thelesbianlifestyle.com

Do soul mates really exist? Where has mine been hiding? Does love even really exist? The kind of love we see in movies, the kind that is supposed to be true and sustain a relationship for a lifetime.
I have decided not. I have loved; I have given my all and been brutally destroyed, crushed, lied to and victimized. I have been loved and not felt the same in return and destroyed others. And the one that haunts my dreams, my heart so badly is one I loved, who loved me in return, but my fear of myself kept us apart. It is too late for us to ever have a chance.

I have been waiting and waiting to meet that very special someone. . . a beautiful, brilliant mind. A lover of books, of nature and kindness. Someone that does not find it strange that I have Tori Amos, Elton John, Korn, NOFX, Mozart and The Nada’s all in the same CD changer. A person that will not cringe when I spread peanut butter on my bologna sandwich. Where is this person? The one that will look into my heart, my soul, the depths of my eyes and see the powerful phoenix inside?

The rational parts of my mind have lead me to believe that all this “true love” talk is just a sham, a way to sell movie tickets, and sleazy novels. Does someone honestly exist that finds me as sexy in a pair of sweats as a skin tight, slinky dress? Can anyone see beauty in my faults and strangeness? Where is the one that will find comfort in the fact that I don’t fit into a box of any kind, I meet no stereo-type to a tee.

I am me! I am all that I can be. I am a prude and a slut, a goddess and a peasant, straight-laced and oh, so naughty. My mind resides in the gutter, yet I can see the purest beauty of the world all around me. I seek to find the good in every soul, yet have found the devil in those I have trusted the most. I can bounce off the silver lining of clouds on my way to hole up and hermit-ize myself in a cave of sadness.

Where is the one for me? Is her soul hiding behind an outgoing, flirty smile. . . or maybe across the sea our paths yet to cross? Or is my rational side correct? No such person exists; the only one I’ll ever know that loves all there is to love about me, is me.