2011
A hair story
I’d like to start by saying I’m a California native now living in Brooklyn, NY. When I moved here 3 years ago with my “butch” girlfriend and our two dogs I had long brown hair that I had blown out weekly and wore mascara daily. I was the well- received one in the relationship and accepted here on the east coast based on how I fit the mold of a woman. Then as the years went on I decided to go back to my roots as a California blonde. Naturally I have curly hair so I went all the way and wore my hair curly and blonde halfway down my back. I noticed the once smiling faces turned to scowls as my hair got blonder and bigger with curls.
After a few years living in NY things came to a head and with Summer approaching I decided I needed a change. I had broken up with the girlfriend of 3.5 years and with the loss of custody of my 2 babies (dogs) I needed to shed something… my hair seems apropos of the case. So I shaved it all off. Now, this may not seem strange in the lesbian world but for me it was HUGE! I am a femme and I don’t wear much make-up so I needed my hair to show the world I am not butch!
I like butch/ androgynous women who like femmes and as soon as my hair left my body I felt free but confused. My identity in the world had changed without me making the decision. I love the freedom but haven’t like the world’s view or perception of the new me. I feel like I’m a new person in the world with the old me screaming to come out which could be viewed many ways but I’m caught in the middle zone wondering who am I? Will my new love leave me for someone more femme? Have I entered into a stereotypical lesbian role with “short hair” in the world? I suppose more is being revealed every day….
Sent in by: Anonymous
Age: 34
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Here’s something to consider. (I’m Canadian, so I’m really unaware of how NYers feel about blondes, etc, and may be off base). No one actually scowled at you because of your blonde hair. Instead whenever you saw people scowl, you assumed it was because of your hair because you expected to be hated for it. Maybe you didn’t like it, or felt that you shouldn’t like it. Now that you have no hair, and you’re so strongly identifying as a femme, you are ready to defend yourself and your femininity so much that you’re putting too much importance on your hairstyle and how people see you on the surface. Perhaps you think that you’re not being a proper femme, and so you’re seeing this reflected in other people.
I’m saying this because I’ve struggled with this too. I don’t really identify as butch or femme, but other people put these labels on me. One time when I jokingly said I was too butch for something, I was reprimanded by a friend who insisted I was femme. I think we’re all a blend of the masculine and the feminine, and we can say “I’m butch” or “I’m femme”, but really, at the core, we are ourselves and not so black and white as that.