2010
He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Girlfriend’s Brother
Finally, after years of assuming I would be single for the rest of my life and nightmares about multiple cat ownership and learning how to knit I met the woman of my dreams! She is beautiful, funny, we have so much in common, and all of that makes up for the fact that on occasion she thinks she knows everything. Then we hit a bump in the road. A bump that I was unsure of and had never experienced before.
Her older brother disapproved of her sexuality and our relationship. It broke her heart, and seeing her hurt broke mine. She is very close with her brother, much like I am with mine. I am thankful every day that my family and friends accepted me for who I am. I came out over 10 years ago and it’s not even much a topic of conversation anymore. But receiving all around approval gave me nothing to compare this too. I have heard stories of family disowning daughters, sons, sisters and brothers, but I never had to deal with it on a personal level and was left feeling entirely hopeless.
Just over a week ago my girlfriend sent her brother an email. She works with him so it isn’t like they can avoid one another. She poured her heart out and begged him to accept her, us, and our love. Instead of writing her back he went to their parents. This lead to a phone call with her Mom and Dad and her feeling like no one was on her side and everyone wanted her to respect his opinion, but not hers. Her brother told her parents he didn’t agree with her lifestyle and he was embarrasses by it. Like me, she is close with her family, so her brother not wanting anything to do with our relationship lead to problems instantly.
We wanted to go up north to her parents place for Memorial Day weekend, but feared he would be there and didn’t want things to be awkward so we declined. Although her Mom was very vocal about me being welcome in her house, I have to admit that I was terrified of the confrontation with her brother. I’ve never met someone knowing that they didn’t care for me before they even met me. It hurt my girlfriend that I wouldn’t stand by her, but it was all to much for me.
This past Wednesday she called me and we began talking about her brother. Hearing her cry was tearing me to pieces inside. She brought up what it would be like without him around if we get married or ever have kids. She spoke of how hurt she would be not to have him there and all I could do was say I was sorry.
Friday night rolled around and we were getting the house ready for company. When we were finished we sat out on the back patio enjoying the warm weather. That’s when it happened. She got a text from her brother asking what her plans were for the holiday weekend. Still upset that he never returned her email she told him her plans and stated that she would come over, but he probably wouldn’t want her to because she would be with me. 30 minutes later she got a text back saying that he would be at the bar down the street from his house and if we wanted to meet him and his wife up there we could. I wish all of you could have seen her face. She had a smile from ear to ear that warmed my heart. Within a few days her brother went from NEVER to MAYBE and this was our chance.
We hurried up, got ready, and were on the road in a matter of minutes. I was nervous, but so excited for her. We walked into the bar and sat next to them on the bar stools. He shook my hand and his wife said hello. He and my girlfriend began to talk about work, as she always does, and it was like nothing ever happened. We were there for almost 3 hours and as each moment went by I knew that everything was going to be okay. It went so well in fact that we ended up going out to dinner with them the next day.
I wanted to share this story as hope for those of you that have had a similar experience. I have never been able to wrap my brain around someone disowning someone they love because of who they love. As I take a step back I’m sure there are different variables to each story. Some may have religious reasons, others my feel that way due to lack of exposure, and for some not accepting those that are different than them may be all they know.
I am so happy they he loves his sister enough to tolerate/accept/learn about our relationship. It has taken a tremendous weight off of both of our shoulders. It has also proven to me, once again, that love can conquer all. With all my heart I know that she and I will be together forever. This would have happened with or without her brother’s approval, but it’s even more magical now that he’s a part of it.
