then I’m almost always sure I’m right…I can say “almost” now because here at the beginning of my fourth decade, I’m finally starting to outgrow the need to always be right. And, by the way, for the record, I was definitely wrong.

Oh, also, if you stick around, you’ll see that I contradict myself a lot, mostly or partly because I like to adhere to the old adage it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. And another thing, which you may have already noticed, I tend to digress a lot too and bitch about other people’s grammatical errors, which are rules I think shouldn’t apply to me…within reason.

Any way where was I? Oh yes, I thought it was a numbers game, “it” being online dating. I thought that if you met up with enough women for the non committal coffee date, that you were bound to meet someone you wanted to at least date, if not fall madly in love with and spend the rest of your lives together being the perfectly disgusting couple that everyone was jealous of ….whew….I do tend to daydream a tad too much. It’s something about being Aquarius with a bunch of other signs that mean something or other, all being up in the air. Any way I set out on my mission, I picked a random number, twenty-five, and through the many avenues of the cyber world I went out on all twenty-five coffee dates….and poof…nothing, not even any really good freaky stories. Well, there was one time when the woman I met up with was so whacky and negative and complaining that within ten minutes I went to the bathroom and had my best friend emergency call me so I could escape, but that was hardly exciting. I went out on all twenty-five, sometimes they were lunch dates, but usually just coffee. Some, in the beginning were preceded by a million fabulous emails, where I would be positive that they were “the one”. I soon discovered that many if not most people have great personalities in emails even if something is lacking in real life. Chemistry, contrary to one popular dating site of the same name is not something you can suss out on the internet. There was one, right in the middle, that I thought wasn’t terribly bad, I wasn’t really attracted to her, but on paper she was great, nice person, great job, kind of cute, didn’t seem psychotic, so I took her as my one and only second date to a dinner party at a good friends house where I proceeded to spend the evening trying to set her up with my best friend. Hey, I figured if she was a good catch somebody ought to have her. So that’s it, twenty-five meet and greets with the ladies of the web, at all kind of venues….one very trendy LA coffee shop even had a $12 cup of coffee. I have to say, being a Southern girl I often frown on the silliness that abounds here in LaLa land and I was quick to judge the ridiculousness of some bean juice that cost twelve bucks and was brewed up in a glass contraption that looked like it was right out of Dr. Jekyll’s lab…….but, I’m also a huge worshiper of good coffee, I get all warm and tingley just walking past Peet’s, and I’m unclear on whether or not there was some kind of mind altering substance in this coffee, apparently not enough to make me feign attraction to the woman I met up with, but, no really BUT, that was the best, crack smoking cup of coffee I’ve ever had in my life.

I’m thoroughly annoyed now every time I hear some happy couple say they met on line. I’m nice about it, I smile and say how great and all. I kind of mean it. I’m happy to see other people happy and in successful relationships, really, after all it’s what continues to feed my belief that one day I might be half of one of those happy couples. As pessimistic and sarcastic as I can be I am also an eternal romantic at heart and even here in my forties I still hold onto the belief that I might just meet “the one”. I just don’t think it will be on-line. But like a moth drawn to the flame I still cruise through those sites every once and awhile.

CL is the worst, the absolute worst, yet because it’s absolutely free and very anonymous I find it intriguing. The thing about CL that pisses me off is that people don’t follow the rules. Rules? you may ask. Yes, even Craig has some rules….okay, really they’re categories but I’m a bit of a rule kitten and if someone has set up categories then I feel, much like a rule, you should adhere to them. If you look at the personals section there is a category named casual encounters and if you click on it, it will further subdivide into W4W, so if you’re looking to just get a little action you can post there. But do they?….hmmmnnn…not so much. I know from reading these ads that it’s a lot to ask of people who are barely literate to understand that the regular W4W section is suppose to be the place for women to post who want to date, dating being the pre-event to the possibility of then forming a relationship. Yes, it’s insane to have any expectations from people who can’t even form a sentence and whom I assume probably don’t just use texting as a way to write their ads but probably speak this way too, a new trend that I find annoying as for example when my teenage stepson says to me, “So is she your BFF?”….at least he’s fourteen. So when I’m stuck here at home, and the house is finally clean, my six year old son is playing video, I don’t have a good book to read and so on and so forth I post on CL. Here is an example of my latest post.
101 Reasons You Will Never Find a Girlfriend On CL
1. Because you don’t want to be a “special friend” for a woman whose husband allows her to have “girlfriends” on the side
2. Because you aren’t interested in being “just for me and he only wants to watch or will just touch me….unless you want him to”
3. Because after the third ad that you clicked on had another shot of a labia you left CL and went to stream movies on HULU
4. Uh oh….now you’re getting even pickier….because while the occasional spelling error can be forgiven, the absolute, insanely ignorant lack of grammar made you groan and turn off the computer and open an old novel you’ve been meaning to read.
5. Because you believe the lol, u for you, c for see and other texting slang should be reserved for just that, if that, but for texting and you believe that “i” when referring to yourself ought to be capitalized.
6. Because the ignorant use of slang makes you not want to “just hit me up”
7. Because the word pussy is actually a big turn off when used by a stranger trying to pick you up
8. Because you were looking for a date that might include food or coffee, but got lost at the part that said disease free
9. Because, while you have nothing against bisexuality, you really wish this site was for lesbians, not bi’s or couples seeking a third….which, ironically, seems to be every third ad
10. Because someone describing themselves as a “classy lady” makes you laugh, roll your eyes and conjure up images of bleached, teased haired blondes with bright red lipstick
11. Because even if you were 420 friendly, it wouldn’t be so important to you that you needed to include it in your dating description…I’m sure your needs are all medical any way
12. Because you’re not “seeking your first time experience”
13. …….really 101 reasons….yea, I got bored at 12 and hopefully so did you, have a great day!

So here it is my first blog and I’m finally running out of gas, even before I managed to rant on about match.com…yes that and nerve.com were also two of the venues I used to achieve my twenty-five coffee dates…..wow all of this and I never even really explained the premise. The whole thing started with me running into couples who had met online and I thought, yes light bulb popping over my head, “Eureka! That’s it!” , if I really want to meet someone, then all I have to do is put myself out there among the other lesbians that are looking to be in a relationship. I figured it was a numbers game. If I met up with enough women who were looking for the same thing I was then one of them was bound to be a good match for me. I was wrong, or at the very least I wasn’t masochistic enough to pick a larger number than twenty-five. Well, for now it’s okay. I complain a little, but I don’t have the manic need to be in a relationship that I had in my twenties and early thirties. I have a great career, amazing friends, the kind that would help you move a body in the middle of the night no questions asked if the need ever arouse and I met a woman years ago, we had a baby together, she already had a son that she had adopted and while we were never really meant to be, I was lucky enough to have the family I always wanted. I have a good relationship with my ex, we seem to have the same values and co-parent really well together. We laugh and talk about the disastrous world of dating and well my life is whole without a partner……still would like one though, I just don’t feel like I’ll die if I don’t meet that special someone. Okay that’s it for now, thanks for letting me rant, hope you at least got a smile or two or the feeling that you’re not the only one walking around out there wanting a girlfriend.

All my best,

Belle