Name: bi girl pride
Age: 15
Location: USA

QUESTION:

Ok I am a freshmen in h.s. 15 yrs old in a very black ( i am myself) and Hispanic h.s. (i think black ppl have the most problem with homosexuality i have experienced it being black some others of my race saying it’s a white disease so i get messed with a bit) I am bi-sexual and am very proud i have an 18 year old boyfriend but there is this girl her name is P., i have very strong feeling for her feelings that scare me. i usually hide from things like this i mean i like my bf he is attractive to me and a nice guy but she, she scares me and excites me all at the same time. I know she likes me to and she is beautiful I don’t know what to do my bf went out with a bi-sexual who left him quick and he thinks i will do the same. He is nice most of the time but hates that i am bi-sexual and if we argue that is what we argue about. He can’t won’t except it. He is my friend but she seems to know what she does to me and acts on it flirting teasing etc. She is quiet but when she talks its meaningful and her eyes seem to say everything, she says she likes me as much as i like her, and i know i am hurting her. I was never the one who breaks up with ppl i mean ive had two bfs and 2 gfs 2 ended (had a crazy gf and one got and bf got arrested) badly, but still they have always broken up with me. But i don’t know what to do. Do i break up with my bf who is my friend even though he doesnt like my bisexuality. Or do i stay with him and hurt me and the girl, i dont really know what to do. I promised myself i would’nt start liking anyone as much as i like P. But I do.He also wants to take it to the next step i’m not ready for it still sporting my v-card i;m not ready to give it up. Any advice is welcome.

Read the TLL Advice Panelists answers after the jump…

Lori Hahn

Out of the office
Lori
Our Big Gayborhood

Shanna Katz

Out of the office.

Shanna
www.shannakatz.com

Dharma Kelleher

Dear bi girl pride,

I understand your confusion. And as unpleasant as it may feel at times, it’s perfectly normal. All teenagers (straight, gay and bi) struggle with making sense of relationships. So do most adults. Most people don’t develop long term relationships until their late 20s or later.

From what I’m hearing, it seems as though your difficulties have less to do with your bisexuality and more to do with the fact that you’re attracted to two people, regardless of their gender. Both people have their good qualities and not-so-good qualities. I would encourage you to pick one of them and let the other go. Yes, doing so will hurt someone’s feelings, but they will get over it. And if neither relationship really fulfills you, you can dump them both. Life’s too short to be in a bad relationship. I’ve learned that one the hard way. LOL.

The most important thing is to be honest with yourself and with your partners. Don’t cheat. And hold onto that v-card until you are supporting yourself financially in a place of your own AND in a committed relationship. Sex is great, but it comes with serious consequences and can further complicate an already-confusing situation.  Don’t let anything sabotage your chances of going to a college. If money is a challenge work your butt off to earn a scholarship. You will be glad you did. You deserve a great future!

One last thing. It’s okay to make mistakes in romances. You’re young. You’re supposed to make mistakes. Trust the process.
Peace out,
Dharma Kelleher
http://www.dharmakelleher.com/

Tina-cious

Dear Bi Girl,

I think you already know the answer but you want someone to validate it for you.

You should only ever be with someone that you want to be with.  It sounds to me like that’s not your boyfriend.  Now, if you are sure this girl wants to be with you, and you want to be with her then I think you should cut your boyfriend loose and be with her (before you do anything physical with her, out of respect for him).

If you find out that she doesn’t want to be with you then you still shouldn’t stay with your boyfriend if you’re not feeling him the way you think you should be.

And you should especially not sleep with him if you are not feeling ready (and if you do feel ready CONDOMS!! For the love of chocolate, CONDOMS!!)

I’m a little concerned about what an 18 year old wants with a 15 year old, but that’s my mom side talking.  That’s a big age gap when you’re in your teens.  That’d make him a senior and living in a much more “sexually advanced” stage of his life.

You mentioned being “proud” to have an 18 year old boyfriend… is that because he’s so much older or because you actually love him?

I guess what I’m trying to say is that you should follow your heart but be gentle with the hearts that are already entrusted to you.  It’s a mine field but with care and understanding you can navigate it.

Also, if your school has a Gay/Straight Alliance I’d join it and be sure you let your school know about any harassment and/or bullying you may endure by the hands of those who call being gay a “disease”.

That is intolerable, wrong, and harmful.  Be strong, be yourself and most of all, be safe.

Truly,
Tina-cious

Kelly Leszczynski

Send your questions to www.thelesbianquestion.com!!!

Kelly
Brain Clouds

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