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I realized that I haven’t reviewed any realistic dildos. There has been a reason for this. As a young adult, they bothered me. My first experience with realistic dildos was sadly not with anything close to the quality of Vixen dildos, but it was still too much for me to handle at the time. I wanted dildos that didn’t look like like an actual penis. I preferred them sparkly and colorful. I knew everyone did not feel that way — my partner at the time, for example. Now, though, I’ve sort of come around to the idea of realistic dildos. I still like dildos in wild colors, but I find myself wanting one that looks like it could be a part of my body. And for this, I looked to Vixen.

Vixen makes great dildos. They make some of the greatest dildos ever, especially if you’re looking for something realistic for penetrative sex, or for packing. Vixen has created their own special material that is completely, 100% body safe silicone and very realistic feeling (no silicone lube, boil to clean, same deal as regular silicone). With a firm inner core and a soft exterior, VixSkin dildos feel more realistic than any other dildo. That said, it’s not quite 100% realistic, because the VixSkin is kind of… not tacky or sticky, but grabby. It’s not like rubbing your hand over your arm or some other actual skin, it’s siliconey to the touch and requires lube to get any kind of “slide” going. What I like is that because of the inner core, you don’t lose usability for the realism. It’s still firm enough to maneuver against the g-spot and won’t flop around uselessly.

The VixSkin Johnny (which is what I reviewed) is 7 inches long and 1 and 13/16 inch in diameter. In laymen terms, that means it’s about average in length (probably longer than average) and quite girthy. There are only a few other Vixen dildos wider, and you’ll see a review of the widest one later in the week. Johnny has balls, which may turn some of you right off, and also has a slight upward curve which equalizes when it’s strapped on. What I mean is that because it curves up when sitting on a desk, the gravity doesn’t pull it so it’s pointing down at the ground when you strap it on; it juts out horizontally. This is good because when you’re going to use it, it’s easier to aim where you want it to go.

So you’re sold on Vixen’s VixSkin but you don’t like Johnny? That’s fine. He’s not offended.

There are plenty of VixSkin dildos in the sea. Let me help you sort through them, okay? First, let’s look at all the VixSkin dildos with balls, and their comparative sizes, from longest to shortest.

• Outlaw, 8-1/2″ x 2″
• Johnny, 7″ x 1-13/16″ (just to show you where he lands in the lineup)
• Bandit, 7″ x 1-5/8″
• Lonestar, 6″ x 1-7/8″
• Goodfella, shaft size: 5″ x 1-1/2″, ball size: 2-3/4″ x 1-3/4″ x 3/4″

And their unballed friends:

• Maverick, 7″x2″ (from what I can tell, Billy Castro‘s cock of choice)
• Raquel, 7″ x 1-1/2″ (not flesh toned)
• Mustang, 6-1/2″ x 1-1/2″
• Randy, 6″ x 2-3/16″
• Buck, 6″ x 2″
• Tex, 5″  x 1-13/16″
• Spur, 4-3/4″ x 1-1/4″

“I want to buy a Vixen dildo. What harness does it need?”

I’m glad you asked. Harness choice goes according to dildo width and harness o-ring size. You just need to match the two. For example, a 1.5″ o-ring won’t fit any of these dildos (except Spur and Raquel). For the ones with 2″ and nearly 2″ of girth, you need a harness with an o-ring that measures 2″.

Jiz Lee blogged a little while back about harnesses that fit the Outlaw, the behemoth balled dildo of Vixen. More than just the girth, you need to consider the balls, which I found to be true. They’ll shift side to side, according to Jiz, in a g-string style harness, so Jiz suggests a 2-strap style. I don’t have any g-string styles, so I can’t offer feedback about the woes of ball flop. Other ballsack considerations include sheer size (I had issues with this). Balls on dildos are bigger than the average flared base. Most harnesses have snaps on the front so you can get the dildo’s base (or balls) between the driver’s pad (the leather panel) and the o-ring, but often times balls get in the way of that. To see cures for the modern dildo, read below.

(All of my suggestions are ideas that Jiz also endorses. You can read more suggestions over at Jiz’s blog after you check out my top 3 ideas below.)

• Spareparts Joque Harness – Number one for comfort for all sizes. Works because o-ring is STRETCHY and balls fit in the little pouch.
• Aslan’s Jaguar Style Harness – Exceedingly soft leathers in a range of waist sizes! Works because there’s a hole cut in the driver’s pad and dildos can rest with the base against your body, rather than between the o-ring and the driver’s pad (more about this style coming soon to TLL!).
• Aslan’s Commando Harness – I have not tried this, but the open back/no driver’s pad means the Outlaw, Johnny, etc., will fit nicely.