2010
Guest Post: Indian Society cannot help US
It started when i was a kid, I never felt the love of my parents. My mom was married to dad when she was 19 and dad 29 that’s what happens in India-The ideal relationship is when the age gap is like a fucking 100 years 
There were of course differences in lifestyles which invited arguments and fights- VICTIM??? The first child-ME. I wanted to break free of the beatings, scoldings, i was feeling victimized.
I was sent to Kota (Rajasthan) for junior college and IIT preparations. This was the place where i met HER. We just came across each other and the very first look that she gave was like a bullet through my chest, and i was drawn instantly to her- by chance she was also from the same city as i was. i thought what could be great, we decided to live together. Then there was no looking back.
i very well remember the rainy night when i was strolling my fingers in her hair when i felt the current in my nerves getting higher and i don’t know what prompted me to kiss her, we kissed and kissed and rolled between the sheets, the first time i ever made love to someone- the most beautiful night. I had felt a girl for the first time and i realized love.
Our relationship grew strong like a rock, meanwhile i didn’t understand what was happening to me- i had become super possessive for her, i was losing connection with parents, my kins, everyone, and wasn’t performing in studies etc. She was there always by my side. We did our engineering together, had fun. During engineering i realized one of my cousins, who i considered a good friend, knew about this secret affair of mine and was falling for my girl.
Anyway, we are living in Mumbai right now, its been quite some time now that we have separated, this girl, me and my cousin at different locations, all 3 working and earning good packages. She’s going to marry him in some time I just don’t know when did he fall for her, proposed her and she agreed. On asking i was told- SOCIETY WILL NOT ALLOW ME TO MARRY U, i don’t want to be a cast out!.
I wonder what kind of love was mine. I still fanaticise about her when i think of her i feel weak in the knees. I can’t feel anything for men rather i don’t want to. It’s not because WE WOMEN are the supreme beings on earth but because i still feel the void of our separation. How Indian society prompts us to take decisions against our own will. We in India live in cages, hide in dens, as girls we cannot take our decisions for marriage. Being a girl Love with a girl is TABOO… we categorize love as-GAY, LESBIAN, NORMAL, BI what not, we just can’t stand tall for our love.
The worst part is we settle down our urges by reading about successful gay couples like Ellen-portia, Lindsay-samantha etc. I feel like a loser, the love of my life is gone marrying my own cousin just because parents and the society in India considers ideal marriage is settlement for a guy who earns well, has average looks and who can raise a family. And this cousin qualified for my girls parents. Very soon i will have to attend a family wedding where the beautiful bride to be will be my LOVE only the two of us know. I will have to be happy and celebrate as my great cousin will be marrying. Ha-ha.. How ironical? I’ve never felt that attraction for anyone. I feel betrayed, when i hear from people that the 2 of them are happy, she doesn’t take my calls, my messages are not replied. I feel a big hole inside my which remains unfilled.
I really want to know is there a silver lining or is it just the timing? Don’t i deserve love? Memories, linger around quietly. Can’t the society accept us as we are? Feel like a puppy sometimes left on a highway all alone. People who know abut this say- Move on.. i just ask them where do i go after moving on???
Guest Post Sent In By: N/A
Age: 25
Email: ssuaindia@gmail.com
Location: Mumbai
Better marry a guy before you get too old to have kids.