thelesbianlifestyle.com

A “butch” woman is a woman but you are not into them – “because they remind me too much of men” – so you take up with a man – and get pregnant. Are you a “lesbian” or a bi-woman? From the way you describe yourself, you are into men and women but think of yourself as a
“lesbian” when you desire a woman. Why specifically a “lesbian baby momma”? Or are you not interested in bi-women like you are not interested in butch women?

How is it his fantasy that you had to think of a woman while having sex with him? Or do you mean you brought real women in to have sex with you and your boyfriend? If you brought in real women – where did you find these women when you couldn’t seem to find any when single?

I’m just not clear on where your head and heart is. You are pregnant and thinking about getting with a woman before getting your life settled. Perhaps you should think about taking time to be with your baby without anyone else being involved. Give yourself time to bond with your baby before getting involved with someone else – woman or man – because that should be the new relationship to focus on.

I’m really sorry you were told that being a lesbian is a sin. It’s not. And it’s not a lifestyle, it’s just you. It’s just who you are.

The fact that you haven’t found a woman (or a type of woman) to connect with just means you’re still available to find her or be found by her. That’s all. It doesn’t mean you’re sinning or doing anything wrong by living out as a lesbian.

Although it may not seem like it right now, I suspect that later you will feel thankful that your abusive ex has written off your pregnancy and later, your child. If I might suggest, make sure you do not name him as the father on the birth certificate, and make sure you continue to take care of yourself, by yourself. You will find that you can then raise your child as you choose, and you’ll have a freedom that will feel wonderful compared to the abuse you’ve suffered.

You may find help at a local domestic violence agency. Although you’re out of the abusive situation (or so it sounds) you might find it very helpful to talk to someone about what you’re going through right now, so that you can stay safe and stay free. And you can usually be very much out at a domestic violence agency – there are lots of out lesbians who work on behalf of abused women. You may meet friends as well as find help.

While I can certainly understand that you’d want to find a partner to share this journey, I agree with the commenter above who suggests being with your baby first, and then seeing where that leads. Of course you will want support; and it sounds like your family and your ex will not be that support for you. But you will find it. There is the family we were born into, and there is the family of our choice. I bet if you think for a while you can think of folks around you who will be REAL family for you while you’re pregnant; and later, family for you and your child. I bet they’re right there, in your life, right now. Maybe they’re not going to take the role of partner or baby momma, but I bet they’ll take the role of friend.

Look around at who treats you well no matter what. That’s your family. That’s who you can trust. You are not alone. And you can do this. All the best.

Yes. This is life. And it doesn’t have to be a bad life if you begin to follow your heart instead of listening to outside influences.

First, your brother is completely off base about your attraction to women being sinful. What is sin? The product of reading ancient texts which have nothing to do with today’s living? He also is not you. You need to live the life god gave you, the way you were created to live it. And you will only fulfill your destiny if you follow your heart and not anyone else. So tell your brother to mind his own business, take the log out of his eye (to quote Jesus), and pound salt. I am sure he isn’t raising his hand to help you with this pregnancy (which is partially a result of his meddling.)

Second, your baby. It is obvious the loser who impregnated you is nothing more than a sperm donor. Again, you must follow your heart here. You have 3 choices. Abortion, Adoption, or Raising your child. What is your heart telling you? If you choose any of these options I urge you to make sure you have legal counsel so that said loser has some monetary responsibility for the life that he helped create. And adoption is not such a bad thing. I had a few friends in college who went that route then went on to lead very happy lives and still have contact with their child. There are plenty of agencies out there who will help with support.

Third, women. You say only butch women are attracted to you. Having been in this lesbian life for about 4 years now, I can say with assurance that lesbians come in all sizes and flavors. Have you tried online dating? Going to http://www.meetup.com to find a lesbian group near you? Have you tried to connect as friends with lesbians so you can get invited to parties or blind dates with women you prefer? We all have a preference and there is nothing wrong with you wanting to be with more feminine women. I just think that you may need to stop discounting butch looking women so that you can connect with friendships. You never know what a friend can bring to your life.

All in all, Barbie, I think you need to take a deep breath and look at your options. Seems as if the baby decisions trump all others at this point. After that you need to work on YOU, internally. Begin to do some things YOU enjoy so that you can begin to know yourself. Once you know yourself, you will build confidence. And women do like a confident woman. Only then will you begin to visualize and live the life you want because you will know your authentic self.

And don’t ever compromise your life. It is yours. Everybody elses is taken.

Good luck.

Thanx u guys… (teary eyed)…. Really needed the constructive critisim… The truth hurts… I guess my main focus is my baby coming now…

Don’t cry. Just work on getting yourself in a happy place and be ready to share your love with your baby. Then if you meet someone you’ll be able to cope with a new relationship. Being happy with yourself – with your life – will shine through and probably more than one woman will respond to your openess. Best to you and your baby.

I really feel for you and the situation you’re going through. I am co-parenting with my ex-girlfriend and my current partner in a unique situation. She got pregnant by a man who didn’t want children and because of it suggested she get an abortion. She refused, and that’s where I stepped in. I am what you would consider a butch woman, or to be more appropriate, I prefer the word stud. In any case, we turned a unique situation into something beautiful. My daughter has 3 moms, she’s very smart, spoiled, and extremely well adjusted. The morale of my story is that absolutely anything is possible if you have faith and try to stay positive. You have a long road ahead so please take care of yourself and your emotional state. You have nothing to be embarassed about. Babies are a gift from God, and a blessing too. Focus your energy on you because your baby can sense your moods and changes. You can read more about my family and I on my blog, http://www.studwithswag.com, and you can find some of our videos at http://www.youtube.com/studwithswag. Feel to contact me anytime. I wish the best of luck to you and the baby. Stay strong!

Hey I have been in a similar situation if you want to chat it may help us let me know x