Name: Cassie
Age: 25
Location: NC

Question: My girlfriend and I have been a “thing” for just over a year and a half. about 2 months ago, we decided to be exclusive and moved in together. Things are amazing. Everything is great except one thing….she rarely achieves orgasm. She says it’ll be “right there” and then “just goes away”. Everything she does to me is absolutely incredible, but this issue makes me insecure and nervous when it comes to touching or pleasing her. She says that its not me and she loves when I touch her and everything I do and I have nothing to be nervous about. But that’s as far as the conversation ever goes and I’m not sure what to do.

Read the TLL Advice Panelists answers after the jump…

Lori Hahn

Cassie,

It’s not you.  The female orgasm is an incredibly complex thing – it’s that subtle mind-body connection that have to be totally in tune with some women.  Can she reach orgasm when masturbating?  Did she have any trouble before you moved in together?  You aren’t responsible for her achieving orgasm and if you are feeling you are, it’s putting way too much pressure on both of you.  Don’t just hear her words, but listen to her.  Let her relax without having to worry about your ego in the equation and then, as she gets more comfortable, have her show you what pleases her and let her do it herself.  Also, don’t rule out the use of toys – seriously, it’s never an indictment on your skill and can enhance things if you’re both open to it.

Good luck!
Lori
Hahn at Home

Shanna Katz

Out of the office

Shanna
www.shannakatz.com

Dharma Kelleher

Dear Cassie,

I’m not a sex therapist, but as a woman, it has been my experience that orgasms are funny things. Sometimes they happen. Sometimes they don’t. And there are so many factors that can get in the way. Being tired. Worrying about something at work. Unreasonable expectations. Emotional baggage. Orgasms are wonderful, but relationships aren’t dependent on them.

Sex isn’t a sport. You don’t score points for orgasms. Sex is playtime. It’s a physically pleasureable expression of affection and love. Have fun with it. Try different things. Different places (don’t get yourself arrested). Different times of day. Different techniques. Different toys. Not with the sole purpose of bringing your girlfriend to orgasm, but for the purpose of giving her pleasure. Focus on the love. Have fun. Lose yourself in the passion. Trust the process.

Peace out,
Dharma Kelleher
http://www.dharmakelleher.com/

Tina-cious

Out of the office

Tina-cious

Kelly Leszczynski

Cassie,

If she says it’s not you please trust her. If you don’t that could cause insecurity issues and make things worse instead of better. There could be several reasons your girl friend can’t reach orgasm, and I’m sure it’s frustrating to know she’s right there, but can’t climax for whatever reason.

My best advise would be to try new things and constantly talk to one another during intercourse. As her what she likes. Tell her to show you and progress to a possible orgasm together.

As we all know, the mind plays a huge role in sex with women. Both of you need to use yours to figure out the road to the promise land!

Kelly
Brain Clouds

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