thelesbianlifestyle.com

When my wife and I got together, money was a big subject of conversation as you might imagine. We had both been in relationships where we had been taken advantage of financially and we each had some healthy debt coming into our new partnership. Neither one of us wanted to burden the other with past transgressions, but we also wanted to share our financial needs going forward.

Our solution was to figure out our basic household expenses for the mortgage, utilities, land line (I have to have one for work), cable, etc. and then split that down the middle. Then we opened a joint “house” account and now each of us puts in the same amount each month and all bills are paid out of that account. We put in a little more than we actually need, so if we’re careful, it builds up and if we have a minor emergency (like having to buy a new fridge), we can often do that with cash. Groceries are a bit “fluid”. We don’t buy them out of the house account, but how it’s worked out is that one of us usually buys one time, and the other the next time. No hard and fast rule, but it seems to have worked out that way.

Otherwise, her money is hers and mine is mine. We don’t ask questions and we don’t snoop. If we want to share anything about our finances, we can do so without worrying that it’s going to upset the balance of our financial “equality” since we are equitable about how we pay for our living expenses. In nearly 9 years, we have not had an argument about money, which I think it a minor miracle.

Yes, sometimes she gets upset that I “help out” my daughter more than she thinks I “should” and then I have to be really frugal. Sometimes I wonder if she really needs all those gadgets, but in the end, after our basic needs are met, it’s really none of our business how the other spends her money.

Every couple is different, of course, but this way has worked really well for us, and I would recommend it, especially to couples who are older and have a financial “past”.

GG