2010
She Loves Me Not
She was my family. My everything. My world revolved around her. We used to be happy. Of that I am certain. I don’t know when it was that I became dispensable. I don’t quite know when, or even why, it ended.
Sometimes I miss her terribly. Well, I miss what we had. I had thought it would last forever. I was wrong. Or maybe, forever just isn’t as long as one hopes.
Sometimes when her name comes up, I find myself smiling inwardly at what an idiot she was. To have let go of what we had.
She’s one phone call away. But I don’t think I’ll be making that call anytime soon, if ever. I know we’re great friends. It’s just, I don’t want to be friends with her. I don’t want to be anything with her, really. Too much baggage, I think.
Truth is, at some level, I just don’t want to know what’s up with her. I mean, what if she’s found someone. I sure as hell don’t have the stomach for that particular turn of events. It makes me sick just imagining the possibility of it.
Do I sound confused? Sure I do. I just changed the shape my life was taking. I just walked out on what I had thought the rest of my life would be.
[P.S. I wrote this about six months back. I don't know why I didn't publish it then. I don't know why I am now.]
