thelesbianlifestyle.com

At the age of 14 is about the time I started acting on my attraction towards females, not shocked in any way I knew it was what I wanted. I dated the guy I was with for 5 years he is like my best friend to this day and he knew how I felt. There was a girl I ran into at Arbys who I could not keep my eyes off to save my life she was sporty, hot, and quiet. Not quite knowing if she was gay or not I didn’t speak to her me being in 8th grade and still a little shy I walked out thinking of her every day thereafter.

High school days come and I’m walking down the hall and what do you know it’s her the girl of my dreams I light up and I’m so thankful I know where to find her now. Not knowing how to approach her and knowing she has a boyfriend I just sit back and watch for a year, summer comes and passes its now sophomore yr her junior jr it turns out her best friend is a girl I went to middle school with someone I’m not exactly a huge fan of but none the less it’s my opening. Half way through the yr I gain the courage to go up and talk to them, keeping it simple of course I bull crap with the girl I know and flirt with the one I’m dying to know she is so quiet she doesn’t speak much but I’m not quitting that easy.

I finally decide enough is enough and break it off with my boyfriend, and start sitting at her table for lunch, the yr is almost over and respecting she is with someone I write a letter cheesy I know but I was young I make it obvious what I want and leave my number inside and school is over. All summer long I wait for a call that I have not received I was very disappointed but understood, school is about to start and I get a call from my mom who tells me that I had a call from her I was soooo giddy I had butterflies like crazy. I return the call not really knowing why she called or why it took so long she apparently misplaced my letter and searched high and low for it which I thought was funny considering all my negative thoughts, well we talked for a short time and didn’t have much to say school is right around the corner. Me and my friend Kelsey continue to sit with her in the new school year well I end up going to the movies with her and her boyfriend with a girl from school awkward much yeah but I was that much closer and actually got to talk to her.

Time goes by we end up going to a football game neither of us really caring about the game but it’s an excuse to be together, well our friend goes and we text back and forth the whole game it’s obvious she is in the same state of mind as me which I’m loving she is perfect in every way after the game she takes our friend home first not really shocking then she asks if I’m ready to go home no of course so we drive around the butterflies are taking over my body and I just want to grab her and kiss her but that night it didn’t happen. We continue to spend time together and I fall more and more for this girl hoping and praying I can work some magic not remembering every detail I do recall a date we had we went to the movies it was very nice she paid never saying it directly I knew we were talking. A short time after our date was our first kiss I know most people kiss on the first date but I didn’t want her to go anywhere and I knew she had never been with a women, but it was worth waiting for we were standing outside she was about to leave my house and she leaned in to kiss me and our teeth met instead ha ha so she steps back and says wow that was bad I grab her arm and pull her to me and the kiss blew my mind and that’s all she wrote I knew she was the one.

A little ways into our relationship we had a few issues with her cheating and lying which killed me but we worked through it and moved out together bad ideal we fought all the time and I have no clue why looking back on it, so I move out and we still keep in contact end up getting back together after a lot of drama (which I hate) and painful moments we are doing good we drop all the people we were talking to from high school which was a great ideal. I end up getting a job where she works so we are both making good money we move into a really nice apartment I honestly think my life was perfect at that time we both made good money, nice place to live, nice things, no fighting and our love was strong. For some reason we break down and start talking to our friend from high school I think it was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made, but we invite her over one night and a friend of hers comes with her who we had met once before a couple years prior to this point in time she seems like a real sweetheart and funny. We start looking into buying a house right across the street from our friend which seemed like an overnight decision we start the process and things start to fall apart. My girlfriend and I got off work 2 hours apart when I got home she was either asleep on the couch or cooking dinner, she never had her phone on her, she went to bed by 10, she was pleasant. She changed real quick the more we hung out with our friend and her friend she became distant, gone when I got home and her phone was up her butt. That caused more fights than you can imagine and I fought so hard to keep things solid but I missed my wife and didn’t know how to respond to her new ways so I pushed her away like she was me to see if it would phase her of course not her head is wrapped around another.

At my breaking point I call it off and it sucked we were buying a house and couldn’t back at this point I was in-love and lost, confused and devastated she acts as if she doesn’t care our 6 yr relationship is over which kills me even more she was supposed to change and fight for me to stay. One night impaticular I was waiting up all night and made a few calls to poor my tears and fears to my mom and a good friend I finally lay down in the spare room at 2am assuming she will not arrive for work at 7am and I hear a knock on the door it’s her I get up and let her in she is crying and asks if she can lay by me my feelings not gone and wanting her near I say yes we both cry ourselves to sleep. I become a monster with a bad attitude and my sarcasm level goes through the roof, we go to close on the house and we sign the papers we’re waiting in the car for a return check and she breaks down says she loves me doesn’t want to lose me and she will stop talking to the girl who is the problem. We move into the house and at this point I’m jobless because I have planned to move away so I stay at the house and get things put together, we had been there for 2 weeks and our relationship became weird again so she jumps into the shower and I look at her phone not like me at all but I needed to know if I was just being paranoid the girl is in her recent recipients so I write her a message that said hey babe the response I received was not shocked that my girlfriends phone just called her babe. 2 seconds later still covered in soap my girlfriend storms out of the shower I’m passed jealous and hurt I’m mad as can be I laugh and throw her phone, that had to be the worst day I had encountered in my whole life my heart was broke and I was full of anger. I tell her to leave and get out of my face after some bad altercations and i pack all my stuff up and leave my very first house my job my life period. I move to the middle of nowhere and cry myself to sleep for months finally get a job and we still talk somewhat and she starts to ask advice from me about her new girlfriend who she lied about being the right person so being the nice person I am I give her the best most honest advice I possibly can.

We stop talking because I make her made I find out her girlfriend is who I knew it was and we get into it over the phone bad and she has the nerve to tell me that she was only nice to me to get what she wanted, not believing it due to some of the things that happen when we were friends I just laugh and never spoke to them again. 1 year later me and my new girlfriend end up going to float the river with some friends and my ex and her new girlfriend happen to know someone through the people we are going with. How fun camping with someone I love still even though it’s been a year, that trip was awful and emotional but there was one moment that our eyes connected and it was for quite some time and I could see it in her eyes she still loved me I was about to cry so I looked away.

1 year later her girlfriend adds me on facebook that they share I am over it enough to be able to look at pictures of them together or hear how they are doing. You would think that my relationships would work out but I have a comparing issue and I’m still so in love with her it hurts sometimes I’m so glad she is happy but I can’t get rid of my love for her. It’s not fare to me and I think about things I left her with a silver platter when I left she got the house and everything in it, kept her job, friends, and her very first house. Call it bitter but I just see it unfair that not only did karma not happen but everything worked out for her, maybe one day I can move on and be happy but until then I will love this girl until the day I stop breathing.

Guest post sent in by: Christie Harris
Email: Christiejharris44[@]yahoo.com
Age: 25
Location: Oklahoma City