Name: Anonymous
Age: 22
Location: N/A

Question: How, as a straight women can I express my interests to a lesbian? I do have a boyfriend.

Read the TLL Advice Panelists answers after the jump…

Lori Hahn

Dear Anonymous,
You chose not to share part of your story, but the answer lies within that information.  My guess would be that since you are already involved elsewhere, she’s cooled off.  Momma always told me to finish what I start.  Start there.  If you want to pursue elsewhere, you have to be brave enough to let go of what you have.  It might pan out after that and it might not.  It’s a risk you have to decide to take.  We all start somewhere.  Good luck!
Lori
Hahn at Home

Shanna Katz

Out of the office

Shanna
www.shannakatz.com

Dharma Kelleher

Dear Anonymous,

It’s not uncommon at your age to have unexplored sexual attractions (such as being a lesbian or bisexual). That said, if you have a satisfying relationship with your boyfriend, why wreck a good thing? However, if your attraction to women or even a particular woman becomes an itch that you just have to scratch, end the relationship with your boyfriend. Don’t go messin’ around on him, whether it’s with a girl or a guy. Cheating isn’t cool.

If you do end the relationship with your boyfriend and find yourself attracted to a woman, get to know her first as a friend. See if the two of you have emotional and sexual chemistry. Be open and honest about who you are. Have fun and be safe!

Peace out,
Dharma Kelleher
http://www.dharmakelleher.com/

Tina-cious

Hi,

I think first and foremost, let’s address the fact that you have labeled yourself as “straight”.    Straight women, by definition, aren’t attracted to other women.  So, that brings me to my next question:

Are you truly interested in this woman because you think you may be bi or bi-curious?  Or are you interested in this woman because you are bored with your boyfriend and she showed some sign of interest that may or may not have been your imagination?

I’m not asking that to be mean… however, I’ve seen wayyyyy too many of my lesbian sisters get their hearts ripped out by bored housewives who thought “hey, I think I’lll fuck a woman since my man is not paying enough attention/screwing me right/etc.”

I think before you do/say anything to her in an effort to explore some sort of intimate relationship, you need to first figure yourself out.   Not to mention, if you have a boyfriend, what’s your plan for him?  Do you plan to break up with him?  Invite him to join?  Cheat on him? What?

I’m not judging here… I’m just saying there’s more to this particular situation than just how to get her to know you’re attracted to her.

Maybe she’d be up for no-strings-attached sex… you never know… maybe in some random conversation you can bring up one-night-stands and see how she feels about them… but, honestly, I would strongly suggest you don’t start something you can’t finish.

Tina-cious

Kelly Leszczynski

Break up with your boyfriend. Then peruse her like you would anyone else. Get to know her, ask her out, tell her about your feelings. Most importantly, be honest with yourself and those you care about.

Kelly
Brain Clouds

Do you have advice you would like to give? Be sure to leave your thoughts in the comments section of this post.

Do you have a question you would like to pose to The Lesbian Lifestyle Advice Panelists? Find out more about the panelists and submit your question here.

* Please note that this advice should by no means be used as an actual diagnosis or therapy session. All of the panelists will be giving you their views from their own life experiences. If you have any further inquires please send them here.