thelesbianlifestyle.com

WOW!!! I am not offended by anything you wrote. I am actually quite impressed that you wrote this!!! I say that because when I was in college and dealing with coming out I had those same feelings. I didn’t want to be gay and I felt scared and nauseous all the time too. I never really talked to anyone about my feelings, I finally met someone and decided to throw caution into the wind and give it a go. I have never looked back since and I have never been so happy!!!

As far as still wanting the attention from guys I can completely relate to this too. I like to refer to myself as a new-age lesbian because I prefer to be with women, but every once in a while I get an itch and jump the fence. I felt like if I referred to myself as a lesbian and continued to behave the way I do, then somehow I was not being a good lesbian. I have since discovered it’s the stigma of the label of calling yourself a lesbian that is causing so much anguish. So, I created my own label.

The bottom line is you have to do what feels right and if being with girls feels right then don’t deny yourself that experience. But that does not mean you have to completely shut yourself off from men. I don’t necessarily want to sleep with men, but there are certain things about them that I absolutely adore. Anyway, you’re young and this is the time of your life for you to go out and explore and find yourself. Don’t let anyone else define you.

I am a lezbian. I don’t date sex fantasize about men. I am not sexually attracted to men. I am only sexually attracted to women when I am sexually attracted to someone. And since I don’t own the word lesbian” I am a lezbian because some women say they are lesbians but sex men.

Women who are bisexual are sexually attracted to men and women. Some bi-women don’t like the word bi-sexual and want to be included in the lesbian community so instead of coming up with a word or phrase for bisexual women they say they are lesbians with some attachment that just requires further explanation. The women who say they are “lesbians” but sex men just give credibility to what many heterosexuals say about lesbians – that lesbians can go for a while without a man but will eventually want sex with a man as in the movie The Kids Are All Right.

You sound bisexual to me so you don’t have to date or sex women. Some bisexual women only date and sex men. Some lesbians only date and sex men because they are too scared to go against the “norm”. You are an adult, so you can date sex marry who you want to. Women can label themselves whatever they want to but to my lezbian mind, a woman who is sexually attracted to men and women are bisexual.

I somehow can relate to your story. I had started dating boys since I was 15 and now I’m 22. I had 7 boyfriends but I wasn’t really deeply attached to anyone of them. Before, I thought that I have some kind of an emotional disorder, that I’m not capable of loving someone deeply but only to find out that I am more fascinated with women. During my childhood, I had this lesbian potentials but I ignored it because it felt so normal. I thought it was just brought up by growing up but during my teenage life, the cravings for same sex heightened up. I was scared that people won’t accept me for being gay so I tried to control it and started dating men. But any of my relationship didn’t work. Today, most of my friends are gay. They are the only ones who know about my orientation. I’m still saving enough courage to out myself totally. Some would say that I’m just having an identity crisis but for me, I’m not. You only have crisis if your in dilemma about which sex to prefer. I still like men. For me. I don’t have to choose between the two sexes. I can go both ways. I don’t find any wrongs about being bisexual.So,if your confuse….try both. =)

Hi,
I’m not sure if this is relevant exactly, but I think it might give a different perspective on things here.
I am a born male, old enough to remember when homosexual, gay and lesbian were dirty words, when men were men and women were women – things were simpler then, but more messed up – you either conformed or took the chance to come out and face the consequences (poofta- and leso- bashings, ostracisation, job-loss, made to feel like a leper, etc.)
For me, I always knew I was a bit different, even thought maybe I was gay – I tried it once – yeech, total turnoff, total limp dick, and emotionally, nada.
And ‘though I’ve had a few girlfriends (women over 18 – to me they’re “girlfriends”, two serious, long term – over 3 years), I’ve always felt like I had to act more “masculine” than I actually am, to pretend to be what I’m expected to be, by my family, men friends (that competitive thing), but especially so by my “girlfriend”. It’s tiring to do that, a real strain, and eventually she sort of senses that I’m not what she wants.
You see, I’m a bit too sensitive, I like to cuddle & kiss, watching old romantic movies, I cry for emotional stuff, and I really like licking a woman, you know…
But I came into contact with a lesbian couple, friends of my then “girlfriend”, (she wasn’t into women, she went to school with one of them), they called themselves “militant lesbians”, they had a special term for it that I’ve forgotten now, but they used to make me wait on the street, I wasn’t even allowed in the gate! Over time, they gradually softened and would allow me to wait on the verandah (when I provided transport for my gf), and eventually, as I did so patiently and without harassment, offered me a coffee & let me inside the house. We got to know each other for some time, as it meant that they got to see my gf more often, and we became comfortable with each other.
Then my gf and I had a fight and split up, and I needed to move out, so I was looking for somewhere quickly, at least until I found something else, and as it turned out, their flatmate had run off without notice, owing rent, and they were desperate, so I was allowed to move in. They did warn me that they’d “castrate me & cut my dick off” if I entered their room or peeked through the keyhole or otherwise sexually harassed them. Understood! No problem! (Not that it entered my mind anyway.)
Well, that was quite an eye opener. I got along with them better than any women I’d ever known. Walking down the street picking out women for each other on the way to 7-11 with one of them, I realised that I didn’t have to pretend, I could just be me. I really regretted when they decided to move to a smaller place – I was really enjoying it, but I think the skinny one was a bit jealous of how friendly her partner (the larger, butch one)and I had gotten, and it may have had something to do with the decision.
Now, I’m a bit longwinded, I know, but I often thought about that afterwards.
After several more girlfriends, all failed, I’ve finally come to realise something about myself – I’m fairly certain I’m a lesbian.
Yeah, I know that’s a bit of a cliche, even a common joke among men, but the truth is that there’s a difference between a Hetero-Sexual women and a Lesbian women, and it’s more than just what type of sexual bits you want to play with, or what you find visually stimulating.
I had accepted that I was a lesbian in a mans body quite some time ago, but as I’m a very manly looking man, and I’m definitely a butch lesbian, I figured that either way I’m attracted to women, I get to lick pussy, and I’m not going to be all girly anyway, what’s the difference between being a butch lesbian and a man, and the answer was about 6 inches.
But after yet another failed relationship with a hetero woman, I realise that she may say that she’s looking for an affectionate, sensitive man, but she needs (sub-consciously I think) a manly man, someone who is a bit rough, a bit tough, a bit cruel, someone who’ll take charge and tell her what’s what and what to do even if it’s not what she wants. The hunter-provider, the protector.
And although I can pretend all those things, and I’m a capable hunter & protector,it’s just not me.
But, like it or not, there are still some definite advantages to being a man, and a sex-change is a long, arduous, and expensive journey, especially for a man with (measured young & skinny) 20″/500mm shoulders (I don’t know anyone wider)- I’d make for an ugly women that looks like a man. And there’s the emotional, social and work upheaval involved too – is it worth going through all that, at this stage in my life, for a half-assed result??
But I’d love to find someone to love, that I can just be me with.
I believe that being a lesbian is about how you think, what you think and feel, how you’re “wired” so to speak. A lesbian mind is different, even a bi-sexual mind, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but different.
But then, who am I to tell you, genetically born women attracted to women, or maybe not. The problem is that relationships are difficult, and a personal, intimate, and sexual relationship is THE most difficult of all, but also the most necessary – life really sucks without it, alone and lonely – and hetero men and women have all kinds of trouble with it – just look at the divorce rates, and they’re supposedly “normal” and accepted. It goes without saying that anything outside the accepted ‘norm’ will be harder, both within yourself, and with interacting with another. We are all complex individuals, with individual likes and dislikes, and the less conformist we are, the more divergent these differences are likely to be. The key, I think, is to focus on our similarities, and love each other as much as we can, so that we can tolerate the differences.
Maybe what I need is a lesbian, who is just a little bi, I don’t know. It’s why I find myself on this site in the first place, trying to figure out if a sex-change lesbian will be accepted as a lesbian or not, or would I be more acceptable to the lesbian community if I just removed the offending bits, and just licked, a butch lesbian in a nullified mans body, and possibly grow some breasts later (already have manboobs-sortof).
The nullification has the advantage that it’s a sex-change away from manhood, without looking half-assed, it’s cheaper, plus I don’t need to endure the social upheaval as I still look like a man, those that don’t need to know don’t, only those I choose to know know.
The sex isn’t that important to me, I just want someone to love, to have and to hold, to kiss and to hug, to share and to care, please and pleasure.
I’d appreciate your comments on this.