thelesbianlifestyle.com

Well here goes. I am a bisexual 16 year old girl. I graduated high school at 13. Before i graduated i spent a year in public school before deciding i preferred to be home schooled. i made a few close friends, and dated a few boys. i often asked a guy to be my bf and promptly dumped him that day or the next. i thought guys were cute but i never found one i liked that much they were great friends but i was to busy crushing on my best friend who happened to be a girl to care about guys.

At the time i was dealing with depression issues left over from an abusive childhood. i often had outbreaks of violence when someone insulted my family or called me names. i was picked on a lot because kids knew i would rise to the bait. i learned to love to fight the pain the mindless rage it was numbing like a therapy. we moved and i had no friends because we lived in the country and i refused to participate in social activities. my depression got worse i started browsing the chat rooms talking to men in a sexual way that were much older than me. that eventually turned into using webcams. i started to drink to make my sadness go away. then i discovered cutting. all i felt when i cut all i felt was physical pain. the mental anguish i felt was numbed and watching the blood drip down my wrists was hypnotic and eventually i started cutting patterns.

My mother found out about the drinking and the cyber sex and the cutting. she made an emergency appointment with a doctor and the doctor put me on 4 different kinds of meds. she told me that i had two choices i could be committed to a physciactric hospital or i could get better on my own. i chose on my own. i started to shake one night from all the meds and the doc said to stop all of them. at this point i was still a virgin. i still wasnt better. i stopped cutting continued drinking when i could started to smoke and i put an ad up for raunchy sex with guys so a lot of guys answered the guy i lost my virginity to was named tony he was bisexual and so i snuck off telling my mother i was going to the library and met tony i was using my phone to text these guys. so i forgot erin. the first guy i talked to. the first guy i gave a blow job he wanted to have group sex with me and a bunch of other people the power over these men was pleasurable not the sex. tony and i met and he showed me a lot of different things. he enjoyed anal fingering and something called sounding. he also had anal sex with me. he was handsome. i was sore for days but i responded to a guy whos name i didnt know. i went to his house and we had sex. then i responded to another guy whos name i did not know. he came he used me and he left. another time i snuck out in the middle of the night and went to meet a guy who yet again i didnt know his name. we met on a street corner he drove me to one of his friends house where he and a few other guys where drinking and we did the dirty deed i was caught i screamed and i cried and i cut myself i screamed over and over. i was a mess.

i guess i had sex because i was curious why people enjoyed it so much. i was disapointed the first time and so i went on to the next sex partner thinking it would be diffrent and so it went i didnt enjoy the sex with any of those men. and so after a few months i made a friend who introduced me to guy she knew i told her he was hot and i wanted to do him. we screwed and that was that it wasnt great or even good. i was almost at my wits end. my friend introduced me to weed. i got high with her and her bf and drank a lot of rum and i ended up having sex with her. that makes things weird and so a few months later i get a job with her bfs dad who ran a conssesion stand at fairs and things like that. so i travel with them to a few diffrent states in one month. i take orders and prep food. then hey one of the fairs had a dance and she said have some fun pick up a guy so i take a guy back with me and its the first time i enjoy sex at all. then i am promptly fired for sleeping with a guy. so my mother pays hundreds of bucks in gas money to come get me.

so when home i meet a girl and i have great sex with her and a great time. i figured out that i am more attracted to women than men i cut my hair short and i told my family and they said no big deal. i was accepted! i was much less depressed i had become a whole person. i knew how to handle feelings i had for girls but i still have problems from time to time ive made quite a few mistakes and i hope i can do better. i amazingly escaped getting an STD. i am hoping to help other girls like me who needed someone to help them yet there was no one around to help them understand that being gay is ok. i have started to put up posters around town with my email and a website i made for gay lesbian bisexual and transgender and gender queer people to connect. there is definitely a need for a way to get to know other young LGBT people in my town and i want to make a diffrence.

Guest Post Sent in By: Juniper
Email Address: juniper16@hotmail.com
Age: 16
Location: USA ID