2011
optimistic obsession
No, I don’t feel bad. Yes, I think it’s funny.
So what, you were called you a “psycho” and an “idiot”, why so sensitive? It’s great for all parties. I was creating entertainment, she should be happy. Saddistic? Childish? Whatever, it’s passionate and humorous. When did being passionate become so passé? When did it become acceptable to be introvert, suppressive and lazy about expressing one’s emotions?
Well, this experience has taught me that I enjoy this kind of behaviour more than I previously thought. I thought it was simple, yet genius. I was sitting on the toilet, thinking about her and thinking about what else I could do. The reality is, she’s moving in a few weeks; a measly 10,000kms. She broke it off the previous weekend and of course she didn’t want to. Despite calling her a “sensible sally”, “confusing” and “stupid”, she still digs me. I thought I should jump on the situation and do her a favour. The truth is; we are amazing together. She likes music; I like music; I like better music; she likes bad music; she’s a good small spoon; I’m a fantastic big hug. She’s hot, but I’m hotter. Perfect couple. We were together for a month maybe..?
I stormed out of the cubical with the realisation gushing through my veins with an instant hit of passionate energy. I swayed to the back of the bar with a goober smirk. I stormed out as though the thought was seeping through me like an hour glass. Panicking, I was thinking of a communication line. The only way, to resist the sound of drunks and loud music (at my end) was text. Instantly, I picked up my guitarists phone and started punching out how awesome I was, how stupid she was and other profanities. Send.
She knew him; she knew the band.
A text straight back within a minute; someone was waiting on their phone. Waiting for me to text her, I assumed. “Who is this??”. An aggressive double question mark. “It’s Simon, are you going to out tonight?” I don’t know where this came from, but it legitimised the text AND put the responsibility on somebody else. How many ‘brilliants’ do I need to express? Plus, Simon has the same black humour as I, so he’d appreciate my work. So I told Mike why I was using his phone and Simon, because I used his name (I’m a great friend) and they loved it. Perfect banter among us before a show. “Oh, haha, yes maybe, you?” Great, I thought, she read the message, took in the information and was happy to meet the boy I used for my witty, intelligible scheme (obviously because he was connected to me). It was time for me to jump on stage for this point. Whilst playing, I was smirking, laughing, smiling and thinking about how great I was. It was obvious that she still loved me and wanted to get closer to me by getting closer to Simon.
Jumping offstage, I thought I had a cockroach nest in my bag and with a scramble, I saw my phone was going nuts! Oh shit; one mistake; I forgot to look at my own implement. “PSYCHO? REALLY?” “SIMON? C’MON!” Oh geez, do I really come across as someone who would do such a thing? Of course not, maybe she is a psycho. Ok well, another scheme needed. Lies meet lies; lies cover lies; it’s obvious what to do. Well, I thought, she wasn’t brave enough to text this to Mike’s phone, so she’s not 100% sure that I was responsible for the plan. Right? I replied a sheepish “What? Who? Why?” No conviction met. Well, fuck it, I thought. “I don’t even like you, why would I send such things.” Yes, I’m reverting back to a 10 year old, school yard crush persona, but this is a test! Plus, I’m patient. “Good for you. I see what you mean.” Unclear, but she doesn’t like me either, apparently. Whatever. I dropped by the back of the bar where they sell take away beers and slurped a few down before residing home. Not that I was disappointed about the plan. It went well; at least I was still kind of chuckling. She should have been as well. I know! Another plan.
I called my ex-ex-girlfriend and decided that our relationship COULD have worked; of course! “I don’t want to be with you for a while, but we are getting married and having kids. I’m serious.” BAM. Hang-up. Why didn’t I think of that earlier? It was mid-night and I excused her not jumping up and down, squealing with delight because it was late. I knew she would have liked this suggestion though. Oh yeah, she broke up with me didn’t she? Shit, I just remembered the last time that I communicated to her was a series of nasty texts. I called her Mum a slut. Of course she wasn’t, and that’s why she shouldn’t be offended! You know, it was just in the heat of the moment. I say things like this because I care, plus it’s funny, and kind of true. A compliment PLUS something to think about in the office or the waiting room. I was so good to her. Maybe proposing wasn’t a good idea. I looked back at my phone. “Have you played yet” from the lady. She does like me, of course. She knows that what I say I don’t really mean, if fact, I mean the exact opposite.
Sent in by Anonymous
