thelesbianlifestyle.com

Well, I honestly do not know where to begin. I first stumbled upon this website because of some confusing feelings I am having about being lesbian. I do not wish to reveal my age because most websites would not allow a person as young as I am to post on websites, so I am just trying to keep it safe. When I see myself in the future, I see myself happy. But what is confusing me is what exactly would make me happy. I would want very much to raise a child of my own. I think loving a person involves gentleness and passion, which I think is more commonly found in women, not that men can’t be gentle or passionate.

I want to hold a woman and kiss her and touch my hand to her cheek. But, watching a man is what turns me on. When I see a woman making love at first, (kiss, touch, etc.) my heart sinks and I just feel happy. Later on, however when things start getting intense and more sexual, I admit I kind of get grossed out…which is why I am so confused. Being confused leads me to be depressed, and being in school adds on to that, and my whole family situation, and well my entire life is a big pile of stress.

Before I was born, my mom (Shannon) got married to Jay at age 24 or something. She cheated on him with a man named John. You can probably see where this is going… Anyway, when my mom found out she was pregnant she assumed Jay was the father, but when I was around 5, she found at that John was actually my biological father. Jay found out because he went on my mom’s email and found that my mom and John had been talking about the fact that John was the real father and divorced her. By then I was around 3-4 already and Jay was still my dad. John, though had a girlfriend as well, and she got pregnant when I was around 6. John had decided to stick with his girlfriend and his new daughter because I already had a dad and he wanted to make sure Charlize (little sister, the one inside John’s girlfriend) had a dad.

My mom finally told me that Jay was not my real father when I was 11. Jay got remarried during that time. He now has a son who is 6 (Bobby) and I love him to death. My mom got remarried as well to Matt. And here is where the real complications begin. Matt is a registered sex offender, which means that he is all over the internet and can not attend my softball/soccer/basketball games or come anywhere near my school. Anyone who is reading this won’t believe that he never did anything. But I know Matt, and he also told us the story about how he was at a sleepover and girls were there and they decided it would be funny to call the police… I’ve known him for almost 8 years now though and I’ve been left alone with him soooo many times and nothing has happened soo yeah.

Not to mention John is engaged to a woman (Colleen) and that woman has a son (Tyler) who I absolutely can not stand. Tyler is an extremely good-looking, athletic, popular, straight A, all-that guy. His mom (Colleen) treats him like he is a baby and asks him every 5 seconds something and makes SURE he is the center of attention. I understand everyone has their problems, but compared to me, this guy is living as a God.The only time I see him is when I’m with my real dad which makes it wayyy worse. My dad does NOT treat me like I am his daughter at all. I know that he is trying to be a good dad to me, but he never tells me what to do, or hugs me, or makes an effort to understand me in anyway. Plus, he is still trying to be “hip” and “cool” almost every weekend he goes out and parties and gets drunk. He has a stable job that pays good, but its not a career. It sounds weird that I would want him to tell me do do stuff, but it’s crazy how I feel so strongly about the fact that he never tells me what to do. I feel so….. depressed, stressed, angry, sad, mad, confused, lonely, lost…. I just need someone to help me and be there for me. Well, this is my story. This is my life.

Sent in by: shaniah
Age: Young
Location: US