Name: Hayley
Age: 18
Location: Tennessee

QUESTION:

Ok this is kinda long so bare with me. I have a crush on this girl that I work with. Ive liked her for about 4 months now and she is aware of this. Problem is she has a gf. Now normally if I liked a girl with a gf I’d be like fuck this and move on unfortunately this is different. When this girl first found out I liked her from one of my friends she apparently smiled really big and blushed and then texted me that night and was like I know that you like me and we talked for like hours and it wasn’t awkward at all. Keep in mind she still had a gf when she found out. Then we started talking more and flirting more then her gf found out about me and deleted my number out of her phone and forbid her to talk to me so for almost a month me and her didn’t really talk. Then one day she walks up to me and is like do you hate me?And I tell her no and then she asks me to go to her car to talk. Well while we’re in her car she tells me that she likes me. Then she goes I feel like i’m missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime by not going out with you but I feel like with how stuff is with my gf I’m not right for you right now. So I’m like alright well I just want you to be happy and I ask her if she wants me to back off and move on and she goes no that’d hurt to much to see you with someone else. Then she tells me that she’d cheat on her gf with me cause she’s not in love anymore. Like her and her gf were best friends before they started dating so that complicates her breaking things off plus she hates hurting people. So then she asks me if we could start talking behind her gfs back which is really shady but I agreed cause I really like her. Well we do that for maybe like a week then things turn weird and we don’t talk for about 2weeks.Then I see her the other day at work and I go get your ass over here and ring me up and she”s like your just checkin my ass out and winks at me. So I’m like…alright wtf are we back to flirting again. Now at the moment we don’t text and I see her like once a week cause I have two jobs and I only work with her once a week and when we see each other its like she’s friendly but she’s not like how she used to be…I’m just soooo confused on what to do.I have people telling me to move the fuck on then people telling me to fight for her and I want to talk to her again but her gf doesn’t like us hanging out so we can’t do that and I hardly see her at work and we never text anymore..Idk its just so complicated cause I’ve never felt so strongly towards a girl ever. Like I’m boarder line falling in love with her…ok sorry that was long but I’m stressing.

Read the TLL Advice Panelists answers after the jump…

Lori Hahn

Out of the office

Lori
Our Big Gayborhood

Shanna Katz

Out of the office

Shanna
www.shannakatz.com

Dharma Kelleher

Dear Hayley,

There are a few rules that I’ve followed over the years that have served me well.

1. Never flirt with any woman who could be straight.
2. Never date anyone at work. EVER. Most workplace relationships end within a year, many within a few months. When that happens, you end up with an uncomfortable working relationship or someone must find a new job.
3. Never flirt with anyone already in a relationship. If they cheat on their girlfriend with you, odds are they will eventually cheat on you with someone else.

My advice is to forget this girl and move on with your life. You deserve better.

Peace out,
Dharma Kelleher
http://www.dharmakelleher.com/

Tina-cious

Dear Hayley,

I think you already know the answer.

Move on.  If her relationship is “dead” then she needs to bury it already… because if she thinks cheating her on girl or going behind her back isn’t going to hurt her, she’s got another thing coming.

Obviously she’s interested, if she truly thinks you’re a “once in a lifetime”, she’ll end her current relationship to be with you.

Otherwise, she just seems to want to eat her cake and have it too.

Don’t set yourself up to play the fool.

Do not flirt with her, text her, have any private conversations or meetups until she’s properly single.

Put yourself in the girlfriend’s place — would you want that to be you?  Moving along through life thinking everything is jim dandy meanwhile your girl is living some kind double-life?

Believe me, the alternative is much worse.

I say date other people until she is free to pursue — if that ever happens.

Good luck,

Tina-cious

Kelly Leszczynski

Hayley,

I’m all for the possibilities of love, no matter how we find it. However sometimes it’s just not the right time. This girl needs to figure things out. If she is unhappy with her girlfriend then she needs to find the courage to leave. Cheating, on any level, is never the answer. Does it happen? Hell yes… but that doesn’t make it right.

If you are so amazing what is holding this girl back from leaving her girlfriend and being with you? If they were best friends then they should want the best for one another.

Cheating can be fun, mysterious, and addicting. But it can also be hurtful and painful for those involved. I would let her know that you are interested in her, but only if and when she is free and clear of any other relationships. If her girlfriend has control over her, only she can fix that. Your job is simply to sit back and wait to see if things are meant to be. Letting go, even to a little bit of hope is hard, but I promise you it’s for the best.

Kelly
Brain Clouds

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