2010
TLL Q & A Advice Panel Installment #76
Name: Marce
Age: 28
Location: Hull, UKQUESTION:
I am feeling absolutely lonely. I am gay, but still in the closet. I always knew I was gay, but it was clear two years ago when I met this amazing girl. For the following one and a half years we had a roller-coaster relationship that opened my mind, my heart, and relieved me from all my doubts. But she is gone now, I am in completely strange city ( I am only studying here, this is not even my country), and I don’t know the LGBT community of the place where I am living. I am confused, feeling more gay than ever, and having no idea how to continue this process. Please can you show me the light? Can you give me some tips of what should I be doing to meet girls, and to get involved in the lgbt community… every day that passes I feel more ready to come out… but in the same time… more scared I am to face the world.
Read the TLL Advice Panelists answers after the jump…
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Lori Hahn
Lori Hahn
Dear Marce,
Coming out doesn’t have to be a lonely experience, but it can be very scary. Many of us are afraid of the unknown. And, a lot of us start our coming out process with a lot of internalized homophobia. And, though we all like comfort and security, it isn’t working for you anymore because it isn’t allowing you to be authentic in your daily life. It takes a brave step to go where you want to head.
I know your area and know how conservative it can be. But, there are safe places for queers to gather and how lucky can you get? You have an active LGBT group within a few miles of you. Looks like they could use a dedicated volunteer or two and a phone call may be all it takes to get you started. That’s a great way to get involved in the community and meet people without hanging out at a bar. The university right in your town also has an active LGBT Society and there is a very good chance you will find people just like you.
Good luck and let us know how it goes!
Lori
Our Big Gayborhood
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Shanna Katz
Shanna Katz
Marce-
That’s really hard. I’ve actually totally been there. I came out in the US, and then a little bit later, moved to Germany to study. I learned the word for lesbian and gay in German, but it didn’t do me much good. I felt completely alienated while I was there.
Some suggestions. Firstly, use the internet. At the very least, reach out to a general internet community to meet people (bloggers love chatting with their readers, twitter is like a big chat room). More over, perhaps you can use the internet to find other LGBTQ people near you. And secondly, find the community near you. How? Use the internet, use the local college/university (most have some kind of LGBTQ group), use the community center, etc. Don’t focus solely on meeting a woman to date…rather, form your own community, get to be yourself, and if you wind up meeting someone, then great.
Good luck,
Shanna
www.shannakatz.com
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Dharma Kelleher
Dharma Kelleher
Dear Marce,
Coming out is an exciting time. I grew up in a small town in the southeastern part of the United States, a very conservative town. One thing that I found is that even in such places, there are ways to connect with others, especially these days.
Often there are support groups and community centers in town. A quick search of the internet will often provide us with this information. Additionally, there are a lot of great online communities including TLL.
I managed to find http://www.lgbtforum.co.uk/ which is a support group that describes itself as “a voice and representative body for lesbian, gay, bisexual & trans (LGBT) people in Hull & East Riding.” Looks like meetings are held 7pm the second Wednesday of every month at:
Guildhall
Alfred Gelder Street
Hull
HU1 2AA
Wherever you go, keep reaching out to find the nearest community center or support groups. Build relationships on Facebook, on blogs and other social networks. Trust the process.
Peace out,
Dharma Kelleher
http://www.dharmakelleher.com/
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Tina-cious
Tina-cious
Out of the office
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Kelly Leszczynski
Kelly Leszczynski
Marce,
Think of the internet as your tool to find friends. Look up community center, bars, groups, ect in your area. All you really need to do is meet one or two lesbian woman and I assure you they will lead to others.
Be brave. Remember that putting yourself out there can be scary, but it will be well worth it in the end.
Kelly
Brain Clouds
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Shanna is right about bloggers liking to talk to people who read our blog. Yelp, I’m a blogger and I do like when people not only visit but comment. And I’ve commented at other blogs. I’ve been a lesbian forever but I live where there is no LGBT community so it’s nice to talk to women who love women and to read different experiences.
Get an on-line girfriend so that you will feel less lonely. You will have someone to talk to and flirt with. I know, it sounds strange and I didn’t think a real connection could be made via computer, but hey, I was seduced and it was fun. I wasn’t lonely and I wasn’t looking for someone but met a woman on-line and we had fun for a while. If you are only interested in having fun but don’t want to get too attached then let the woman know from the beginning that you are not interested in meeting her. But who knows how things will develope? You will at least get use to talking to a woman on a romantic level. Don’t give out too much personal information but you can talk to a woman and get to know each other.
And you can have on-line friends. I have a best web-friend and we talked every day. And I’ve made friends with other women. The correspondence don’t always last but it gives you the chance to meet different people.
Via Computer is actually a title to a poem I wrote about my on-line romance. Well, she wanted me to write something about her and me. She said she liked it so I asked her if I could post it and she said yes.
I inspired her also and she gave me permission to post them. So if you visit my blog be sure to read Dream of Me and Welcome to the Real World both found at the sidebar under Guest Authors. Via Computer can be found under POETRY 1 at the sidebar.
My blog contain adult content but you are old enough so if you are not offended by such material then please stop by and read and say hi.